hey guys! i'm Fifer, i'm 19 and i think i'm gonna come out soon.
i've been struggling with my gender for years; i started wondering if i might be trans when i first heard the word at age 13, and i started trying to pin down what my actual gender was when i was 15. i went in and out of denial a few times during high school, but for the past year or so i've known that i'm not a girl. i've been identifying as agender for a while, but i've been thinking about it lately and i think i might actually be ftm.
i don't really understand what it means to "feel" like a certain gender, it's not something that i've ever experienced, but i know that the physical body i feel i'm supposed to have is closer to male than anything and i realized a little while ago that i actually kind of like the idea of using he/him pronouns, being called "sir" and "mister," my girlfriend calling me her boyfriend, all that stuff. so now i'm wondering if i'm just a somewhat gender-nonconforming dude. i used to have some social issues that put me off of labeling myself a "man" or anything like that (i think it was mostly because i had negative experiences with male friends hitting on me in middle school and it really weirded me out at the time, i've been a little wary of cis men ever since tbh) but i think i'm starting to get over it and now the label "ftm" might be right for me. i haven't entirely decided yet, i'm still sort of processing everything.
i sort of accidentally came out to my girlfriend as agender lol she saw a page about transitioning and changing your name on my phone screen...whoops. but she was totally fine with it so that's awesome
i might have to re-come out to her as ftm now, but i'm not too worried about it. she's the only one who knows about my gender. we plan to move away to the state that she's from this fall, and by the time we get there i want to be out to everyone so i can live authentically as the person i truly am and maybe start seeing a gender therapist so i can start hormones and plan for top surgery. she'll probably tell everyone there what's happening, but this means i have to come out to my family and that's pretty nerve-wracking :/ i have no idea how they'll take it, i don't think they really understand what being transgender is and i've heard some of them say some pretty transphobic things before. yikes. but i'm hoping it'll go well! for now i plan to put it off until shortly before i leave the state, i want to have an out if it doesn't turn out how i want it to honestly.
so yeah! that's me. aside from all that, i'm panromantic graysexual and i like art, writing, and animals (i'm a vegetarian). i'd love to meet some new people who are going through the same thing as i am and maybe make a few friends while i'm here
