How did you feel?

[Bobbie]

I haven't actually started transitioning yet. I'm still very much in the 'getting my mind and body right' stage before I do anything, so I still have a mountain of questions that I need answering.
One thing that came to mind was..Once you have transitioned, or are a good long way towards your goal, how do you feel about the man you have left behind?
I realize that you still have the same body in all but shape and form, but effectively the male that was you has gone forever, and has been replaced by the new female you that
stares back every time you look in the mirror.
Does everyone feel satisfied and happy once you get there, or is there ever a period of regret, or even mourning in knowing that you can never go back? 
I know that asking this goes totally against the idea of transitioning, in that you wouldn't have done it in the first place if you had any doubts.
Its really just to clear my mind of any uncertainties before I start.

Thanks 

Bobbie xx

[Bobbie]

You got it Kiera!

Sorry. I'm still new at this so scuse if I ramble a on bit...(note to self - stop rambling on...slaps wrist)... lol

[Kate]

Does everyone feel satisfied and happy once you get there, or is there ever a period of regret, or even mourning in knowing that you can never go back? 

That's a great question, though it's very difficult to put into words how I feel now...

I have absolutely NO regrets whatsoever. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. And that's not a blind, self-deluding proclamation... I mean I KNOW it had to be this way and is the "right" thing to do.

STILL though, in some weird way I feel bad for "him," that role, that life I left behind. There are many days I just sit there and cry, mourning what I've lost, the path that I've abandoned. That doesn't mean I miss it, or even want it, but...

Think of it this way: ever get a great new car to replace the clunker you've been driving around in for years and years? I mean, you LOVE the new car, you're excited as can be, you know you needed to get it... but still, you have soooo much time and so many memories invested in that old clunker, it's sad to see it go.

Know what I mean?

But otherwise, I can't even begin to describe how content I am now, since transitioning, now that everything is finally settling into place. I didn't know life could be this joyful, this colourful. Don't get me wrong, I still have bills to pay, annoying phone calls, friends who always seem to be mad at something... all the day-to-day problems that make life sweet, lol. But somehow it's FUN to have them now, it's just part of life, MY life.. where before it was like watching everything from the outside. Now I'm finally IN the world, a participant, tasting and loving everything that comes my way

~Kate~

[Bobbie]

I have absolutely NO regrets whatsoever. I've never been more sure about anything in my life.

Thanks Kate

Thats exactly what I was hoping someone would say.
I really want to do this more than anything and always have.
I just need a little reassurance to get rid of any fears lurking in the back of my mind.
I honestly can't wait to trade in this worn out old clunker for a new model.
I know it's too late to expect a Ferrari,  but a shiny compact will do me just fine 

Bobbie XX

[Kate]

I just need a little reassurance to get rid of any fears lurking in the back of my mind.

I always like to isolate and pinpoint my doubts... what is it exactly you fear?

Do you fear a transition won't "work," and you don't really be able to live as a female, accepted as such in society?

Or do you fear you'll regret living as a female, and miss being a man?

Ask yourself: if you could swallow a magic pill right now, and POOF! You'd instantly become the genetic woman you would have been, had your chromosomes been xx... and no one would remember you ever being a male... would you do it? Would you hesitate? If so... why?

No need to answer here unless you want to, but sometimes I think people confuse their fears of *transition* (it's effectiveness, losses which might happen, etc.) with fears or doubts of whether they want to be female or not.

~Kate~

[Bobbie]

Kate
I can honestly say , I don't know what I fear. Throughout my life whenever something decisive has come along I've always hesitated and questioned what I am about to do. Even if it is something I've longed for and have totally reassured myself in every way, I still seem to be able to find last minute doubts. When I actually get there, and I am doing what I set out to do, I can never understand why I acted that way. Even when joining this site I had to question myself.

I know in my heart a transition would work. I would only be changing my appearance, because in my mind I'm already there and always have been.
I've read that some people when living as a male feel their feminine side come and go over the weeks or even years, but for me it has always been there for every minute of every day of my life, and the older I get, the stronger it gets. I may not outwardly exhibit signs of being feminine in any way yet, but I can assure you she is there, desperate to get out.
I've been through all the usual denial like driving a tank in the French military, getting married (and divorced), having three wonderful children and working in a highly technical male orientated industry, but have never for a moment rid myself of the feeling that its all wrong...'this isn't me!'

Its strange you should ask me about a happy pill. Two days ago I wrote the text for a video I intend posting on Youtube which poses almost that exact question.
This is a shortened version.

"If you could give up the life you have lead....never to have existed....wiped from the face of the earth.....in exchange for being... the real you...for just one day....24 short hours... would you?
Not rich...not famous....just you...a face in the crowd."

I know what my answer would be without hesitation this time.......YES!

Bobbie XX

[Jessie_Heart]

Kate
I can honestly say , I don't know what I fear. Throughout my life whenever something decisive has come along I've always hesitated and questioned what I am about to do. Even if it is something I've longed for and have totally reassured myself in every way, I still seem to be able to find last minute doubts. When I actually get there, and I am doing what I set out to do, I can never understand why I acted that way. Even when joining this site I had to question myself.

I know in my heart a transition would work. I would only be changing my appearance, because in my mind I'm already there and always have been.
I've read that some people when living as a male feel their feminine side come and go over the weeks or even years, but for me it has always been there for every minute of every day of my life, and the older I get, the stronger it gets. I may not outwardly exhibit signs of being feminine in any way yet, but I can assure you she is there, desperate to get out.
I've been through all the usual denial like driving a tank in the French military, getting married (and divorced), having three wonderful children and working in a highly technical male orientated industry, but have never for a moment rid myself of the feeling that its all wrong...'this isn't me!'

Its strange you should ask me about a happy pill. Two days ago I wrote the text for a video I intend posting on Youtube which poses almost that exact question.
This is a shortened version.

"If you could give up the life you have lead....never to have existed....wiped from the face of the earth.....in exchange for being... the real you...for just one day....24 short hours... would you?
Not rich...not famous....just you...a face in the crowd."

I know what my answer would be without hesitation this time.......YES!

Bobbie XX

to me it sounds as if you know exactly who you are and what you need. you sound like a very careful person who examines everything before acting (trust me I know how that is!) which is a good thing (if it doesn't drive us completely nuts!). fears and doubts are natural if you didn't examine your fears you would rush  headlong into things and with important life problems that can be very dangerous. what it sounds like to me though is you know that there is no choice for your wellbeing you are just trying to navigate the route on the only road you can really travel! good luck!!

[cindybc]

"If you could give up the life you have lead....never to have existed....wiped from the face of the earth.....in exchange for being... the real you...for just one day....24 short hours... would you?
Not rich...not famous....just you...a face in the crowd."

I went through that experience except my meeting and knowing the inner self was through a vision. I guess I can call that my wake up call, one that was like a starbusrt, with every emotion and feeling a human can possibly have.

I have been 7 years full time and had the surgery 4 years ago, I never looked back. Even my past memories are being replaced by the person Cindy who I am now. I don't have pictures of my previous self and my memory of that person is vague at best.

Cindy