Acceptance How did you do it.

[Paige]

There are no easy answers or solutions...will just keep moving forward.
Sarah T

Hi Sarah,

That does seem to be the only thing to do. 
I hope it works out for you.

Paige

[LizK]

Paige one thing is for sure...things will never be the same for me again...and I mean that in a positive way. Thanks for chiming in.

[Bunter]

There are groups for SOs that are not hateful. Some younger SOs are even fine with their partners transitioning, or at least can deal with it. Check out what Helen Boyd is writing.

[buttertly]

Hi Paige

No butting in....just kidding. I value the input from as many people as I can. I sat my wife down and pulled up the forum and left her too it for about half an hour. Her comments were thus, most of them have not been married as long, your not the same, it doesn't really apply. I had tried to get her to make a post and ask the questions she won't ask of me but I really seriously think she wouldn't because the answers were not what she wanted to hear.  I have not categorically stated to her that I want to transition...I am not there myself...Yet...but I am so much closer to transitioning than I am to chucking it all in suitcase and burying it. In fact exactly the opposite is happening, the more I look into this the more I know it is right for me. We have had "discussions" but they go no where because she just says to me "that's not what you want to do is it?"...and my reply is always been the same..."I am not sure there is a big part of me that says yes and part of me that says no" I know this isn't easy for her but it is no bed of roses for me either.

I never asked my wife to be a lesbian, sex hasn't been part of our relationship for years due to many factors both medical and personal. In fact it has been an issue in our lives since the kids were born. I have never been a highly sexed person and quite frankly wondered what all the noise was about. Ok it was nice but...So when it stopped I wasn't too concerned and over the years it has got no better. So when she says she is not a lesbian, ok, so what makes her think that she will become one? Two women living in the same house do not make Lesbians. My situation is probably unique in the respect of sex because both myself and my wife have had a few years with some tough medical issues and intimacy was difficult. However she would agree that it was an issue long before the medical stuff came along.

I agree the Key is to keep communications open but it also takes both partner to be willing to communicate honestly and I suspect for some reason my wife is telling me what she thinks I want to hear. I still suspect that she thinks this will all go away like it has before...what she hasn't realised is the can is open and there are worms everywhere...there is no putting this back in the tin like before.

I came across a forum for SO's and it was the most disgracefully ill informed peace of rubbish I have come across. All the answers to these women were full of transphobic hate. They seem to believe that this is a choice and we are not "born this way" but a very sick individuals and therefore there is no hope for the relationship and they encourage all spouses to exit the marriage as soon as the transition is announced. I think the women on this site have been hurt badly but continue to feed their own anger. They all hang on the fact they were not told before marriage. I told mine and she even helped me buy a wig before we got married...it does not seem to have made much difference in the long run. I think that has something to do with keeping it hidden from her so she thinks its gone away. There are no easy answers or solutions...will just keep moving forward.

Sarah T

Sarah your wife will accept ANYTHING from you. The problem is the bigotry other people will put her through.

[buttertly]

I was in a similar situation when I was 25; at that time I was thinking of finding a way to transition, and I came out to my then fiancé, she talked me out of pursuing it, and told me that in her opinion, if I were to proceed my life would be hell, and that only a very small percentage of transsexuals were able to transform into passable women. So, I stuffed my feelings once again, and went about my life in denial, but when I was 35 and started doing research on the internet; I learned about HRT, FFS, and other feminizing surgeries, and I knew that with time I could do this. I'm not perfectly passable, but I'm comfortable in my skin, and treated like a woman by everyone, and never misgendered, so what more could I ask for; I'm 100% me, 100% of the time.

well you must live in a nicer place than me.

[Paige]

well you must live in a nicer place than me.

Hi Butterly,
Where do you live?
Paige

[buttertly]

Hi Butterly,
Where do you live?
Paige

Brisbain Queensland Australia.