Did people treat you differently once you started passing?

[sparrow]

I've never passed as female, even when I've tried.  However... random strangers are more prone to smile at me when I'm smiling, now that I dress femme.  Maybe I'm passing at 20 paces!    Ehhh... doubt it.  I walk like a very impatient man.

[KarlMars]

Even with a really short male haircut and all men's clothes and unshaved legs people can tell I'm a woman, and I usually just get funny stares once in awhile.

[Eva Marie]

People that I don't know treat me way differently now - I get ignored, talked over, cut in front of, and treated like my IQ has dropped. They obviously see me and treat me as a female.

The ignoring thing is weird - it's like i'm totally invisible or something. People just don't pay any attention to me whatsoever in public anymore. I never get catcalled either. Maybe I come across as an older ugly woman or something 

The people that knew me before would mostly be the people that I work with. I have experienced some misogyny and some things that tell me i'm not in the brogrammer crowd anymore from my male coworkers. My female coworkers treat me like one of their own, and my male supervisors use a kinder, gentler tone of voice with me. The weird thing is that i've caught a few of the guys in the office giving me "the look" that tells me that they were checking me out which is more than a little weird.

[RachaelAnne]

As my wife puts it no matter what I wear I look female...

What I've noticed at work is that the women I walk by used to look down or away when passing in the hallway.  Now they make eye contact and say hi and sometimes strike up a short conversation.

Most men I work with that know me have started to change, talking over me more and more as my hair length has continued to increase.
The men at work I don't know are very nice to me.  They let me go first or open doors for me.
None of that happened before...

Out shopping, I tend to get into conversations with women very easy all the time.  Never happened before.  And men usually let me go first, open doors or like Eva Marie I get the type of guys who treat all women as beneath them and I'm ignored and talked down too.

No matter how I'm treated I love it when I'm seen as me!  It's so much better both the good and the bad.

[Hikari]

Everyone treats me well and I pass, and am stealth at work......prior to transition when I mentioned it, people were very hostile to the idea of me ever being a woman, they didn't understand I already was and I didn't look the part.

Sadly with the way society is I think appearances matter far more than substance ever could.

[KarlMars]

Everyone treats me well and I pass, and am stealth at work......prior to transition when I mentioned it, people were very hostile to the idea of me ever being a woman, they didn't understand I already was and I didn't look the part.

Sadly with the way society is I think appearances matter far more than substance ever could.

Do you still work at the same place you did before you transitioned?

[Ashey]

People that I don't know treat me way differently now - I get ignored, talked over, cut in front of, and treated like my IQ has dropped. They obviously see me and treat me as a female.

This, so much. Men will treat me like I don't know anything or that they obviously need to help me with something even if they don't know what it is. Just, all of that kind of crap. And of course there's the flirting, the getting hit-on, and even getting the occasional discount on things just 'cause.. which is really weird.

From women, they'll either be relaxed with me to the point that they tell me their life story while we're in a check-out line or I get cold-shouldered, sometimes due to jealousy. I sometimes get compliments on my clothes or whatev, especially if I'm wearing heels.

Babies often look at me and smile. 🙂 And I had one lil girl accidentally call me mommy... I guess there was a resemblance.

My mom and I are closer and talk more. My dad is also maybe a bit friendlier, but otherwise he's always been distant. Interestingly enough, he has always treated me differently from my brothers, and one of my sisters confirmed that I basically get treated like they do. Consequently, we both have daddy issues.. The rest of my family, well... not much change, though my brother-in-law is more of a jerk because of all this but once he saw I was doing well he mellowed. My nieces and I get on well and talk like any two ladies would. They've been very accepting. I think some of this stuff is due to growing up though.

And my friends that knew me before transitioning generally treat me the same, maybe slightly differently. However, I did notice that some of my guy friends, forever ago when I first told them I wanted to transition, started treating me differently. Like, opening doors for me. Very strange. 

I think the biggest difference is in how men treat me. Like night and day.

[Hikari]

Do you still work at the same place you did before you transitioned?

No but, I talked to some people at the previous place of employment and they told me to apply and didn't at all recognize me despite the fact I really don't look that different and I worked with them for over a year. I think that would be somewhat odd though to be semi stealth and work with people I used to work with, but if the pay better than the current place that might just be a reality lol.

[sparrow]

So this is kinda interesting.  I've finally found the "femme enough" point.  If I wear lipstick and put my hair up in a crown braid, people treat me differently.  Among other things, I'm not getting called sir or ma'am!  I'm vancouver-passing for gender neutral!

[Deborah]

I don't know what I am passing as but being called Sir has become an extremely rare thing the past few months no matter what I am wearing or doing.  It's become so rare that it's gotten surprising when I hear it.  Anyway, whatever people are thinking about me I have noticed that they are much friendlier in general, smiling more and striking up friendly conversations.  That's happening with both men and women.   Maybe it's because I don't look morose all the time now. 

[stephaniec]

woman smile at me a whole lot more and men seem to look at my chest a lot.

[Eva Marie]

and even getting the occasional discount on things just 'cause.. which is really weird.

Oh yes - I completely forgot about that!

One day I went to the local car dealer to get some special transmission oil that my car uses - I had previously read on the internet that the cost was about $23/quart.

The parts counter guy was a middle aged guy that was obviously taken with me - he looked nervous in that goofy way that guys get around a female that they find attractive. He noticed and commented on my nails "looking nice" (acrylics - I had just had them filled and painted) so I made sure to leave my hands on the counter 

During our conversation I mentioned that I had read what the oil costs and he got a silly grin on his face and told me that he'd discount it for me - and he did!

[Kylo]

Yes;

Before they would approach me easily and feel I wasn't friendly or warm enough.

Now they are more hesitant to approach but find me friendly and warm.

Win-win, I guess?

[Corax]

Even though I had thought I would never pass pre-T I did pass as soon as I came out and presented as male.
Because I was fortunate enough to pass from the start as long as I didn't open my mouth to speak too much, I don't know how it is to be a transperson who doesn't pass in society.

The only things I have gotten pre-T were people who got complete confused due to the voice. My voice was what didn't pass! They saw a man but heard a voice that wasn't deep, didn't fit what they saw and that made them uncomfortable because they didn't want to insult me by calling me the wrong gender, so one could see how their brains desperately tried to figure out whether I was a poor (cis) lad with a too high pitched voice or a (cis) chick unfortunate enough to look and act complete like a man. None of them guessed that I was a transguy though because most people aren't really aware of the existence of trans people in their everyday life where I live. It's not really a subject of interest here.

This is what changed when my voice finally passed together with me thanks to testosterone. Now I can speak and no one will question my maleness anymore 😉


There is a difference between being a man in society and being a woman in society though. This society caters around women much more, it is gynocentric in many aspects. People are less nice, accommodating and helpful towards men and pay women much more positive attention.
Especially the school system is mostly devoted to behaviours and talents mostly common in females nowadays and is going further down that road. Typical male behaviour is often frowned upon and discouraged.
Since I have never ever even for a second been a girl/woman, regardless of what people saw me as, I had all the same struggles with this the other male students had too, just with the extra bonus of people expecting from me to be good at all the things I completely sucked at which led to them constantly voicing their disappointment about me and with my lack of emotionality, bad social skills and disinterest in social stuff, caretaking and other feminine things.

That's one reason why I find it hilarious that some people try to tell me I had a "female socialisation" because I had not. Socialising a man as a woman isn't possible! They tried but failed, it didn't work because it can't work. It just caused frustration, irritation and aggression on both sides and made life harder especially for me. I have a male brain and that didn't change because they unsuccessfully tried to teach me female behaviour that was unnatural for me. I also struggled to even bond with females and usually had male friends anyway and socialised myself in a masculine way regardless of what the teachers or my parents tried.

Overall I have never been seen as a real girl/woman and I have never gotten all of those female privileges my female classmates have gotten for example. Those chicks regularly attacked me and when I defended myself the teachers and other students always decided that I was in the wrong because I was masculine, taller and physically stronger and not supposed to defend myself against those fine girls who hated me and didn't want me to get sorted into their group.
But at the same time society didn't see me as a man either because "ID says you're a chick" so I was actually just viewed as some sort of freak show before I came out.
Honestly, I didn't socially transition from female to male, I socially transitioned from freak to male in society.

[Nina]

Not sure how to respond.
I "kept" only a handful of friends whom I knew before transition. They treat me exactly the same, have never ever misgendered me, nor said anything remotely offensive.
I have way more friends now than before...they just treat me as Nina, never having knew the before Nina. No one even has been curious or asked questions. They just see me as Nina.
I often wonder why no one asks, but I figure people think they'll ask something wrong...or I won't want to talk about. Some days I forget I had surgery, or that I was this other person.

[Julia1996]

Yes. The biggest difference was how guys treated me. They are far more friendly to me and sweet. And naturally guys became more flirty. Some are total pigs. Of course there is more mansplaining and being talked down to too. It also seems like some guys just assume I'm almost too stupid to walk. My brother's friends are much more reserved and much more polite than before. The changes in how females treated me was much more subtle. Even before I transitioned I don't think most females even considered me a " real boy".

[MeTony]

I have noticed that people pay much less attention to me as male. I can go where ever I want when ever I want and guys don't look me in the eyes when we pass. Looking in other guys eyes is hostile. I am almost invisible.  I'm free somehow. Women does not compare them selves to me. Women do that a lot.

When I was a poor excuse of a girl, people payed more attention to me. But I was often "misgendered". People were unsure if I was a girl or a guy.

[Julia1996]

I have noticed that people pay much less attention to me as male. I can go where ever I want when ever I want and guys don't look me in the eyes when we pass. Looking in other guys eyes is hostile. I am almost invisible.  I'm free somehow. Women does not compare them selves to me. Women do that a lot.

When I was a poor excuse of a girl, people payed more attention to me. But I was often "misgendered". People were unsure if I was a girl or a guy.

Looking another guy in the eyes is hostile?? Guys are so weird and have some really strange rules. Lol

[rose]

Looking another guy in the eyes is hostile?? Guys are so weird and have some really strange rules. Lol

Exactly

Once when I was a little I smiled to stranger ( guy ) while I was passing the street he looked at me with very hostile look and asked me what I want

I never smiled to anyone again That moment scared me as child

Somehow they act in "animal like behavior"
Don't look in the eyes is one of these act

[rose]

I start hormones when I was in my teen
( self medication because no doctor here is willing to help ts person at all )
Now it's 8 years since I first started and my appearance changed too

But Because my country criminalize transition ,transgender and crossdressing

I never had the chance to live fully as woman which hurt me a lot
Because here all cis girls must cover their body with special clothes (vail)
And Because crossdressing is illegal
the police arrest trans girls who do that
And sometimes they post it in newspapers
because in our government eyes trans girl is (homo guy) and trans guy is ( lesbian )
No matter what you have done or change in your body

I notice the confusion in the people eyes everytime I walk to public places

People act in very negative way against me

I avoid going to public places because I'm scared

These things happens even before I take hormones but now increase even more

What I hate the most even tho im feminine and I have letter that say I'm transsexual with gender dysphoria
My whole country view me as feminine gay guy or famboy

They just see being gay and being trans the same thing

So for me even after years of hormones
And being feminine I'm forced to live in male mood

Im sure when I go to safe place and start to live as woman my quality of life will improve
And I will no longer forced to live as something I don't identify with

Then I can come back and talk about my experience