I need help :(

[acidt0ngue]

Hi guys and gals, I'm just looking for advice.
A bit of background - I'm 15, ftm, autistic and I go to a boarding school. I'm really enjoying it; I have my own room and a private shower so it's about as comfortable as I can be in terms of gender stuff.
Anyway, I came out as trans this week to someone in a position of trust at school. This is someone I get along with really well, and they were supportive of me in my decision to transition at school.
However, I've been feeling kinda awful about a passing comment in a conversation I had with this person.
The conversation kind of went like this:

Person: Okay, how do you want to be identified at school? I want to support you.
Me: Male pronouns, and just generally treat me like any other boy.
Person: Okay. So you're a boy as far as we're concerned.
Me: Yeah, I'm a boy.
Person: So hopefully in the future you plan to have male sexual organs?
Me: That's a bit intrusive, can I not answer that?

The person apologised and went on with asking general questions about my pronouns and how to support me at school, but ever since then I can't stop thinking about the inappropriate comment... I feel so awful and uncomfortable. Am I overreacting? And if not, what should I do?

For clarity, this person is not a doctor, and is around 30 years older than me.

I feel so uncomfortable, please help.

Sent from my SM-T555 using Tapatalk

[Laura_7]

Here are a few resouces that might help explain:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638

I'd say don't overinterpret and try to relax.

Often cis people are not very aquainted with the subject and immediately suppose all kinds of surgeries are desired.
And it seems for many cis people completely normal to ask
But its an intrusive question.
People usually do not ask about all kinds of surgeries concerning other subjects.

And transgender people are different . Not all want surgeries, and it can take time to contemplate.
So your answer was completely ok.

She is supportive so that is really good
You might show the NHS brochure from the link above, if you think it would help.


*hugs*

[Jacqueline]

That must have been very awkward.

I think Laura_7 has passed along some good advice.

I don't really know you or this person. Is it possible they were trying to see how far ahead you had thought this through?(maybe they thought they were helping-mistakenly). Some people don't think how what they say effects someone. They see you are brave enough to state you prefer male pronouns so that is their next logical conclusion.

Easy for me to say but like Laura, try to forget the comment and focus on the help they are extending?

Hope it gets easier.

With warmth,

Joanna

[suzifrommd]

For a lot of people, sex=genitals. They haven't done the cognitive work yet to separate the two. For folks like that, asking about surgery is almost automatic for them. The same way someone who had never heard of air travel might ask "how long did it take to drive there?" when hearing you visited a distant city.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this.

[Ms Grace]

I can guarantee you that is the number one question the majority of cis people are wanting to know when they find out someone is trans. Don't know why, just is. Plenty of people wouldn't ask, but a lot do, not necessarily from any ill intent or for creepy reasons, they just don't realise it's not that appropriate. Chances are the person you are talking about was just trying to understand what you were going through, they may even feel upset that they upset you. Notice that when you indicated you didn't want to talk about it they dropped the subject. A creepy or disrespectful person wouldn't do that.

[Vanessa_Glidewell]

Ya questions like that shouldn't be asked. No one would ask a cisgender person about their body like that. I can understand the awkwardness but it takes time

[stephaniec]

The person was up front about wanting to help. Yes it's a personal question and probably one you expect from a doctor , but I don't think you should make a big deal about it unless you told that person not to go there and they continued to ask those questions. Realistically we're a new frontier and awkwardness abounds on both sides of the equation. I don't know your relationship with  this person , but you seemed to have approached them as a possible mentor which entails trust. I'd only question whether boundaries were crossed once boundaries were established. Yea , maybe not the best move on that persons part , but it just could be unintentional given the subject matter and the lack of training within the educational system on how to approach the subject. I would just be more concerned about boundrary crossing once established.

[Bimmer Guy]

Ya questions like that shouldn't be asked. No one would ask a cisgender person about their body like that. I can understand the awkwardness but it takes time

acidt0ngue
Exactly, this question should not have been asked.  It was asked out of curiousity, which has nothing to do with supporting you at school.  The question was about the person's own interest, and there job is to look out for YOUR interest, only  They shouldn't have asked you about your genitals.  It was completely inappropriate and they would get in trouble for asking a cis youth about their genitals and would never consider doing so.  It made you uncomfortable because it was inappropriate.  Your gut was correct.  No one should ask anyone about their genitals.  I am sorry this happened to you, and I think it is great that you feel strong enough in yourself as a person that you didn't feel that you had to answer.  Many people think that they have to answer any question an authority figure may ask, especially if they are a child.  Good job!

[objectionyourhonour]

Totally inappropriate question, I'm sorry you had to deal with something like that, particularly just after coming out. As other people on here have said though, it's just normal cis nosiness and nothing against you personally, so try not to overthink it or get worried about it. Your reply as you described it seemed very mature and sensible, just carry on and it will get easier. Good luck!