Hello everybody, most of the time I really suck at introducing myself, but I will give it a try. I'm a 17-(18 by next Sunday)-year-old girl (biologically speaking) from Austria so English is not my native language.
By now I'm not entirely sure what I am or what I would rather be. But I will try and describe my condition the best I can:
In some rather vague way I always knew that I liked girls too, but somehow it took me rather long (I was 15) to become conscious that *I* *like* *girls* means that, well, I like girls and that I am not heterosexual. I do like boys as well, but it's funny, I don't like them less, but I like far less of them.
I have to add that I myself never had any problems with my bisexuality. I might have fret now and then about family and friends and the society in general (and still do so sometimes) but that was all. One and a half year ago I told my best friend (a guy) about it and he has no problems whatsoever. A half year ago I told my mum, but I'm afraid she didn't really take me serious (She told me she had similar feelings in her youth and I think she thinks now I might be intimidated by men).
Well, maybe half a year ago I started to like the thought of wearing boys' clothes. Now, looking back, I really cannot remember how it started, but the more I thought about the whole issue the more things just fitted together just as they did when I finally comprehended that I am bisexual.
Looking farther back I never thought of myself as a girl. When I think about it I even know why I had no gender related problems during my childhood: My mother raised me and my younger brother single-handedly and she always treated us equally. We were never told stuff like "boys don't cry" or "girls don't get dirty". I liked role playing games and my mother didn't care if I was Peter Pan or Heidi or Robin Hood.
To make it short: My mother never demanded that I behave like a "girl" and therefore, I had no reason to question my gender for a long time. But now, quite suddenly, I practically cringe whenever somebody treads me like a girl (I don't mean in any patronizing sort of way, I always cringed at *that*).
Another problem is that I have no real idea what it means "to feel like a woman (or a man)". I can not imaging what that would feel like. That iffs me a little since how can I know that I don't feel something when I have know idea what that would be...
I'm not really sure what exactly I am. At the moment I don't really think that I am a transsexual, rather androgynous I suppose, but I really don't know. I always loved to read about relationships between men (not just sexually, I mean, especially not when I was younger). Now years later I understand that the main reason why I loved The Lord Of The Rings so much was the beautiful relationship between Frodo and Sam. By now I own a vast amount of gay fiction.
Sometimes I think my ideal relationship (or my ideal of sex for that matter) would be me as male with a male partner.
I'm afraid my "little introduction" became a little long. But I don't think I could have done any shorter. I myself just *feel* complicated at the moment...
Well, anyway, I'm glad I've found this forum maybe two or three days ago and hope to meet a lot of nice people here who have similar experiences.
Incubi
