I am in a confuse state right now. For all my adult life I been wanting a husband. And I had a boyfriend before, but it was someone that I couldn't really love back, but he was just a man to fill that void in my life. But looking back, it was more or less one of my happier years in life.
I am now in my mid 20s, and I want marriage more than I even want to transition. I feel like as a transgender woman it would be very difficult to find marriage, especially with my job (relocating every other year). And I am tired of singing Scarborough Fair every time I leave the city, He was once a true love of mine, and so I don't see myself transitioning anytime soon. That aside. I can ignore my desires to be a woman enough... but love/marriage is stronger than that.
Marriage is something I want. And I think I been holding back on it because I think I am not ready enough for it... but I also come to a realization I am not going to be any younger or as good looking, there's no point in holding off on it. It's not like I am going to have kids either, so waiting for the great job is futile. I also been waiting for real love to enter from just meeting him, but that's a fat chance of that happening because it hasn't happen yet.
So I think if I throw a lot of personal adds into the dating internet world, I'll find a man. I don't even want to think about how it will happen, but just let it be. I don't see any other way to solve this issue.
Do you deal with this as much as I do?
