I dont know what to think about my situation.

[ikanote]

i havent been on this site for a month.. I did some therapy but not a lot has been going well for me.. i am just wondering how a lot of you are doing to make it easier. some days i am so confident and excited and boom... back to depression. I have told everyone in my job i am trans.. i did it because they were making up stuff and i ended up confessing.. truth is that it kind made me a bit of loner.. people dont talk me like before.. i get stared at in very disturbing way at work.. everywhere and i dont even.wear anything feminine.. i tell my friends this but they are just like.. "forget them".. it doesnt help.. a lot of my feelings to dress feminine has disappear because i am scared of feeling like some sort aberration. i know my face is extremely masculine.. but i dont feel it inside.. i dont look how i feel but to others.. its a different story.. ive been working hard.to do hair removal to help.. but getting the money is not as hard as figuering out on what to spend on.. im scared of making a wrong.decision...

pretty much ive been feeling lonelier.. talking to certain friends has helped a lot but.. im sad when we.dont talk. i cant miss my dose once or i feel extremely suicidal.. lately ive been.. very excited to dress up for halloween.. but my friends are discouraging me from buying something for halloween because they say ill be wasting to much money.. i honestly dont even know what to do... i feel halloween is a good time to try looking girly.. but my friends say its still to early.. i feel sort of defeated.. i know who i am but being me seems to be making lonier..
sigh

[Hannahh]

Hi Ikanote,

Is it your life you want to live or your friend's live ? Sorry maybe to be a little rude. It seems that your feeling depends of the other, their opinion about you or their reactions. Ikanote, in my opinion, you have to live your life and what you really feel in the deep of yourself. So, give time for the other about acceptance.
About your face, time will come for a surgery if you feel that you need it.
Believe just in you and in what it is the most important for you.
Warmly,
Hannah

[Mariah]

Your situation isn't all that uncommon. All the male socialization leaves us behind our CIS counterparts. I know when I first started by clothes I was just as concerned as you are about making a wrong decision. Luckily for me my mom has been helpful along with friends helping me avoid problems which really helped early on. Now after over a year of being full time I really have homed my own style. Are there any support groups  or female friends and family near you that might be willing to help you. Also don't forget you can run ideas past us too. It's such a difficult task when you first start out and it's possible your going to have a few missteps. If and when you feel comfortable you could try the clothes on and see how they look on you. I went shopping for clothes not all that long ago and as much as seeing what things looked like on the hangers gave me an idea there was really no replacing the knowledge gained by holding the items up against yourself ad or trying them on. I think you will be surprised how nice you look once you have the clothes on. As for the people at your work all I can see say is give them time. If they say and do things that are hurtful towards you letting the HR department know might be helpful. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[LizK]

Have you tried wearing nice underwear under you male clothes...I know it has helped a little with my Dysphoria...I have gone a bit further and now wear perfume and earrings (usually just keepers ) each day. How about a skin care routine? I know it makes me feel great. I carry a "man bag" its borderline male/female but I don't care I have heaps of other very masculine features so it is unlikely anyone even gives me a second look...I hope you find your peace

Sarah T

[Ms Grace]

Hi, unfortunately telling people you're trans without the "accompanying transition" they would expect usually just confuses them. I found that to be the case with my first tilt at transition when I told people well in advance of any presentation as female, full time or otherwise. Do you expect you'll pursue transition? Do you have a timeline on that? Have you been going out as your identified gender? Theses are all things to think about or consider.

[Obfuskatie]

I kind of agree with your friends on the Halloween thing, but for another reason... Do you really want to have to wear a female outfit as a costume? And how will it feel taking the "costume" off? I wasn't able to do that or drag, because I didn't want to cry or feel numb for days after when I put my guy clothes back on.
I think you need to make a concrete plan. I started with year 1, the year of hair: coming out to family, electrolysis, laser and transplant with HRT started in the middle of it. Year 2, the year that shall not be named: had nervous breakdown and left school, coming out to friends and dad, ear piercings, more hair removal. The year of getting my ... stuff ... together, year 3: I went full time a little before I had FFS, more hair removal, shopping for next surgeries, scheduled a tattoo for next Feb, got therapist, back in grad-school after a hiatus.
I'm almost at the beginning of Year 4, and I plan to have my bottom surgery during one of my school breaks this year, along with my boobs and possibly a second hair transplant as I'm not yet happy with the fullness of my hair.
I couldn't handle being stealth in my transition as long as I tried it, 2 years of feeling like my body had to be hidden was horrible.
Anyway, just thought you might want to see what my general plan actually ended up being.

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Hikari]

I remember, friends of mine, also told me not to dress for Halloween or spend money on clothes, saying it was "too soon". If your friends are anything like mine, then they want to protect you, but also they probably don't understand how far you are along or not. I realized that my friends were very bad at judging if I could pass, without seeing me presenting female. Once I did, they were all like "why didn't you do this sooner?" which made me realize pretty early on, that only I knew what I was and wasn't ready for.

[ikanote]

a lot of you gave some great advice..
i think... i might have gone wrong somewhere... im not mentally healthy.. therapy has help a lot.. but my thoughts of not belonging never goes away.. that and my cousin specifically has been insensitive towards me and he pushes me to no end.. though supportive he has been hurting me more than helping me..
its not that i am trying to live my life for other people but its more that i dont want.to scare.anyone away .. its hard enough feeling alone... i do have to do something for myself but...i never seem to know the.answer..

sometimes its easier to just to let time fly away.... but..
i will try to give myself some time to think about myself.. and try sone other things