I've been struggling with the realisation lately that I don't think it would be a good idea for me and my wife to have anymore children (we have one daughter - 9mnths old).
I would like to have a bigger family, maybe 3 kids. My wife is keen, in fact we had always planned to try for another once our girl was 1 years old.
The thing that made me wonder if it is a good idea is that I am struggling to cope as it is. Everyone says that the next kid is not as hard as the first but I am really struggling now. Another kid could push me over the edge, push us over the edge. The main issue as I see it is my wife suffers from depression. This, combined with her being supper unfit and a food addiction results in her having no energy. She sleeps half the weekends away, goes to bed early, and she has no reserves for anything.
I love to look after my little girl, but I don't get a lot of support from my partner. I do all the cooking, a fair share of the housework plus looking after our property, and I spend more time looking after my daughter than my wife does, yet my wife still requires more from me. When I have a bad week and just decide the dishes can be left undone she gets on my case - (sometimes this is deserved though, but there is no leeway when I am 'off my game'.) There is no back stop for when I am tired, or sick, or just can't handle a tantrum, or when the dysphoria is bad and I just want to escape. My wife simply has nothing left in the tank. It is emotionally draining for me to be with a depressed partner too. What's worse is I don't have much left to offer back when she is in a really bad way. This has put a lot of pressure on our relationship.
I've talked to her about this but as with most depressives they can get really inward focused and can get out of touch with the world, and when they are feeling better they can't remember the bad bits. She just can't see that I am really struggling because when she is good everything is much easier for me.
I guess I could ask for more help from my family, that would help me some. But they can't be there in the middle of the night when my child has a temperature, my wife can't open her eyes and I have a cold.
This has lead me to the conclusion that we should not have anymore kids at this stage. I don't think I could cope. My wife thinks she can but she can't see that she was not really coping that well before we even had a child. I'm not sure whether I should feel guilty about this or not. I do feel bad about it. I feel like I am letting my wife down, and I feel like I am letting everyone else down who keep asking "when are you going to have another". I feel bad that my brother and his partner are planning the next child and are asking us about our plans. It is a bit like admitting defeat. You do the best you can but sometimes it is not enough.
My batteries are pretty low at the moment. Thankfully my daughter is healthy and happy and growing up beautifully and I'm currently her fravorite person in the whole world
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Anyway just wanted to tell someone.
