my giving nature has gone and done it again

[Veronica J]

hello,

my giving nature has done it again. sigh my nephew had a pc problem, so i took the big storage drives out and gave him my computer . good for him, but now i have no computer and wont for two months i also promised my sister i would upgrade her with my old bits when i upg, now i cant do that either, so now its two upgrades i got to pay for.

not to mention i feel bad spoiling one nephew and now feel compelled to spoil the others to similar value(so neither can brag or feel left out)so i guess i could give my ps4 away too and my dad and mom are retiring and hinted to me they have to give up pay tv but theirs cant watch netflix(mine can) soo i guess i will swap my 60inch samsung for theirs.

it would lots of people happy, me not soo much. but i guess i will hide it as usual.  trouble is what would i do with all my spare time?  (only free to air and my bluray collection which i have nearl seen twice in two months)i visit family often, no one bothers to visit me it also delays other things i need as well. i cant even finish my blog or watch the tutorials i need.

anyone else have their natures get in the way?


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[Veronica J]

no one? it makes happy to help in a way but in other not soo much. i have also commited to biy my parents second car. now i have wheels again which is a good thing. my dad has been the only owner.

just depressing i guess and the worse part is. i take hours out of time (public transport, before i owned a car again) to visit family.  sometimes i loose a whole day. and yet if i go absolutely silent for a couple of weeks not a peep out of them. not even hey u ok, nothing.

i would do anything for family, seems i am not missed soo much when i go silent. its sad really, ehile i understand they have their own families still a quick fb message isnt too much. ah well, be interesting what will happen when i tell them.


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[LizK]

no one? it makes happy to help in a way but in other not soo much. i have also commited to biy my parents second car. now i have wheels again which is a good thing. my dad has been the only owner.

just depressing i guess and the worse part is. i take hours out of time (public transport, before i owned a car again) to visit family.  sometimes i loose a whole day. and yet if i go absolutely silent for a couple of weeks not a peep out of them. not even hey u ok, nothing.

i would do anything for family, seems i am not missed soo much when i go silent. its sad really, ehile i understand they have their own families still a quick fb message isnt too much. ah well, be interesting what will happen when i tell them.


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Ok I am gonna say it... Sometimes families suck!!!! Families can be as toxic to you as any bigot and the worst thing is because they are family there is a certain amount of "history " so being nasty or saying "no" can be twice as difficult.

My suggestion is that you talk to them and tell the  nephews that right at the momentum you would love to be able to do what you promised however due to life circumstances you need them to be patient as you aren't able to give them $$ to fix their PC's.

I would be horrified as a parent to feel I was taking something from my children just so I could watch TV. It is not your fault your parents can not afford pay TV.

I think you are being harsh on yourself. Transition is a very expensive process and you don't need any hangers on. I hope you can work it out

Liz

[Michelle_P]

This sounds sort of familiar.  Some of us go through life for long stretches placing ourselves second to the needs or wants of others, giving and giving until we are psychically drained.

It ain't healthy.  I learned that the hard way.

Sometimes it's OK to say that, "No, I'm sorry, but I can't do that right now.  Other priorities have arisen that I need to address first."   And, it's OK if those other priorities are yourself.

Families and others can be demanding, to the point of draining our psychic (and financial!) resources dry if we let them.  We have to give ourselves priority at some points for our own sanity and survival.

[JoanneB]

This sounds sort of familiar.  Some of us go through life for long stretches placing ourselves second to the needs or wants of others, giving and giving until we are psychically drained.

It ain't healthy.  I learned that the hard way.

Sometimes it's OK to say that, "No, I'm sorry, but I can't do that right now.  Other priorities have arisen that I need to address first."   And, it's OK if those other priorities are yourself.

Families and others can be demanding, to the point of draining our psychic (and financial!) resources dry if we let them.  We have to give ourselves priority at some points for our own sanity and survival.

Funny thing about "Takers", when they find a "Giver" they latch on to them like a leach sucking the life blood out of them.

Another way of looking at is what I've noticed in life, especially in a work situation. People who actually get things done are the ones constantly dumped on and overloaded to get things done. The skaters always merrily skate the day away eventually maybe finishing something before it shifted over to "The Doer"

[Veronica J]

so true, but in a way feel it is my and my sisters fault they cant at the moment and my dads for buying the cheapest tv at the time. why is because we are the reason they immigrated from their country of birth to give us kids a chance and so gave up a healthy retirement fund. while intellectually i should not feel this way, my heart says otherwise. i cant help it and feel the need to help because i can. they dont know about the tv, i was gonna suprise them with the swap this weekend.

due to circumstances(my marriage ending) pushed my financially over the edge and i had to declare bankruptcy. so cant get credit for a car its one of the main factors i chose the car. my parents r letting me pay it off.

ur right about takers, family push all the right buttons and i have always been caviller about stuff i worked hard for in front of others. it still hurts tho, my parents r nearing their 70th year and well i was thinking of making life a bit better for them. i am still umming about it.

thanks for advice, its helped me put it in perspective and your right. will let u know how it goes.


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[LizK]

so true, but in a way feel it is my and my sisters fault they cant at the moment and my dads for buying the cheapest tv at the time. why is because we are the reason they immigrated from their country of birth to give us kids a chance and so gave up a healthy retirement fund. while intellectually i should not feel this way, my heart says otherwise. i cant help it and feel the need to help because i can. they dont know about the tv, i was gonna suprise them with the swap this weekend.

due to circumstances(my marriage ending) pushed my financially over the edge and i had to declare bankruptcy. so cant get credit for a car its one of the main factors i chose the car. my parents r letting me pay it off.

ur right about takers, family push all the right buttons and i have always been caviller about stuff i worked hard for in front of others. it still hurts tho, my parents r nearing their 70th year and well i was thinking of making life a bit better for them. i am still umming about it.

thanks for advice, its helped me put it in perspective and your right. will let u know how it goes.


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I left my country of birth to make a better life for myself and my children. I made the decision ....not my kids

It is ok to be angry about unreasonable things.

Liz 

[Veronica J]

so true liz, spoke to my parents tonight convinced them to get this good media box. feel better about it. i still want to help them tho, but i am still struggeling with were do i draw the line. i am still discovering who i am again and this has made me realise falling into old patterns is a bad idea.


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