Just have to get this out.

[Ace_Javert]

I'm really sorry for this post, but I just kinda have to get words out before it builds up and I'm a little drunk at almost four in the morning and this is the only place I felt comfortable enough to do it on without waking someone up
Again so frickin sorry.

So about a month ago I sat down to a normal coffee date with my best friend I'm the whole world, (We went through so much together it's not even funny. I spent the night when my mom kicked me out and she was the first person I told that I might be Non binary...) our conversation made its usual tangents and eventually circles around to the fact that I am interested, at least in part, in transitioning physically. She posed her usual devils advocate type questions and seemed generally supportive.

I haven't seen her since. I invited her out a little while after and she said we have to "talk" but not a public type convo.
Since I haven't gotten as much as a text my way. So tonight my other best friend convinced me to send her a wtf text and finally clear the air..

I'm scared.

This woman was my platonic life partner. Saw me through some of the worst >-bleeped-< in my life and I Might have to hear the words "we are no longer friends" from her and I don't know that I can go through that with her. I'm not the kind of person to form bonds easily and to have my anchor float away has caused my whole self worth to just take a dive.
I called this a shrödongers friendship and I'm afraid to open the box to find it dead.


Again I am so sorry to anyone who reads this drivel. I just needed to can't this out before I do something crazy like add more lines to my arm..

Thank you so much for existing.
Jav.

[suzifrommd]

Hugs, Ace. I've been there - seen my wife of 20 years and my best friend drift away because she wanted a man and I needed to be a woman. It hurts and it sucks and it tears the soul apart.

The best you can do is face the fear. You are strong enough. Don't cut yourself (I'm assuming that's what you're referring to). That's just a way to avoid feeling what you need to feel. It's hard, but you can do it.

Then ask for the courage to move on, to branch out, to climb that steep hill and rebuild your life.

If your friend comes back, great. Either way, you need to find new resources. They are there, and you are strong enough to find them.

[Laura_7]

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=post;topic=185244.0;last_msg=1647602

Please reach out... if you want to talk to someone you can call one of those for example, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
translifeline dot org

Sometimes its dependent on the person on the line.. just keep at it and reach out...

Well you might simply talk to your friend about your emotions... that you would like to keep them as friends, and that you value them...
I'd say talk about it with each other... its often people have preconceived ideas, maybe from the media (which is changing now), which you might simply talk about... an honest talk, what you really think... well that should be something you have done before, so I'd say take it easy and see what shows up, no need to worry too much

you might make the comparison with a male/female twin... your core will be still the same, the same sense of humour, etc...

and come here... alone writing might help... and people here will try to support you

hugs

[Lady Smith]

Ace, it's an unfortunate fact that friends will often drift away once you've come out and started to transition.  I saw this happen in my own life when I came out over twenty years ago now.  Even those friends I had who were understanding and supportive drifted away in those first few months because I was changing and leaving behind the hollow husk of the man I'd tried so hard to be.  My friends were used to the husk and now I was somebody completely different.

It may be that you have to give your friend time to come to terms with what you've told her.  Remember that what you've told would have come as a complete surprise so even though it's difficult you just have to be patient.  She has indicated that she wants to talk, but not in a public place, so I would say that the situation does look hopeful.

[adrian]

Hey Ace, I'm sorry -- that is a scary situation. I hope it is not what you think and everything will be cleared up. I definitely think it's not cool to leave you hanging in the air like that after such an announcement. Let us know how things are going, ok?

[Ace_Javert]

Thank you all for your support.
I talked to her today and she said she no longer wishes to be my friend. She says we just drifted and that she was no longer happy.
She was just so blasé about all of it and so unlike herself that I just turned back around and didnt ask in depth as to why. I regret that now.

But It's a huge chapter of my life thats now closed unexpectedly.

Again thank you all for putting up with this
Jav.

[Laura_7]

Thank you all for your support.
I talked to her today and she said she no longer wishes to be my friend. She says we just drifted and that she was no longer happy.
She was just so blasé about all of it and so unlike herself that I just turned back around and didnt ask in depth as to why. I regret that now.

But It's a huge chapter of my life thats now closed unexpectedly.

Again thank you all for putting up with this
Jav.

Well you could send her some material... showing this is not a choice, and its still people... with feelings, etc , like everybody else...

Well its some kind of stopping to communicate what happened... you might say so, and send her something and see if she comes around, or not...

but, well, its up to you.. I'd say listen to your feelings...

hugs anyway  *hug*

[adrian]

Jav,

this is very tough, I'm sorry!

Please take into account that this is not about something you did, but that there are things going on at her end which you cannot influence. I find I sometimes have to remind myself of this because I always automatically blame myself and try to figure out where I went wrong, when often the problem isn't "on my end".

But if you don't want to let the friendship go like this, maybe give it a little time and write your thoughts down for your friend. I hope she will come around!