Once Leah told me she was TS and I had time to digest just somewhat ... sort of what this was meaning, I had many questions for her to answer in helping me find some acceptance of it all. It was/is hard to imagine how someone would want a body and separate what I as person with that same type body already enjoys from that body. Someone that says they only want the body for themselves. Not for the attraction of men to it. Not for the satisfactory feeling totally womanly all dressed in elegance and lace, fluff and frills.
As we search for a course of how to achieve the totality of what Leah is looking for, I too understand more. I am more comfortable about the evolution of the personal side of Leah that has never been aloud out to let others get acquainted with. At this point I think I can handle when Leah does decide to tell others. With the knowledge I have been gathering I feel I will be able to help those that will be involved with our lives in the future to be accepting and respectful of Leah's chosen course which is now SRS. I feel it a privilege that she has finally shared such a deeply kept secret with me. It shows me how much trust she places in our relationship and I can only draw strength from her faith in that trust.
I am amazed at how helping her I also feel more at ease in our relationship at many levels.
Life changed with just the unveiling of the hidden TS side of Leah. She is so much more relaxed. It allows her to share a deeper emotion than we ever have before. Leah now touches and caresses and pets without worrying will I be expecting her to use her manly tool, the thing that repulses her most about her male body. Just that trust that I accept her the way she is and respect her feelings of not wanting reminded in anyway she has a male body has freed her in some way to enjoy mine more.
I'm sure your imagination can help where I'm less graphic. We have explored adult toys for helping meet the sensations I no longer have with her body. The passion she displays and I feel now is beyond any we had even at the beginning of our marriage. Our intimacy is more often and welcomed by both of us.
We have started down the road of HRT. Leah has been very moody at times and at others she is very passive. We can be watching a movie and it have a tear jerking part and tears will fall from my eyes as they always have and I look over and see tears also leaving a shining trickling streak down her cheek too. I don't feel so silly any more and I don't think she does either for my seeing them. Leah has an even temperament if she doesn't miss taking the hormones. Life is very pleasant and we get along great. Leah was using patches for the Estrogen and has been for 3 years. She had some breast growth but not as much as she desired. She had a drop in energy levels also. Frequent daytime naps were needed for her to make it through the day and she was not getting all she needed done for the workload. That was our first inclination in the decision to search out a new vocation in preparation for Post Op.
We viewed a TV program while on Vacation/business in California. Te Impact of Hromones on ones body was the main point of the program.
Realizing the impact the Hormones placed on the rest of the body I stopped in at my GP and asked if he prescribed Bio-Identical Hormones. His wife also his receptionist, said, "Yes we started me on them a month and a half ago." She said he was going to a Lecture in Chicago with the speaker being the top Endo in Europe. So we set my appointment for when he returned.
I was to send off the Saliva Hormone Screen-Test and have the results back in time for the appointment. When we got them back they were drastically low past postmenopausal. Everything .0 something. The highest being .08. Cortical being the most important of them we put me on it first for a month and then added in the others. We used pill form first but then went to Cream with all three mixed in it for me. It's been a year and 3 months now and I'm doing so well. I have lost most of the weight I had gained all those year in poor health. I now sleep better hours. I am now on only 3 medicines in pill form and the other 3 hormones in the cream. I take Garlic for the immune system, and a multivitamin. The spinal disease is in remission. I walk with out the use of a walker or cane now thanks to weight lose, and the great cutting edge Dr. I'm fortunate to have. The relief of stress played a big part in the concurring the depression issues. All of these turn arounds came after Leah's come out to me and my learning it was not me that was causing the issues in our intimate relationship of our marriage.
After seeing the difference in me Leah asked to be put on Bio Identical Hormones too. She has been using the cream for about a year now and it doing so much better. Things feel and seem more in balance to her. She has more breast development and is loosing body weight while maintaining the breast tissue. She has more energy and interest in life in general and libido is up.
Now with the breast development mentioned. I will share some of my feeling there. I went in for breast implants in March 2005. I love them. I was not seeing any improvement in size of mine from the hormones. I love my breast now they are beautiful in shape and a wonderful size. They look real. I feel so much more feminine. I left it to my Dr. to decide what size was appropriate for my body frame and I could not be more pleased with the out come.
Leah enjoys my new breasts, although she is envious too. She'll have hers in a year or so down the road, but being patient is not easy for her. One day she was trying to feel more feminine and experimenting with balloon's filled with water in a bra. She had done this several times before having them on in front of me. I didn't mind seeing her dressed this way. A day or to later she had been up before me. She was dressed and in doing dishes. When I went in to take my morning medicine and she turned to hug me I felt uncomfortable with her having something there where nothing had been before. I told her about the feelings and she has been respectful to them and we will pass this hurdle a little at a time. Maybe not having so large of set there. I don't know. I think as they come gradually with our daily closeness I will adjust ok.
Leah has asked for help on finding the right size under and outer wear for her. We shopped for jeans that were low riders and boot cut. She has had me help pick out wigs for her. She has given up on thinning and reseeding hair. Although she has met a Post op woman that has had hair implants done in Chicago and is very pleased with them. Other people say don't waist your money on hair implants so Leah is not sure what she'll do there. We are waiting to see what this other woman's hair looks like. I've helped her with her nails and little things like that. I don't mind it's like having a girl friend to shop with. I'm a woman... I love shopping. We've been in stores where she has tried on Jackets and also held up tops and bottoms to her. She's fine with it and so am I.
What lies ahead, we plan to be having the SRS done in Thailand in the next year or so. Leah has chosen here because the restrictions are more lacks on the need to dress for a year prior. Needing to rest post op does anyone have information on traveling tramp freighter to come back?
As we experience I'll keep up dating and share what life brings. I hope this has given you some insight to what life is like now and the positive things happening in our relationship and health and life in general.
Feel free to ask anything, If I can answer I will. If not well I'll grow from the thinking on it process.
Peggiann
