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Job interview fears... what to do?

Started by 2cherry, June 14, 2016, 07:17:58 AM

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2cherry

I still have this fear for going to job interviews, even after GRS and living as female for years. It hinders me so much that it becomes problematic. When I ask  cis-woman, they give me different advice. Some say: why tell? others say: you should tell. So this is clearly not helping me.

Why should this be an issue at all? but then again, I am fearful of another rejection. This is a really difficult problem for me, and I have not found a solution. Tell, or not to tell? no matter whether you pass or not.

What to do? any advice?


1977: Born.
2009: HRT
2012: RLE
2014: SRS
2016: FFS
2017: rejoicing

focus on the positive, focus on solutions.
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Cindy

Cherry,

I have interviewed hundreds of people from Dept Heads to lab techs.

I have never been interested in their gender or sexuality, religion or race.

I want someone who can do the job.

Are YOU frightened that you cannot do the job?

Why and deal with it.

If you are going for Head of Apple is your gender an issue? No. So why head of a cleaning a rats bum service should you have fear?

Mmm interesting job, might be a new career path.

You are a woman. About time you got use to it!

With love and go get that job!!!
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Ms Grace

I found that I was much more myself, friendlier and more engaged during my job interviews a year ago. I felt like I was able to sell myself and my skills and experience in a really positive and genuine way. I never told them I was trans.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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2cherry

I think it comes from this desperate hope and desire for passability, while I know I'm not 100%.

Sometimes I think it's impossible to pass... after all, eventually I like to share who I am, it's a human need to share who you are?


1977: Born.
2009: HRT
2012: RLE
2014: SRS
2016: FFS
2017: rejoicing

focus on the positive, focus on solutions.
  •  

2cherry

Here is one experience I've had:

I told beforehand, that I was T. When I had the interview, a woman asked me: why did you tell beforehand? I told her that it would spare me any kind of possible ridicule, staring or laughter. Because that is what is common to me. She then said: You look very feminine. However, (and this is the kicker) you may want to say something to colleagues or else they might gossip...

See.. this is the thing I don't get. First she said I look female, and why did you tell us beforehand. Then she says I should tel all my new colleagues.  :-\

it's maddening... and I don't know which way to go anymore.


1977: Born.
2009: HRT
2012: RLE
2014: SRS
2016: FFS
2017: rejoicing

focus on the positive, focus on solutions.
  •  

Ms Grace

Quote from: 2cherry on June 14, 2016, 07:56:18 AM
...I like to share who I am...

There's sharing and there's over sharing. No need to spill all the beans at the first sitting. As Cindy says, your ability to do the job trumps those other considerations. By being the best person you can be at the interview you are sharing who you are. If passing is an issue just do what I did, go in there presuming you don't and don't give a damn anyway. :)
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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FTMax

Is being transgender something that will have any kind of impact on your ability to perform the position you are interviewing for?

For 99% of people, the answer is no. I would not bring it up. But I would ask questions of the interviewer to determine what kind of workplace culture exists to ensure that it is an organization and group of people you would feel comfortable working for and with.
T: 12/5/2014 | Top: 4/21/2015 | Hysto: 2/6/2016 | Meta: 3/21/2017

I don't come here anymore, so if you need to get in touch send an email: maxdoeswork AT protonmail.com
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2cherry

Quote from: FTMax on June 14, 2016, 08:06:35 AM
Is being transgender something that will have any kind of impact on your ability to perform the position you are interviewing for?

For 99% of people, the answer is no. I would not bring it up. But I would ask questions of the interviewer to determine what kind of workplace culture exists to ensure that it is an organization and group of people you would feel comfortable working for and with.

I think it is for me... my dysphoria gets worse when people either know or suspect... I can't be bothered with it, because it makes me depressed and suicidal. But I also have anxiety and borderline disorder, so it's problematic to deal with that on top of the T issues we face.


1977: Born.
2009: HRT
2012: RLE
2014: SRS
2016: FFS
2017: rejoicing

focus on the positive, focus on solutions.
  •  

FTMax

I think you've just answered your question then. If it would bother you that people may know or suspect, then you really shouldn't bring it up in an interview.

I will say from an employer stand point - I interview people regularly for positions in my company, and I look favorably on people who inquire about employee benefits (insurance, vacation time, employee assistance) and who ask me directly if we are an LGBTQ friendly company. I would be very uncomfortable if someone brought up medical stuff in an interview.

I'd say leave it out during the interview entirely, and when you get the job, go speak to HR privately about it. That way you have someone who knows who can advocate for you and take care of your needs if anything comes up.
T: 12/5/2014 | Top: 4/21/2015 | Hysto: 2/6/2016 | Meta: 3/21/2017

I don't come here anymore, so if you need to get in touch send an email: maxdoeswork AT protonmail.com
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RobynD

Do you have the type of skills/resources that you could freelance or be self-employed? That might be the ticket.

As someone that interviews people occasionally as well, i also would consider a question about LGBT friendly to be a positive.

Robyn


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JLT1

What does your drivers license, birth certificate and relevant work history say?  If they are clean, don't worry about it.

If they are different, change them or telltale prospective employer that you are trans and you say this because some documentation/history is inconsistent.  Nothing more than that. Streight forward and professional.  Then leave the topic alone.

Goodluck.

Jen

To move forward is to leave behind that which has become dear. It is a call into the wild, into becoming someone currently unknown to us. For most, it is a call too frightening and too challenging to heed. For some, it is a call to be more than we were capable of being, both now and in the future.
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2cherry

Quote from: JLT1 on June 14, 2016, 03:12:37 PM
What does your drivers license, birth certificate and relevant work history say?  If they are clean, don't worry about it.

If they are different, change them or telltale prospective employer that you are trans and you say this because some documentation/history is inconsistent.  Nothing more than that. Streight forward and professional.  Then leave the topic alone.

Goodluck.

Jen

Wow... I haven't thought about that...  :D super idea!


1977: Born.
2009: HRT
2012: RLE
2014: SRS
2016: FFS
2017: rejoicing

focus on the positive, focus on solutions.
  •  

Kylo

I wouldn't tell them at interview stages or even any other stage if I could avoid it. If you had to tell them, I'd wait till you'd been there a while and made a good impression first.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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BrittanyNicole

As a former hiring manager I can honestly tell you that gender is never an issue and should not even be a focus on the interview. Many hiring managers are only interested to know if you can do the job only, when I interviewed candidates I never asked about their gender or any other personal information so don't stress out about it. If your state ID and SSN identify you as a female than you have nothing to worry about, you may choose to make the option "I don't wish to disclose" and if you asked about the selection you are not required to explain anything to the manager and it cannot be held against you.

Just fill out the application and when you are called for an interview, go into the business with your head up high and your confidence flying out of your body that you are the right candidate for the job and you will be fine. You have nothing to worry about.
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JoanneB

About the only time your "Official" T status may come up is during any pre-employment background check. Typically you are handed a stack of papers which has the infamous "Names or aliases used...." question. A legal name change is a matter of public record. In this day and age difficult if not impossible to hide. Depending on your official gender status there may be an issue with health insurance spotting a mismatch.

And..... It is pretty much boiler plate for any 'Reasonably' sized company in most areas (except maybe North Carolina) to have "Gender Identity and Presentation" in a corporate non-discrimination and harassement policies. (Somehow, it seems OK for the company to have a Trans-Exclusion in the health insurance plan! My HR department is working on that)

Bottom Line - No reason to fess up especially during the interview stage. Employment criminal background checks tend to say you are a no-good-nick or not. Or, there were discrepencies. HR may need to know for certain things but they also tend to be discrete professionals in any company over 20 people. And then there is the rumor mill. Which is why you may feel, and was suggested, to get out in front of it. Remember, in this day and age there is no thing as 100% deep stealth unless you are a '00-' spy.
.          (Pile Driver)  
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(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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tgchar21

Quote from: JoanneB on June 21, 2016, 07:58:23 AM
About the only time your "Official" T status may come up is during any pre-employment background check. Typically you are handed a stack of papers which has the infamous "Names or aliases used...." question. A legal name change is a matter of public record. In this day and age difficult if not impossible to hide. Depending on your official gender status there may be an issue with health insurance spotting a mismatch.

Alternately, if it is unlikely they need to know your former name as a practical matter (e.g. you transitioned before adulthood or more than a decade or so ago, all of your recent work history and degrees are under your current name, and you have no criminal history from before your name change), you can ask HR beforehand if you even need to disclose the name under such circumstances. (They generally don't care about names that were changed before adulthood, and sometimes there is a "statute of limitations" that isn't expressly specified on the form.) What I said won't probably be of use though if you transitioned within the past few years as an adult, or they need to know as a practical matter to verify your credentials, in which case you would most likely need to disclose the name if you want to avoid problems with the background check.

Or, see if you can provide the name straight to the background check company (if done by a third party) rather than on the form that passes through the one making the hiring decision. (I recall a member on here who tried that and worked, but perhaps at the expense of slowing the check down if you want it done quickly. She put down something like "available to authorized investigator only" - the investigator contacted her about it and was handled discreetly.)

(From my research employers are not supposed to ask for a former name merely for the sake of knowing it, but if they need to know it for pragmatic purposes in order for a background or reference check to be successfully completed, then they can ask and you should disclose it - ideally from their perspective they should specify for what purposes they need to know on the form to avoid discrimination complaints. This precedent originally comes not from transgender people, but from immigrants who changed their names when moving to the U.S. whose name from the old country might lead to discrimination.)

Also, to JoanneB, some states no longer require transgender people to put a newspaper notice for their name changes.
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