Going to do a little soul-baring here.
Alcohol was never something on my agenda. My 21st birthday consisted of me playing Leisure Suit Larry (yes, the old DOS game) in a hotel room in Vegas instead of going downstairs drinking and gambling. I started drinking only about three years ago (age 23, I'm 26 now). People found me entertaining while I drank and I think that encouraged me to have it in my life. Instead of being shy and awkward as I always was, I would do crazy things and people enjoyed watching me make a fool out of myself. I thought that meant I was finally getting friends, but in reality they were just people who enjoyed watching me make a fool of myself.
And then it never went away. A major family catastrophe lead me to drinking by myself quite a bit. A bad breakup right after that catastrophe lead to me drinking even more by myself. For a while it was bad - copious amounts on a nightly basis - and then I stopped out of the blue. I studied for my personal trainer certification, didn't have a single drink, and then went out for a celebratory shot with my best guy friend after I was certified.
And there it was again. Now, I usually drink with my fiancee, and for the most part it's "normal." But I still don't like how it affects me anymore. I think I do it too much, and have too many days where I do it too hard.
Last night I really went too hard. Wayyyy too hard. I got so drunk that I ordered a pizza and stuffed my face with it (I am a calorie counting fitness fanatic and I feel like garbage today). I know that doesn't sound like much compared to "torched a car" or "woke up in France," but it's still behavior I don't usually do and severely guilt myself over. Between a tummy full of bad food and bad alcohol, today I feel like I should probably be in bed.
So with that delightful feeling in mind, I want to stop again, hopefully permanently.
And that's what I'm going to do.
