Came out to Mom

[Morgan-Kate]

I'm still a little shocked on how much I overthought it.  I feel like I did it way too soon, but I came out to my Mom tonight.  I wasn't ready to do it, but she cornered me.  It was the most we've talked in about a week, she was worried about how I'd been acting over the past several days.  We live together so I was unable to really hide my own emotions.  I tried to tell her that I'd had an epiphany recently and that, though it felt right, it scared me.  As the conversation continued, she then picked up her phone and said I needed help.  Apparently my explanation had led her to believe I'd developed mild schizophrenia.  That was when I just closed my eyes and said that this wasn't a mental condition, it was a "coming out thing".  I tried to avoid her probing but when she said that she'd accept me even if I were gay, stupid me just had to correct her.  I told her I wasn't gay and just about left the room.  She was quiet for a minute before asking if this was like my trans friend's situation.  I didn't expect to cry when I nodded.
I was really scared of her silence until she turned supportive.  At the same time, she tried to see if I actually was trans.  Considering how she's a nurse with a psychology minor, she really read into me before she looked all confused.  She then said that I'd never shown signs of Gender Dysphoria.  I tried to call her on that, but apparently all the memories I brought up had meant more to me than her.  Even my "funks" seemed normal to her, though I had to point out that they were large periods of denial and depression for me.  She just thought it was seasonal depression.
In terms of attitude, she was mostly neutral.  I think she believes she's calling a bluff, but at the same time she seemed eager to support me.  She pointed out that I can actually get a Gender Counselor through certain Employee Assistance Programs and then handed me a couple numbers to call in my step-dad's company (I'm still his dependent).  At first I thought she was trying to push things along, but she told me to just try to get to a normal state of mind so I can think more clearly (I really had trouble explaining things to her).  She also promised to keep this a secret from the rest of the family.
I can't believe I'd overthought this so much.  It probably would have gone smoother had it been more on my terms, but it went so much better than I'd thought it would... I'm still nervous though, because I'm not sure a part of her believes me.

[Daisy Jane]

I'm glad things went well for you so far! Telling parents can be an overwhelming experience. My dad is in denial, but he's not hostile. I'm sure he'll come around.

[Morgan-Kate]

I wish things stayed well between us.  She made it clear two days later that she was very doubtful I was transgender, all because "I never showed the signs".  Yet, as a nurse who's dealt with people from all walks of life, all backgrounds, orientations and identities, she should know that there aren't always blatant signs.  Mine were mostly internal and I often lied about and hid them when I'd become scared at the idea that I didn't know myself.  However, she's trying to understand, so I'm giving her some time.  I know I can't force acceptance, but I wish I could speed up the process a little.

[Daisy Jane]

My dad said something similar the second time I spoke to him. He's very opinionated and wants to debate everything. I just told him that I thought it was convenient that his preference lines up with what he believes to be true. He admitted that that's how he felt, but not out of disgust. He seemed more concerned about the difficulties it would bring.

The truth is, I feel I've gotten pretty good at hiding many of the signs when other people are around without even thinking about it. For example, the way I walk is much more effeminate when I'm alone.

[Morgan-Kate]

I generally hid the little things such as posture and small gestures. Though she wouldn't believe it, my mom was the one who taught me how to. I used to have a feminine sitting posture, but she'd "correct" it by telling me to loosen the crossing of my legs or bring my knees further apart. Broaden my shoulders, tuck in some fingers, all of these things she's told me to do. They all helped me to blend in more among the boys. I've gone back to crossing my legs and untucking those fingers, but she mainly ignores it.
Today, she seemed more open to the idea of me being a woman, but I'm going to wait to tell her I'm planning on HRT. Mainly because she has so much on her plate as is. I might re-come out (?) to her closer to Christmas. Is that a thing or would it just be clarifying what's already been said?

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