Hello Everyone!
I always hate introductions, but if we don't do them, then nobody will ever get to know us, hmm? Lol.
My name is Emily Rose Frost and I am a transgendered individual. Specifically, soon to be male to female. At the moment I'm still physically male, but hopefully in a few months I'll start HRT and be on my way to being me - inside and out!
I'm not sure if I should go into my whole life story here, or not, but since it can't hurt, I'm going to go ahead and do it!
I was born (almost) twenty-four years ago, in the month of April to very young parents. I love both of them and they've been very understanding and accepting since I came out as Trans a few weeks ago. I'm the eldest of four; I have one younger brother and two younger sisters. Growing up in my small town here in the Midwest, was a little interesting. I was always the "girly" boy in school. I played with Barbie dolls, played house, and even pranced around in my mother's high heels and wore her makeup. As you can imagine, my mother wasn't happy with that and both of my parents put an end to it. And I stuffed it all down and never wore makeup or high heels for a long time.
It wasn't until I was twelve that I started to realize I wasn't quite like the other boys I went to school with. While they all marveled over how their bodies were changing and their voices were dropping and how amazing girls were... I just didn't relate. I discovered that I found the guys attractive and found myself imagining marrying one of them one day. It was also around this time that I found I didn't like my body - but at the time figured it was because I wasn't as attractive as the other guys. And because of my budding sexual attraction to guys, I came out to my parents as gay. A couple years later I came out to my friends at school as gay and well word spread fast in our small school... I was suddenly being bullied and made fun of for liking guys. I still had issues with the way I looked and found myself looking at the girls I went to school with and becoming jealous.
It wasn't until I was about seventeen that I indulged in my secret love for high heels and makeup. And I didn't give one thought to how everyone else around me felt about it. A boy walking around wearing high heels and makeup. Of course, everyone was like: "Oh, he's gay, it makes sense!" But there was something inside me that didn't quite correlate to being a gay man. Or a man in general. And I even admitted to my father one day that I thought I was transgendered. (It was around seventeen that I first heard of the word transgendered.) But once again, due to how badly everyone had reacted to my being "gay", I stuffed it down and never allowed myself to think on it. I was determined to be "normal".
And for seven years I've kept that secret to myself. And while I applaud everyone who's homosexual and all that they're accomplishing... I've never felt that I was exactly like all the others. It wasn't until one of my ex-boyfriends asked me: "Would you become a woman if you could?" that I let myself think on it. But when he asked me that question, I answered a second later with a very firm: "Yes." After that he treated me differently and we ended up going separate ways. After him, I really took time for myself to discover why I'd answered the way I had and on how I felt about myself. And I realized that the reason why I've never been happy with myself is because I'm not myself.
I realized that all my insecurities about my body stemmed from the fact that I don't look like all the other girls. I'm missing parts and have the wrong parts. It's so funny to think back on everything and realize that if I'd allowed myself to think about myself and who I am, instead of trying to hard to please everyone else... I could have been happier before. Right now, I'm fully happy for once in my life. And even though I still look male right now, when I look in the mirror, my eyes, I see the girl inside and she's not screaming to be let out, or crying in a corner anymore.
I'm ready for this. Ready for my journey to begin.
In the last few weeks, I've "come out" as transgendered and even contacted a gender therapist. I've even started to wear makeup, earrings, and high heels again. My first appointment with my therapist is April 9th, 2015. And since the appointment was made, I've felt this weight lift off of my shoulders. I've taken that first step and I can't wait to see what happens next!
Oh, and one more thing, I hope to make friends of all kinds on here! It'd be nice to have friends who fully understand what this journey is like/are on the same path. While I love the friends I have, they don't always fully understand... Lol.
With Love,
Emily
