So here's a quick summary before I start telling my story: I am a 21 year old biological female who has felt a pervasive sense of gender dysphoria throughout my entire life and now finally plan on beginning the steps to transitioning
and now for the story (I'll try not to ramble too much):
As far back as I can remember, and up until the point where I learned about the differences in genitalia of the sexes, I thought that the doctors who designated me as female had made a mistake. Nothing in particular caused these feelings, I just always felt that something wasn't "right" with me being female and consistently identified with what was considered traditionally "masculine." When i had my first period I cried for days because it was physical proof that i was an official girl. I was so upset, I thought this was the end and my life was over. I dressed in men's clothes/didn't shave my legs up until high school where the social pressure/ridicule got overwhelming. So then i started wearing women's clothes, but it always felt like a masquerade. At some point in high school i cut my hair really short and started dressing more masculine again, it was a relief. But then for a while, and more social pressure, I went back to dressing in a feminine style. Again, it was just a masquerade.
I simply do not feel comfortable having female reproductive organs, they just serve as a constant physical reminder (through periods and pmdd) of me being the wrong gender that i feel i should be, which causes a lot of anxiety and just a general feeling of being uncomfortable with my own body. So while i have pretty much always thought about transitioning to male, I want to finally begin down that path. I do not know very much about beginning this process, so if anyone could provide any advice it would be much appreciated.
I've already found a good therapist specializing in these issues, so I will start seeing her soon. I know that the majority of transitions involve hormone replacement therapy but I really would not like to go through with that step simply because I have had a tumultuous mental health history and would not like to risk any potential emotional changes. Mentally, I have reached a very good point in life and I have been feeling very stable for a while now. Also, I already pass pretty easily as a male based on my facial features and the way I dress. I would also not be interested in a mastectomy because i am completely flat-chested so that doesn't really bother me. So mainly I am interested in the surgical reassignment of my genitals from male to female since otherwise I can fairly easily pass as male.
My S.O. supports me 100% in this, but I worry about presenting it to my family. So again, if you have any advice for how to go about this please let me know. That's about it, I guess I am just wondering about the best way to go about this whole process and if the goals for my transition are feasible.
Thanks for reading.
