I grew up as a very dirty boy. I never bothered to take care of my clothes or my appearance because I was oblivious to myself, in favor of observing the world. Because of the attention that I paid to my own appearance, I was under the impression that beauty "doesn't matter". That "you don't need makeup" to be pretty, "you don't need to be skinny". I was fairly vocal about these opinions, believing myself to be somewhat of an observant feminist. I never understood (ahem, listened) to why it was that the women I championed these viewpoints to weren't welcoming my message of liberation with open arms. Observant!
I came out to my best friend a bit ago, and she said "this is nice, now I'll never have to hear you tell me why I don't need to do bla bla bla to be beautiful". Ouch. I've learned a bit over the years... so the first thing out of my mouth was "Oh, crap! Yes, I was an idiot!" and only then did I attempt to explain why I said these things, and listened when she explained how they were taken.
On the way to work today, a beat poet was on the radio. He was responding to the question "If there was anything you could change about your body, what would it be?" And he had some beautiful responses to the question: "I would turn my turn my nose into a rose, so that any time you lean in for a sniff, I could steal a kiss." I can dig it! But then... he went down the same track the old "observant feminist" went down.
So often, these messages of liberation are delivered by people who, frankly, don't know what the heck they're talking about. Yes, it's a shame how much industry execs make off of us, sucks about what sorts of ads we see, yeah. Anybody can see that. But did I ever want to be beautiful? Nope. So what the heck did I know?
But people that they were wrong for wanting to be beautiful... I now understand that the feeling "I'm not beautiful" causes shame in those who want to be. I was telling them that they are weak to be motivated by shame. I was even convincing when I did it! I couched my argument in terms of morality and liberation. I preached beautiful ideals, and only a lesser person would allow themselves to be motivated by perceived pressure from society! Let's all say it loud, "shame on you for feeling shame"! Or wait. No. Shame's alright, it's just a feeling we have sometimes.
But now, I do want to be beautiful, I'd even say that I've been beautiful. There's a magic in it. If you know you're beautiful, or even if you simply think you've done something that makes you more beautiful, you're more confident. People pay more attention to you. People trust you more. Who wouldn't want that? What's there to feel ashamed of?
Be beautiful. Or don't. Whatever.
(Edited for swears. who knew? I'm no "lady", if that's what it takes.)
