So here is my introduction. I thought I have been away for 9 years, but in searching for traces of me being here before I see that I was part of the wiki staff in 2006 so that would be that my fateful night was December 31st 2005 when I stop going through the guns looking for the perfect one and found this web site.
Yes my life has changed in ways that I could never imagine that night. There has been some struggles. There has been some losses. It has been well over 9 years since I have had a thought of ending my life. The internal struggle is gone and I am at peace with myself.
July of 2007 I had SRS in Thailand. I am happy that I have done that. I got divorced and then Married again. Is it my third or the first marriage of Amber. I have a 29 year old son that up until a few weeks ago supported me in this journey. I have started a family again and have a 6 and 4 year old that call me mom. That is such a joy in my life. I have parent in laws that respect and appreciate me. My Parents have gone into witness protection so to speak and then come back into life.
I have started a business and I have found myself in places at times I never would of imagined. I have traveled to Utah and even spoke in public. I have found new friends and my life has been busy and productive.
A chance to reinvent myself. A metamorphic change that in a large part I have had some control over. At times I still struggle with misgendering by people. At times I find myself hyper vigilant in being aware of my surroundings. But for the most part I am respected in my small community. There maybe challenges ahead as I start taking my kids to school but I know that I have a huge support network.
So here I find myself searching the web for answers again. My son whom was supportive has told me that I must hide a part of me to be in new grand daughters life. I am to be stripped of all titles. I am not his father. I am not her grandmother. I am just family. We are at odds right now as I have told him that there is no choice for me. I can not hide who I am or who I was. The one thing I have learned over the years is that I must be true to myself. To be put in a closet again would be damaging to my mental well being. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds
Amber