Greetings Sailorscout,
First off, welcome to Susan's Place and congratulations for finding the courage to explore your scary yet terrifyingly exciting new experiences.
Too late, not at all. I began this exploration a year and a half ago when I was only 67 years old. It would have been a lot different had I begun at the age of you kids (lol) but I have also enjoyed putting in all of the miles that the extra years have provided and yet am very happy with finding Anne when I did. No regrets.
Where to start: For Anne, it has been developing both the inside as well as the outside. She literally did not exist prior to the beginning of last year.
For the inside, Joanna suggested a therapist and a local support group. This is where I started and it has really helped. Susan's Place is a great source of information, life stories, advice, support and encouragement and it has helped me out a lot. But I can not stress enough how important it is to have a local group of folks to share your new adventures with.
My therapist did not act as a gate keeper. She met with both my wife and me to make sure that we were aware of the significance and difficulties of the road ahead. She got the right questions asked and made sure that our answers were real enough for us to be comfortable continuing the path. She was also a good source of contact for key resources including an OBGYN that had a lot of experience with tg & hrt.
Finding a good support group has been extremely beneficial to me. I found a group in a local college community with both a wide range of ages as well as a diverse mix of LGBTQ experience. Some killed the look while other just killed the look. The diversity of the group is amazing and some of their stories continue to have me way out of my comfort zone. But, they all have stories, struggles fears and joys, the sum of which has helped Anne continue to grow.
You also mention a partner that you have been open with. My wife is my best friend in both my guy and gal mode. I can truthfully state that without her Anne would not exist.
There is one more key resource/support provider for me. Jesus has been crucial in Anne's development. I will neither preach nor evangelize here but I must say that trusting in Him to keep me on His path has given me the confidence to live this amazing life.
Now on to the outside of Anne. My wife has been instrumental in helping me develop my own style, both in wardrobe and makeup. She did my makeup until I learned enough to take it over myself. Joanna suggested a larger department store makeup counter and I think that is a great idea. I got my first make-over at Sephora's, it was a little smaller and I could handle the exposure there better, but each to their own. I needed help in the hair department. Some friends suggested a couple of tg friendly wig shops and they both have helped me out. Coming out to them was still nerve wracking but well worth it. They were baby steps that provided both resources and confidence. Shopping was tough in the beginning, thrift stores or buying stuff at the mall in guy mode and then returning the stuff that didn't work. It was an amazing baby step when I first risked shopping as Anne (actually my wife made me do it, kicking and screaming). The first trip had Payless for shoes, Dress Barn and then Panera's for a bite to eat. This was my first time out and only my second time fully dressed and made up, talk about terrifying! I have been out shopping and playing many many times since and I can truthfully say I have never experienced any of the derision or rejection that my fears had me anticipating. I still occasionally get an unintentional gender pronoun error but have never been subjected to intentional ridicule. I may have a blessed life in this regard but it seems to be a common thread in most of my tg friends experiences also.
The next needed step for us was find out who Anne is. We began coming up with all sorts of low risk high reward baby step experiences. I have been surprised to find out how different Anne's interests are compared to my old mode. Low risk baby steps have included coffee shops and cafes, book shops, shopping trips (I love Maurices) and even the art museum. All of these have been great low risk confidence builders and the shopping is becoming addictive.
When we first started this journey we built a list of boundaries to keep us from falling off of the deep end, you probably know the sort of stuff; totally secret, just role playing sort of stuff, no body changes, etc.. Well, laser has come and gone, electrolysis has been going on for a while, hair replacement is in the works when the money is found. We have come out to a small group of close friends, our pastor and our youngest son. Not all of that has gone without cost. We still have some boundaries, the principal of which is that my wife needs to keep a part of the man she married and this I commit to without hesitation for she is the most important part of my life. Hrt began 7 weeks ago. Before Anne, I was a strong, caring, analytical man with both passion and an intense sense of curiosity/whimsy. The hrt has added a level of compassion and empathy beyond belief. And lets not even begin on the emotions. I have probably shed more tears in the last month than in the last half of a century! The emotions have been both joyful and painful and that said I highly recommend you notch down your take from this response a ways.
My path has been great so far and I really hope that you will be able tell a similar story as your path grows. Please keep us up on your progress through your amazing journey.
Anne
