On August 15, 2016 I will be starting hormone replacement therapy thus igniting the beginning of my transgender experience. I am a mixture of terrified and excited, I also have a chunk of apathy thrown in there as I feel like this isn't really happening.
I had hoped several things would have been achieved before I began this transition. I had hoped I would get a job as a 911 Dispatcher which was my main goal this year. I had thought I would move away from home. Hell, I even thought I would be moving to California.
But life always throws you a curve ball. And for me, curve balls is the theme of my life. Nothing ever goes the way I intend for it to go, and I don't mean that in an angst-y way. But it's true. This year alone I've lost a loved one, been hit by a car, had three cases of the flu, had sepsis with organ failure, worked and quit three different jobs, failed an exam for my ideal job, and I am currently 20something, stuck at home, with no money or little to anything else with a bare clinging to my sanity.
And on top of that. I am about to begin transitioning.
It had been something I was very careful about at first. I had originally planned to begin my transition to female in March when I moved back to North Carolina. But things got wonky and curve balls were thrown and it did not work out. And so I had told myself I would hold off on transitioning until I was moved out in my own place where I felt safe to be myself. It's not that I fear my family's denial. It's more than that. I just feel so much better being in my own space.
But alas, as anyone with gender identity disorder can tell you, holding off is an ordeal. It began to get to a point where I had to choose to hold off and suffer or transition and face the uncomfortableness and vulnerability that came with it. I wanted to choose the suffering, but it was too much. I had to transition, it could no longer wait. I had to do it now.
And so on August 15, 2016 I will be going to Planned Parenthood right down the road with nothing but myself and my insurance card. And I will begin hormone replacement therapy via informed consent policy.
I don't know what happens once I walk out of that building with my prescription in tow.
But I'm already on my way....
And I hope the ride is better.
