Leaving Home

[2fish]

Yesterday I was told that I must vacate my families home by the end of the month. There's a lot of mixed feelings that I have about this but my main concern is about me actually living alone. I did live a lone for a short period of time but because I was so unhappy my family asked me to come to live with them. Now, I'm being told to leave. I'm scared. I have plenty saved and will do okay financially, but the the thought of living alone...I just don't know how I'll do. I have no friends here. I'm scared to just ask some random person to live with me.

I need tips on living alone. How to manage not having someone to talk to. Also, how to deal with the idea that no one will be coming home or be waiting for me to come home.

[Ms Grace]

Sorry to hear that. It's been my reality for close to ten years - largely by choice, I have to admit I like to have my own space but I know what you mean about not having someone around to greet you or to talk to. I'm just so used to it I'm not sure I can offer any suggestions. I mean, before this I spent eight years sharing with an old school/uni friend and he was only ever around about 30% of the time anyway so I think that's how I got used to the idea of living solo. I guess that for me is the most important distinction... I don't think of it as living alone, I think of it as living solo. I know that if I choose to then I can change that so it doesn't seem like an eternal situation and it need not be for you either.

[adrian]

Hey 2fish, I'm sorry this is happening!

You could try to find a place to share with others, but that may have its own challenges -- also depending on where you live.

If you end up living on your own, try to make an effort to make that place yours. My home is my castle and so forth

I think it also helps to have rituals and stick to them. Coffee in bed. Cooking a nice dinner in the evening. Also, again depending on where you live and how comfortable you are with going out, find a nice café to hang out at with a book or your laptop. Make that a ritual.

Finally, I find that pets can go a long way in making you feel less alone. I'm not living on my own at the moment, but I still experience an intense feeling of loneliness and not belonging. I ended up getting a pet (a tarantula if you must know -- I'm allergic to cats, so I figured I'd go for something furry with more legs [emoji14] ) and it's given me something to focus my attention on and meet some new people (online, but still).

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi 2fish,

Really the only thing to fear; is fear itself. You've lived alone before, and lived through it. The opportunity is presenting itself again to you, so all you need to do is, do it differently.

Change your habits, join a social club, join a community service organisation. Just do something different. If you keep doing something different, you're bound to find something you really like and living with yourself will no longer be an issue. In fact you may end up really enjoying it.

Just change the way you think/see it, and maybe you'll find the silver lining.

Let us know how you go.

Huggs
Catherine

[Lostkitten]

You will get trough! Living alone can give lonely feelings but it also has upsides. There is a reason people move out eventually . Just unfortunately that it has to happen in such a way..

What kind of person are you? Is it easy for you to get in contact with people while at a club? I moved to London for a couple of months and looked around whether any events were going to happen. Gaming nights, single people events or just a club. There at I made contacts and eventually friends to hang out with.
Otherwise, a lot are happy to spend a lot of time on the computer and chat with people instead. But then again this can increase the loneliness feeling because you are still alone. But if you keep daily activities (like shopping daily, or even if going for a walk outside) you get out there, do something. Get your mind going instead of sitting still and giving yourself time to worry.

Or! Buy a cat ! Lil thing will always keep you from feeling alone and you got something to huggle .

[stephaniec]

I know one thing that helped me was that I had a beautiful Belgium German Shepherd to take care of and was waiting for me when I came home from work. I've lived alone for 20 years , nice and quite that way.

[Devlyn]

I'm with Grace, you're not alone, you're in charge. No one telling you the toilet seat is in the wrong position. Hell, I haven't closed my bathroom door in fifteen years! I wouldn't like somebody else in my house. Learn to enjoy the independence. When in doubt, get invited over to some friends that are married and watch them argue about everything from how the car is parked to how many olives are in the dish. Remind yourself that they think they're normal people! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[2fish]

Hey 2fish, I'm sorry this is happening!

You could try to find a place to share with others, but that may have its own challenges -- also depending on where you live.

If you end up living on your own, try to make an effort to make that place yours. My home is my castle and so forth

I think it also helps to have rituals and stick to them. Coffee in bed. Cooking a nice dinner in the evening. Also, again depending on where you live and how comfortable you are with going out, find a nice café to hang out at with a book or your laptop. Make that a ritual.

Finally, I find that pets can go a long way in making you feel less alone. I'm not living on my own at the moment, but I still experience an intense feeling of loneliness and not belonging. I ended up getting a pet (a tarantula if you must know -- I'm allergic to cats, so I figured I'd go for something furry with more legs [emoji14] ) and it's given me something to focus my attention on and meet some new people (online, but still).

I like the sound of that. Making the place my own that is...not the tarantula lol spiders creep me out. lol I do have 3 cats and they are a handful.

[2fish]

Thanks everyone. I feel better about it already. I found a place, need to get approved. I hope everything goes well. It's tiny, but very nice. And I can keep my cats no problem.

[VikingArchangel]

*hugs* Happy for you!

[lee.rathbone1]

If you lived in Jacksonville, Florida I would gladly get a place with you. I'm going to be going thru hormone therapy soon and would need a support system as well. I hope everything will work out and I'm sure it will. Just take it one day at a time and don't do anything rash to just not be alone. Remember background checks are great if you are gonna have a roomie.

[2fish]

If you lived in Jacksonville, Florida I would gladly get a place with you. I'm going to be going thru hormone therapy soon and would need a support system as well. I hope everything will work out and I'm sure it will. Just take it one day at a time and don't do anything rash to just not be alone. Remember background checks are great if you are gonna have a roomie.

Thank you, you are very sweet! That would have been great. Eventually I do want to leave South Florida but at the moment I can't.

[lee.rathbone1]

Well let me know if you decide to leave south Florida and move up this way or even Orlando I would be your roomie any day. I'm glad you have found a place. You have us here to support you, I know is not coming home to somebody, but until then we are here.

[adrian]

I like the sound of that. Making the place my own that is...not the tarantula lol spiders creep me out. lol I do have 3 cats and they are a handful.

Let me tell you: Spiders are perfect pets, they don't talk much, are very quiet and considerate. They don't ruin your couch and don't chew on your shoes. But, yeah, I get not everyone warms up to the thought of having them as a flat mate [emoji16] [emoji16]

Lol, sorry. The only reason I mentioned my pal was that I wanted to say that even if someone couldn't afford having a cat or a dog, there are other interesting, less cuddly creatures out there [emoji16]

Cats rule though -- I always wanted a bunch. Sigh.

Anyway, let us know how things are going [emoji4]

[2fish]

I found a place to live!
It's 10 min from my job which means less money on gas and no money on tolls for highways. I'm also 10 min from my Dr. Also, my rent is very cheap! I'm so happy! I've already paid my landlord and he has given me the keys. I'm so excited! Thank You everyone for cheering me up. He also knows that I'm trans and he was find with it. I had to tell him since I still haven't changed my gender marker and needed my ID for a background check.

[VikingArchangel]

\0/

[adrian]

W00t! Congratulations!