I give up! I want to transfer!

[Andrew]

Since I've been at this school, I've received:

- One anonymous, harassing message via Facebook
- One incident of some random guy yelling "Fag!" at me as I walked past
- One malicious outing to a girlfriend
- Several people badmouthing me behind my back
- Dozens of inappropriate questions once people find out what I am

This is all I can think of offhand. I'm sure there are more. It may be one of the best schools in the country, but it's full of rich WASPs who make fun of my clothes (yes, I'm poor) and jocks who harass me because of what I am. I'm honestly thinking of transferring.

[Sarah Louise]

Sorry to hear that Andrew, people can be very mean sometimes.

Good luck.

Sarah L.

[Steph]

Since I've been at this school, I've received:

- One anonymous, harassing message via Facebook
- One incident of some random guy yelling "Fag!" at me as I walked past
- One malicious outing to a girlfriend
- Several people badmouthing me behind my back
- Dozens of inappropriate questions once people find out what I am

This is all I can think of offhand. I'm sure there are more. It may be one of the best schools in the country, but it's full of rich WASPs who make fun of my clothes (yes, I'm poor) and jocks who harass me because of what I am. I'm honestly thinking of transferring.

The problem is Andrew that there is no guarantee that a transfer will solve your problems.  Establishments can look very good from the outside, and it's only when you get to see what's on the inside do you realize the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Before making any decisions to transfer I would bring up your issues with the faculty staff, if for no other reason than to alert them to your situation.  You are entitled to an harassment free education, call them on it.  People can be cruel but the really sad part about it is that there is a good chance that you may be faced with this forever.  Just last week, due to an emergency, I was driving a school route and two of the high school children who know about me made some rather disparaging remarks in my direction ("So what are you, and IT").  A few of the students who were close by and heard, admonished them for it, however when I confronted them they of course denied that they were referring to me.

Yep it's something that we must expect, not that it's right, but there will always be some fool out there who needs to stroke their ego at the expense of others.  I know that's not very comforting but it's reality.

Steph

[Lori]

I agree with Steph. Running from the problem isnt going to fix it. You need to know how to handle that situation because you are going to face it all of your life, so you may as well get used to becoming and expert during Q&A. There are rude people regardless of your status and you will meet them throughout your entire life. They may not like the color of your car or how you mow your lawn, or whatever they decide to be jerks about, they exist and there is no escape from them.

Your attitude speaks a lot. More than you know right now. You need to thicken your skin and learn how to deal with confrontations without wanting to run away. There are ways to deal with bullies and by standing up to them when confronted head on is usually enough to get them to back off. Don't let your emotions show because they feed off of that. Try to ignore or avoid them all together. If they see what they are saying is getting to you, they will razz you forever. Just smile and keep on going...they will lose interest over time.

Going to another school is just going to bring the same problems. You need to fix the issue before you go if that is what you feel you must do.

[J.T.]

From personal experience i know that ignoring doesn't work.  I suggest you take it to the authority figures. 

[Omika]

We all need our defense mechanisms.

When I feel vulnerable, for example, I ring my eyes in dark makeup, put on black clothing, put in all my facial piercings and stare really hard at potential jerks.

Just like animals in the wild, we too must develop our "don't screw with me or you'll die" responses, even if it is just bluffing.

~ BB

[Pysgod]

We all need our defense mechanisms.

When I feel vulnerable, for example, I ring my eyes in dark makeup, put on black clothing, put in all my facial piercings and stare really hard at potential jerks.

Just like animals in the wild, we too must develop our "don't >-bleeped-< with me or you'll die" responses, even if it is just bluffing.

~ BB

Wow....you can be one scary lady.

[Omika]

We all need our defense mechanisms.

When I feel vulnerable, for example, I ring my eyes in dark makeup, put on black clothing, put in all my facial piercings and stare really hard at potential jerks.

Just like animals in the wild, we too must develop our "don't >-bleeped-< with me or you'll die" responses, even if it is just bluffing.

~ BB

Wow....you can be one scary lady.

That's the idea!  But really, I'm a big sweetheart beneath all the ice and blackness and metal.

Honest I am!

~ BB

[asiangurliee]

Consult counselors and therapists if the bullies are getting to you. Transferring to another school might not solve the problems. I changed highschool many times, but it's the same kind of people who does the bullying. I wish I have seen a therapist sooner and I was prescribed with some pills, because i literally got anxiety attacks and I could never get over it even now.

[Pysgod]

We all need our defense mechanisms.

When I feel vulnerable, for example, I ring my eyes in dark makeup, put on black clothing, put in all my facial piercings and stare really hard at potential jerks.

Just like animals in the wild, we too must develop our "don't >-bleeped-< with me or you'll die" responses, even if it is just bluffing.

~ BB

Wow....you can be one scary lady.

That's the idea!  But really, I'm a big sweetheart beneath all the ice and blackness and metal.

Honest I am!

~ BB

LOL......so your really a soft hearted woman that tries to look mean.

[Omika]

We all need our defense mechanisms.

When I feel vulnerable, for example, I ring my eyes in dark makeup, put on black clothing, put in all my facial piercings and stare really hard at potential jerks.

Just like animals in the wild, we too must develop our "don't >-bleeped-< with me or you'll die" responses, even if it is just bluffing.

~ BB

Wow....you can be one scary lady.

That's the idea!  But really, I'm a big sweetheart beneath all the ice and blackness and metal.

Honest I am!

~ BB

LOL......so your really a soft hearted woman that tries to look mean.

Oh, I don't try.  I do look mean, and I'm an icy beotch to boot, so most people really just don't like me at first.  They're usually idiots anyways, so it saves me time.

But yes, I'm a sugar-dumpling beneath it all. 

~ BB

[Pysgod]

There's always a way to an icy woman's heart.

[Andrew]

The main problem here is that too many people know about it. I wish I could just start over in stealth. Also, at another school, people might be more accepting. Different schools have different environments, and this one just happens to have a really un-gay-friendly feel to it.

[Omika]

I recommend transferring.  It's what I'm doing next semester.  Going to a different community college in my city, then next year, I'm going to a different city and university.  I plan on being full-time (I'm part-time now) in January, just in time to start over with a clean slate and a name change.

It is going to be sweet.  You should consider something similar, I think.  Sounds very un-fun.

~ BB

[Andrew]

Cool. I want to go to UCLA, which is where I should have gone in the first place. Great weather, great Slavic Languages program, better environment in general.

[Omika]

Hit it, yo. 

~ BB

[Wing Walker]

Hi, Andrew,

After reading all of this thread, I recommend transferring to UCLA, if that is where you believe that you would do better.  Hostile environments can drain you.

When you are requesting your transfer it might be useful to the school you're leaving to know why you're leaving, and I would spare no details, everything on the table. 

Slavic languages are not offered in many schools and might be useful in some of the former Soviet republics.

Please keep us posted with your progress.

Bidding you well,

Wing Walker
Night School Grad

[Andrew]

Great advice, WW -- especially about telling the school why I'm transferring. I don't want it to be like this for everyone. If I do decide to transfer, I want them to learn from it and make an effort to be more accomodating to gay and trans students. I've heard the same sort of thing from other gay (and one trans) students. It's the 20th century. They need to change.

[Nero]

Since I've been at this school, I've received:

- One anonymous, harassing message via Facebook
- One incident of some random guy yelling "Fag!" at me as I walked past
- One malicious outing to a girlfriend
- Several people badmouthing me behind my back
- Dozens of inappropriate questions once people find out what I am

This is all I can think of offhand. I'm sure there are more. It may be one of the best schools in the country, but it's full of rich WASPs who make fun of my clothes (yes, I'm poor) and jocks who harass me because of what I am. I'm honestly thinking of transferring.

You really need to learn how to handle yourself, man. I was in and out of snobby private schools my whole childhood. Throw your weight around for chrissake!