I hate Mother's Day (I know it sound's awful)

[HexenPixi]

Does anyone else feel that way? It's kind of a stress every year for me when it comes around. My family never was supportive of me since my transition. One side of the family is ultra-conservative bayerisch-Germans who blame my dysphoria and depression on my "sinful life," and the other half doesn't want anything to do with me.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has really messed up family. So what do we do in this situation, when the tradition is to send mother's day cards? I love my family, regardless, but I get nausea looking at the cards that say "you're the  best," because it isn't true. Has anyone else experienced this guilt?   

[CarlyMcx]

My dad was an enabler from a family that is rotten with bipolar disorder.  Not a lot of drug use in that family, but bad and manipulative behavior galore.  Mom was an enabler from a family full of alcoholism.  My brother is the one with bipolar, and he acted crazy since he was old enough to walk and talk, but was not formally diagnosed or put on meds until he was in his late thirties.

My brother constantly picked on and tormented me growing up, and always acted like the perfect little angel the minute dad started to notice.  It was like a nasty game with him.  And when he terrorized me as a young adult, and I tried to air my grievances with Dad, Dad tried to "enlist me into the effort to help my brother."

For reasons I still cannot fathom, mom and dad always treated my younger brother and sister far better than they treated me.  Even my wife noticed this, without any prompting from me.

Dad was extremely toxic and manipulative.  He never had any friends.  All his socializing was with his parents and siblings, and he loved to meddle and gossip.  Mom was just angry all the time, and I received a lot of gratuitous punishment growing up.  And both of them had an "If I catch you being happy I'm gonna do everything I can think of to mess up your good time" attitude.

So, yeah.  For me, Father's Day is the last day of the U.S. Open golf tournament.  Nothing more.

[HexenPixi]

My dad was an enabler from a family that is rotten with bipolar disorder.  Not a lot of drug use in that family, but bad and manipulative behavior galore.  Mom was an enabler from a family full of alcoholism.  My brother is the one with bipolar, and he acted crazy since he was old enough to walk and talk, but was not formally diagnosed or put on meds until he was in his late thirties.

My brother constantly picked on and tormented me growing up, and always acted like the perfect little angel the minute dad started to notice.  It was like a nasty game with him.  And when he terrorized me as a young adult, and I tried to air my grievances with Dad, Dad tried to "enlist me into the effort to help my brother."

For reasons I still cannot fathom, mom and dad always treated my younger brother and sister far better than they treated me.  Even my wife noticed this, without any prompting from me.

Dad was extremely toxic and manipulative.  He never had any friends.  All his socializing was with his parents and siblings, and he loved to meddle and gossip.  Mom was just angry all the time, and I received a lot of gratuitous punishment growing up.  And both of them had an "If I catch you being happy I'm gonna do everything I can think of to mess up your good time" attitude.

So, yeah.  For me, Father's Day is the last day of the U.S. Open golf tournament.  Nothing more.

Jeeze, I'm sorry :/ You've been through  a lot.
It's hard when these holidays come around, and I see family's connecting and being supportive. I think I secretly get jealous, or maybe because I feel obligated to contact my family, but it has been more detrimental than healthy lately, so I have to take the harder path of being without them. I think no matter how much we tell ourselves we don't "need" them, it's only natural to want family in our life, and for them to be supportive unconditionally.

[sam1234]

Your feelings come directly from the way you were treated. Feelings are not something you can just turn on and off like a faucet. Sometimes the best way to deal with feelings of grudges and resentment is to try and understand where the other person is coming from. I'm not saying its easy.

If your family is very traditional and religious, that is their choice. What is sinful and what is not varies from religion to religion, family to family, and the only being who knows the truth is God. ->-bleeped-<- is not a punishment put upon you for not living right. It has nothing to do with what you have done in the past. There are transgenders who are kind, compassionate, helpful people, while there are other transgenders who go out of their way to hurt others. No different than the rest of the population.

Forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things in life to do, but not forgiving just eats away at you. Perhaps just making it clear that its your life and you have to live it to your own expectations, not your families, may put a stop to some of the attitudes they have. At least what they say allowed to you. Don't let other people's ideas of who and what you are ruin your life. Send the card and be as gracious as you can.

If your family wants to waste their time worrying about your way of life, there isn't much you can do to stop them. Just don't ruin your own life. Not all families get along. They may appear to on the outside, but most families have their own problems that they don't let others see.

sam1234