Not a super big problem, and what I try to say about Transsexual Therapy so often. The effect of Gid on our reactions and the reactions of people in our environment towards us because of it does a pretty messy job of defining our relationship to the world. there is so much that needs treatment because of this and to attempt such a dramatic change in the sense of gender under such circumstances as can be present in this regard can and often will be dangerous, not only to you but to people you deal with.
Don't look at this as a set back. To much concern is directed towards finally growing breasts and such and the need for a full journey into why we are as we are in many mental senses is lost in the confusion of it all.
You can look at it this way, in studying "tyrannical superego before we can work on the TS diagnosis" actually is a step in TS diagnoses. I feel so sad for those who can not accept not being instantly recognized and perscribed to who keep switching therapysts trying to get one who will provide instant agreement and a script for hormones. They are simply fighting against themselves simply because they are not willing to cover the needed ground to fullfil thier desires.
Yes it is rough to have to put off the initial drive into hormones and all the expected development of it, but remember, the transition of mind and relation to experience is the major part of any transition and if you do exibit a superego problem, it will be enhanced during transition and may make you yourself your worst enemy.
I know that everything within Therapy went very well and quickly with myself, but I was able to keep much or all of aspects of my former carreer and it's effects on my away from the therapysts. They saw a lot more of it then I realized though and gradually, after I myself began to realize I needed help with some of it, they began to work on those aspects and are gradually helping me to become more at ease with things I was involved in that I was never psychologically suited to have been a part of and I am a much more peaceful and happier person now at this time.
You are going to have to address a lot of problems in yourself that you may not even be aware of other then some wonders and doubts about what some friends have told you about yourself and it is far better to do it before having to face things you have no real idea about at this time.
All I'm saying Hazumu is don't consider it a holding pattern, but rather simply a part of the therapy process. It doesn't necessarily effect the final diagnoses, it simply addresses some of the things associated with your life and your feelings about it. And trust me. If there was ever a person with Super Ego, it was me. I know fully to well what such a mind set can get you into simply because of believing you can always win any and all battles or problems on your own terms.
Part of any legitimate therapy process of GID individuals is deep Psychoanalysis which can be very troublesome at times because it brings up things in your past which terrified and repelled you to the extent of your being, but you would niever admitt to or talk about with anyone.
Do not referr to yourself as in limbo or in any kind of holding pattern, You are simply going through a most valuable part of the therapy process of treating the GID problem. As for myself, I only wish I hadn't been so good at hiding some very brutal circumstances that have always taken up to much of my concious and inner counctiousr thoughts and made me everything I was trying to leave behind during transition, but I am facing those conditions now in therapy and although much of it makes me afraid as working with it means a part of me in my mind will effectively have to die and be done with, but I welcome the difference in how I feel about life and people because of it.
You haven't been around here long enough to notice I make a lot of referrence about only actually truely beginning to transition after so many years of living full time and hormonially developing. It is this type of therapy which has made that happen and I don't think It would have happened as it has if it were not being theraputically worked with in my best interest. Always and forever keep in mind that it is the mind more then the body which makes you the woman you want to be.
Again, you are not in any kind of holding pattern, you will simply be dealing with things that are necessary to any "True" transition. Be patient with it all, continue to persue the relevant issues of making the change in life possible once you are ready for RLT and be happy you are getting the treatment you need to make it all pass as easily and effectively as possible.
Talk to you in person about this after electro. It's an important aspect and you must accept it and not see any doubt or discouragement about it.
Terri
