A question on transitioning

[CaptFido87]

Hello friends,

Today I am wondering on the basis of transitioning. For me I hope to leave my life as a man and pick back up with as a woman. This is common as probably most of this site either has or is going to do the same thing. Which is good. For me though, I am curious on the reverse process ie. a woman becoming a man. Obviously no hate to any of you, as we all feel the same reasons to transition, regardless of side. That's already been made clear. To me it doesn't make a whole lot of sense and maybe some people could make some nice points about it.

See I've lived already a life as a man. To me the excitement factor just doesn't seem to cut it anymore. I just want to understand why it'd be a better benefit. Men enjoy sports and physical activities more so than a woman. Sure it's fun but when you get hurt doing it, it becomes less fun and painful. Idk why people would want to continue to do the same thing. I played sports my whole life, even won a state championship in football. I never felt like it improved or made my life better though. It just was something the guys all did, so I had do it as well. I got hurt plenty of times in sports, never was fun, but still pushed to show loyalty to the male species. Honestly I would have quit a few teams when the physical pain got real bad. I'm lucky I never broke any bones playing sports. That might have done me in for good. I enjoy watching people play them, because I don't have to get hurt and It doesn't matter the next day who wins or not. So that's one stand point that just doesn't seem beneficial.

Another is weight lifting. Another thing that's somewhat fun to do, but again something else that's stressful to the body. Lifting weights are good for maintaining a healthy body, but body building to the point that your muscles could burst from a single movement. Why? I absolutely loathed maxing out in high school on weights. A contest of one man versus another man in seeing who's stronger? Why does matter. Everyone is strong in their own ways, why push it to the extreme. After squatting over 300 lbs my freshman year, I started developing pain in shoulders and neck from this. I had to quit it all together as it begun to hurt my body even by doing lighter weights. Still from another male stand point why? Now sure keeping in shape with a rad hot body is sexy, no lies here, but I just no longer see the benefit of having ripples muscles. The world doesn't care.

To me the only part of being a man that's beneficial is the fact that its typically easier for a male to get a job. Just the truth. Most companies require workers to work long hours,be able to lift a decent amount of weight, and get the job done. Not that a woman can't do these but they usually go with men. Also they typically pay men better. I saw it with my own eyes back in October when me and a girl got hired at the same time. She briefly talked with the one manager and I heard what her pay was. When I looked at my packet of info, I could see that my was $.25 more for the same job.

Now that I've rambled on, I just would like to see where a woman who wants to be a man comes from on this. I can say that I've lived either half or a third of my life. I have done all of these male things and ultimately haven't see much of it worth it. I'm not saying a life as a woman is gonna be any easier than this, but maybe it will. I don't see any benefit in today's society where being male is better. 50 years ago maybe, but not so much these days. Woman have gained a lot of power and a few even ran for president.

Maybe I'll be proven wrong, and that's fine. I'll accept it if I'm wrong. Maybe I'll get down voted, That's fine too. I just want to hear the opposites side and opinions on transitioning. It's something that I want to learn more about. I want to see a benefit.

-Marty (Sammi)

[Ms Grace]

I think you'll find the basic point is that it's not a case of a "woman becoming a man" (or a "man becoming a woman" for that matter)... the fact is that in the case of a transman you are looking at a man who was born with a female body, in the case of a transwoman you have a woman who was born with a male body. The brain wiring doesn't match up with the body and that's what causes the dysphoria and the deep desire to realign (through HRT, activities and presentation) with the gender that the person identifies with and feels most comfortable presenting as. Sure, for me the things transguys aspire to are generally not what I aspire to and no doubt vice versa, but I can understand where the need to transition comes from.

[Beth Andrea]

"Why would anyone want to be a man?" was actually the first question I thought of upon reaching this site...but then I realized the FtM's think pretty much the same thing about us..."Why would anyone want to be a woman?"

Both have the same answer: Because we are women! Because we are men!

Your perspective (as a male) is skewed because your mind is not male...therefore being a man = pain, discomfort, awkwardness, etc. Change your body to match your mind = happiness not found as a male.

[Beth Andrea]

I have done all of these male things and ultimately haven't see much of it worth it. I'm not saying a life as a woman is gonna be any easier than this, but maybe it will. I don't see any benefit in today's society where being male is better. 50 years ago maybe, but not so much these days. Woman have gained a lot of power and a few even ran for president.

Being a woman isn't about "power" or "ease". It's about being yourself. Don't transition if you don't honestly see yourself as a woman on the inside. Don't transition because "it might be easier (less stressful on the body) than being a man"...

It's not worth it, unless you MUST.

[CaptFido87]

I see. I suppose I did not consider it in that way. We all see transitioning differently and we all like to listen to everyone's travels, woes, and the journey itself. I guess for me wanting to be a female, i can't see the benefit of being male, as I have already done it. I suppose it's likely the same view from the other end. Maybe I'm not even entirely sure if it was a question, but more so along the lines of why. Why do something one way and another does it a different way. We will both come to the same goal at the end. I guess it's just hard to see another persons point of view, when their's is the complete opposite.

[Beth Andrea]

I see. I suppose I did not consider it in that way. We all see transitioning differently and we all like to listen to everyone's travels, woes, and the journey itself. I guess for me wanting to be a female, i can't see the benefit of being male, as I have already done it. I suppose it's likely the same view from the other end. Maybe I'm not even entirely sure if it was a question, but more so along the lines of why. Why do something one way and another does it a different way. We will both come to the same goal at the end. I guess it's just hard to see another persons point of view, when their's is the complete opposite.

Ok. Well I am MtF, and in my case my whole life was not uber-male activities (not for lack of trying, though; I simply could not understand men and why they like sports so much, for example). I made friends with lesbians quite easily...men, not so much. Straight women, not so much.

I always observed men upon entering a room, because I had no idea how to behave, how to convince them that I, too, was a man. 47 years of this, and finally I went to therapy...the question that I might be gay came up, and on exploring that possibility (by asking gay men what they thought--"Am I gay? What do you think? How do you know?" etc.

They all said no, one said I might be trans...I asked, "What's that?" His explanation + Google = led me here, and from that moment on, I knew what was bothering me...my brain is wired to be female (lesbian, in particular; some here are straight), but my body is male. I know from testosterone therapy (treatment for depression) that T is emotionally and mentally a poison for me...on HRT one takes anti-testosterone hormones as well as estrogen.

And if one takes both, the body changes...and my excitement level (not arousal, but general excitement) went off-the-charts to full bore "happy!!"

Anyway, that's my story. Hope you find what you are looking for. Sorry to sound harsh about transitioning, but if one transitions for the wrong reasons, many bad things happen.

[Alana_Jane]

It's a common enough theme, the grass looking greener on the other side.  But if you realize that it's not, life is tough if you're a female, and you decide to transition anyway in spite of knowing that being female has its own challenges.  Then you're doing it for the right reasons.  I considered transitioning in my 20's but didn't because I saw that life would be worse if I did.  Life isn't any easier now than it was then, but I know it's something I must do.  I'm more mature, and realize that I'm missing a major part of who I am by repressing the fact I am female (on the inside).  To me it's what I need to do to finally be happy with who I am, and also to finally grow up and become the woman I should have been all those years ago, but just wasn't ready. 

I can't speak for FtM's, as I've not walked their path, but I imagine they do it because it's who they are.  Just as I must do this because it's who I am. 

-Alana

[Cin]

I'm a pre everything MTF, like you, I guess, but life's hard for both men and women. I've heard a lot of my cis-guy friends say life must be easier as a girl, but that can't be true, everyone imagines life as the other gender at some point. It's easy to think that the grass is greener on the other side when you think life is unfair to you. Life is hard for women, but in a different way to men. Bottom line, Life is not inherently 'easier' for either men or women. I guess you could say there are advantages and disadvantages but that's just mostly because society dictates what men and women should do and should not do. For example, men can't show any sign of weakness, and women are under greater pressure to look their best all the time.

I think that there are a lot of cis-guys that don't quite 'fit in' or agree with the ways of other cis-guys, but are forced to 'fit in' or risk alienation.

Some people doubt my gender dysphoria when I say stuff like this, but I don't really feel insecure anymore.

Not saying you can't be transgender, please don't get me wrong. it's just that, even though we're making steady progress, gender stereotypes are still very strong.

[darkblade]

Hey, though I agree with the others that sometimes it's a matter of perspective and it's not like anyone is choosing to make the switch because we think one gender is "easier" than the other, for us trans  people at least a part of it does come down to us viewing one gender to be easier for us to live in as the other. It's most likely that both are of relative difficulty, but it's not like you can compare and contrast objectively anyways, at least not pre-transition. And since as trans people we don't really fit in our biological gender, we're bound to view the other gender's life as easier, I think.

Since you're asking for a FtM perspective, though I don't quite qualify as FtM (at least not yet, still have my doubts), I'll give you mine. Sports? I wasn't an active kid growing up at all. Not the least interested in spectator sports. Always had an interest in the martial arts though, but never pursued it. Been boxing and doing some lifting recently, and I love both, they make me feel strong and awesome. I avoided lifting heavy for a long time because I know I'm just bad with form and didn't wanna injure myself, but my argument went it comes to injury is that you can injure yourself by just walking, and that doesn't mean you should stop walking. I'd love to build bigger muscles (one of the reasons I find the idea of going on T appealing) but by no means am I saying I want to look like a body builder, I just don't think they look good.

I would say lots of cis females would say that life is easier for men, it's just perspective. Where I'm from men pretty much wear the exact same outfit for any occasion. And often you hear the women complain about how the men have it easier because they don't have to deal with wardrobe choices and new outfits. Probabky the biggest thing for me is the dressing up part. I hadn't even noticed until recently that my mood takes a complete turn when I have to dress up/wear make up/do my hair for one reason or another. Even when I'm not actively trying to get out of having to do any of that.

There are a whole bunch of things I hate about living as a female, otherwise I wouldn't be considering transitioning. I just can't think of anything right now. I guess at the end of the day the best way I could phrase it is that I've tried my best to fit in as a female for 20 years, and it just isn't working. I just don't know how to be female. So I'm willing to go to the other side because, I can't possibly fit in less as a male than I do as a female (in my head at least).

[Asche]

I guess at the end of the day the best way I could phrase it is that I've tried my best to fit in as a female for 20 years, and it just isn't working. I just don't know how to be female. So I'm willing to go to the other side because, I can't possibly fit in less as a male than I do as a female (in my head at least).

Oh, God (or FSM, if you prefer ), this pretty much describes how I feel, just with the genders reversed.  (Does this mean I really am an M2F, and not just a WTF?)  ETA: only in my case it was 60 year, not 20.

For myself, I'd add that the way guys are when they're doing the "being a guy" thing just turns me off.  Way off.  I can deal with men and even respect some of them to the extent I'm not confronted with their guy-ness, but I guess at some level I do that by ignoring the fact that they're male.  I guess that's why all my attempts to be in Men's Groups have ended with me feeling "I don't belong here."

[Contravene]

Now that I've rambled on, I just would like to see where a woman who wants to be a man comes from on this.

It's because we aren't women who want to become men. We are men.

We don't just "want to be men" for whatever excitement factor you mentioned or so that we can play sports or workout. We want to transition our bodies to match the gender of our brains. Some of us just want to be able to look in the mirror every morning without flinching away from the person we don't recognize staring back at us. We don't want to have to go through life hearing the wrong voice come out of our mouths every time we speak.

The hobbies you mentioned are simply that, hobbies. They don't define a person's gender. Women are just as competitive as men albeit in different ways sometimes. Women enjoy sports. Women workout and do bodybuilding. Those latter two are about taking pride in your health and body. There are men also who don't care for sports or working out.

You really think women don't compete with one another to climb to the top of the social and physical ladders just like men do?

I've noticed that there are a lot of MtFs who seem very resentful towards men and masculinity. Have a little compassion and respect for your brothers. We go through many of the same things you do, just on the opposite side of the spectrum.

We don't want to be men. We are men. What we want is for our bodies to match that fact.

[treeLB]

You don't become one or the other because of perceived benefits of living as the other sex. Transition has absolutely nothing to do with that. You transition to bring your body into alignment as much as possible with your gender! and you accept all the good and bad that is going to come with doing that.

[Cindy]

 

I am not going to have anyone trying to invalidate either men or women on this site either deliberately, due to poor language, or ignorance.

No one, neither the men or women on this site choose to be trans*' we are, end of story. Transgender men are men and will be respected as such, just as trans women will be respected, and CD and nonbinary  will be respected for their journeys.

This site is for all, and everyone will be accepted for how they identify.

Anyone trying to argue this will be given short thrift.

Cindy
Forum Admin.

[treeLB]

I guess for me wanting to be a female, i can't see the benefit of being male, as I have already done it. I suppose it's likely the same view from the other end. Maybe I'm not even entirely sure if it was a question, but more so along the lines of why. Why do something one way and another does it a different way. We will both come to the same goal at the end. I guess it's just hard to see another persons point of view, when their's is the complete opposite.

Are you transitioning? I am really hoping that you are seeing a good counselor because I think you are coming at this from the wrong place.

There were a lot of benefits to living as male for me.  LOTS!  I totally had that white male privilege thing going on, and I was very good looking. Great job, great family. But I suffered inside because I knew it was wrong. It was living a lie for me. I transitioned not because I thought being a woman would be easier or to gain some perceived benefit from being a woman. I transitioned so I would feel right about myself. In doing that I gave up the privilege that I had and went through some bad stuff - a few years of sheer hell. I made great sacrifices so I could feel alright about myself. I did it because I am a woman.

For a man born as female it would be for the same reason, to fix themselves.

[ChiGirl]

Personally, I be a little worried about someone who wanted to "become a woman" because he was done with being a man.  I'm pre-everything and I know transition is going to be hard, but I'm at the point where I must.  Or else I'm just going to go back to bad habits that will give me a heart attack in a few years and I won't care.  It's literally transition or die for me.

Personally, I hated sports as a kid.  I got more into them as I grew up.  My wife is into football more than I am.  I've only seriously worked out in my life when I accepted myself as transgender.  I was working towards something. 

If I'm totally misunderstanding your post, please forgive me.  I would make sure you have this exact conversation with your therapist.  They are there to help you, do be honest with them.  No matter where your path takes you, good luck and hugs.  You are not alone.

[ChiGirl]

Benefits to being a man?
White male privilege?
Peeing standing up?
Yeah, I'll miss that a little, just for the sake convenience.

[CaptFido87]

Well, I have read and looked thoughtfully into everything that people had to say.

First, I'd like to say thank you all for the great responses. I am currently seeing this from a perspective of a guy and to me it just didn't make any sense. I am wanting to become a woman much similarly to woman becoming the man inside. So It was hard to understand how they felt. After reading all of this I've come to a better understanding of what I wanted to know.

Second, I now have the knowledge to better feel what others are going through. Simple responses like you just wanting to be the real you or saying it's not how you act and behave, it's want to live your life how you should. These are what hit home to me. It's basically now the same perspective that I get. I enjoy putting on dresses, wearing make-up, and looking pretty. Some enjoy putting on suits, feeling muscular, or playing sports. That's what I couldn't understand. It just never made sense because it was just something I felt was a necessary part of being a man. It's all stuff that I really took for granted and never saw a reason why. Now you folks have shown me it's something that isn't necessarily that's for me, but for others it's the world. 

Lastly, I want to apologize. I said that people want to be either a man or woman. I can now see that it's not so much of a want but a more a need. People just want to be themselves or rather their true selves. I see where that'd be confusing or misaligned.

Are you transitioning? I am really hoping that you are seeing a good counselor because I think you are coming at this from the wrong place.

Ah well, I'd like to say I'm the odd ball in the pocket. Yes I do very much want to transition. life, funds, and time-frame all are stuff that's currently delaying the process. With all of the delays it makes something of the dysphoria in me go "batsy" so to say. Honestly I can't wait to see a therapist because I'm going to spill out everything. I know it will not only change my life but get a lot of stupid crap off back back too. I'm one of those people who has to question everything, good or bad. So being a "negative person" as my mom say, It's just me questioning everything. For me I guess I find enjoyment in knowing the right answers to everything, whether or not I like the outcome.

That's where this whole discussion came from. I needed to know why people do things from the opposite spectrum. I perhaps went a little too far with it but It's really brought out a lot of useful info for my transition. To some, it may sound like I'm one of those people who's just doing this just because. That's fine it's somewhat true. Also I've been looking up info on all of this since about October of 2014. Everything that people are saying really seems to make sense to me now. I've done a great deal of thinking about my past and how I reacted to stuff or what I did. Everything is slowly begining to show signs that If I were a woman, it would make sense in why I did some stuff the way I did.

Sorry about ranting again folks. My mind runs a thousand miles a second, and my body just really has hard time picking up everything that needs processing. Thanks again for all of the great and useful stuff.

[cindy16]

I think many have already said here what I would to the same question - transitioning is to align our brains with our bodies, not because of any perceived benefits from being one gender or another. And our brains need not be on either end of the spectrum, they could be somewhere in between and that's OK too. A good counselor or therapist is the right person to help one sort this out.

About 'white male privilege' - well I am not white but I would say I have the equivalent of that privilege in my country. And in a largely transphobic and homophobic place like this, losing that privilege will definitely have an impact on my career, my marriage, my relationships with family and friends etc. If I could be sure that this impact would be minimal, something I could live with, or if the dysphoria were to grow to a point where the pain of not being myself becomes greater than the pain of losing everything else, then I would start transitioning right away. And I wouldn't care about any of the other stereotypical male activities etc because that was never me anyway.

But this is just my story. Each one's take on it would be different. And I have also come to this stage only after letting go of a lot of beliefs and stereotypes that we all gather over a life-long socialization into the genders we are assigned at birth.

[treeLB]

I am currently seeing this from a perspective of a guy and to me it just didn't make any sense. I am wanting to become a woman much similarly to woman becoming the man inside. So It was hard to understand how they felt. After reading all of this I've come to a better understanding of what I wanted to know.

To some, it may sound like I'm one of those people who's just doing this just because. That's fine it's somewhat true. Also I've been looking up info on all of this since about October of 2014. Everything that people are saying really seems to make sense to me now. I've done a great deal of thinking about my past and how I reacted to stuff or what I did. Everything is slowly begining to show signs that If I were a woman, it would make sense in why I did some stuff the way I did.

Hi

I know I am risking being rude or insensitive, and I don't want to hurt feelings. I am sorry!  But look, if you could not understand how they felt it is probably because you don't share the experience of what it is like to live as the opposite gender of what you are. If you did you would not need to be trying to understand through the questions you are asking. You are coming at it from the perspective of a guy and that is very very clear. That is a big problem if you are transitioning, and I am baffled about why you want to transition at all. You like to wear womans cloths and that is fine there is nothing wrong with that. Be a corssdressers or gender bender or whatever. But transitioning if you are a guy is a really horrible idea.

What makes you want to?

[CaptFido87]

What makes you want to?

Well I suppose that's big question now isn't it. I do feel the dysphoria in some ways, perhaps not as mentally as some but it could go along the lines of psychical properties as well. I do have depression and anxiety that kick in from time to time, sometimes much worse than others. I want to understand me, which is ultimately why everyone is on this sight. I am unsure of everything and anything nowadays. My mind never seems to give any clues about any of that.

Ever since I learned about all of this and the whole transgender world as a whole, It's begun to make a little sense to me. I simply feel like the life I've lived now was sort of just because. I did things I never agreed with or thought about because it was just what you do. The supposed "Guy Code" just always said do things this way because you are a man, so I never thought to question it. Now that I've started to see the world from a new view, I can question it. Trying on woman's clothes for the first time was unreal. I was skeptical until that point. Just looking at myself in the mirror I could hardly recognize me. It felt wonderful and real. I have begun feel more like a woman the more I think about it. Putting on make-up and doing my nails I felt like I was pulling away my ugly self image to see my real beauty. The more I think about it the more it proves to me that I was born in the wrong way.

I may not be able to properly explain my entire thought process on being a woman, but it's there somewhere. I have thought a good deal on the cross-dressing thing. Sure if this all turns out to be not what I had hoped for, I'd love to become a cross-dresser. The only problem with dressing in a woman's clothing is that I sometimes feel like a fake. Wearing a bra that doesn't fit well gives me an unrealistic image of myself. I try than to imagine what I'd look like with a good bra that fits me and shows off what I have, rather than the opposite. So it's still very vague.

I want to be me, and I feel that me is a woman. So that's all I can shoot for.