SERIOUS Bottom Dysphoria - Advice Needed!

[Allie24]

I've been living full time for over a year now. Been on HRT since November 2015. For the most part have been able to keep my bottom dysphoria in check, but as of late it has become quite difficult.

I cannot bear to look or touch myself... down there. Besides when I'm in the shower, I pay little mind to what's between my legs. I like to pretend that it doesn't exist, because thinking about it at this time fills me with a crushing depression.

I've come so far and I pass so well and still I have to deal with my genitals.

And it makes sex quite difficult as well.

I am in a lesbian relationship with a cisgender woman. She is not attracted to penises but is able to tolerate mine since we don't have intercourse and I don't think it's that important that she reciprocate oral sex. Our relationship is very solid and committed and she cares very little about what I have down below because to her it's who I am as a person that matters more than what genitals I have.

Still, I wish I could be with her sexually as a female with a vagina. It's frustrating being pre-op. In a way I feel half-formed.

I also found out that a close friend of mine is having SRS this June, which has been pretty hard for me. I'm happy for her and I'm so glad that part of her journey is coming to a close. I just wish I could have that too. I'm not even sure if I want full SRS yet. Right now I think I might just want an orchiectomy and wait to see how I feel in a few years, since the cost is high and there are health risks to having the procedure...

I just wanted to ask any trans women out there what they do to cope with bottom dysphoria. Anyone who can't afford SRS or is also hesitant to get it but is detached from their genitalia? Do any trans lesbians have any recommendations in regards to what you can do in bed with a cis lesbian that aren't intercourse or oral sex?

Thank you everyone who's read this far! I hope to hear from you soon<3 ~Allie

[HappyMoni]

Hi Allie,
   I can relate to everything you have said. I think you make plans to live with the penis, which involves some mental adjustment I have yet to find, or you work toward getting surgery. You are very lucky to have such a supportive SO. For me, my concentration is on pleasing my partner. Until my anatomy is corrected, my pleasure is blocked. Sorry I have no solution for you but maybe it helps knowing you are  not the only one out there.
Monica

[Allie24]

Hi Allie,
   I can relate to everything you have said. I think you make plans to live with the penis, which involves some mental adjustment I have yet to find, or you work toward getting surgery. You are very lucky to have such a supportive SO. For me, my concentration is on pleasing my partner. Until my anatomy is corrected, my pleasure is blocked. Sorry I have no solution for you but maybe it helps knowing you are  not the only one out there.
Monica

I just found out that it will take two years to complete electrolysis on my genitals pre-op. The cost of each session alone is $80. I feel like I'm better off working towards getting an orchiectomy so at least that part of my body is removed.

It's a difficult topic that few have a solution to. It seems like either you do have bottom dysphoria or you don't. But I'm glad to hear that there are others in similar situations.

Thank you for you support Monica!<3 ~Allie

[Sophia Sage]

Good electrolysis down there shouldn't take 2 years... more like 9 months.  And some surgeons (Suporn in particular) are so good at scraping off hair follicles from the surgical site skin that they prefer you not get cleared down there in the first place, because that can cause scarring.

There are other very good reasons to just plan for SRS and skip the orchie.  First, since cost is an issue, the orchie will delay SRS -- however long it takes to save for the orchie, you'll be back at Square One again.  Second, an orchie can create complications for vaginoplasty.  Third, being another procedure, the orchie will increase your risks.

Seriously, if you're dysphoric about what's downstairs, an orchie isn't going to be sufficient.  Start planning and saving for SRS now. 

[MissGendered]

Good electrolysis down there shouldn't take 2 years... more like 9 months.  And some surgeons (Suporn in particular) are so good at scraping off hair follicles from the surgical site skin that they prefer you not get cleared down there in the first place, because that can cause scarring.

There are other very good reasons to just plan for SRS and skip the orchie.  First, since cost is an issue, the orchie will delay SRS -- however long it takes to save for the orchie, you'll be back at Square One again.  Second, an orchie can create complications for vaginoplasty.  Third, being another procedure, the orchie will increase your risks.

Seriously, if you're dysphoric about what's downstairs, an orchie isn't going to be sufficient.  Start planning and saving for SRS now.

Allie,

I agree with everything that Sophie said, and I would add that Brassard doesn't want any electro down there either. He did my surgery, and doesn't want an orchi done beforehand, either, since he uses the scrotal skin to make your vagina. He does amazing work, and if you are in the US, there is a big exchange rate advantage these days, too.

I had horrible bottom dysphoria pre-op, I was miserable about it all day, every day, and I never found anything that made it better, except surgery. And in a flash, it was over, simple as that. I wish I had a useful suggestion, but I don't, except to do whatever needs to be done to get to surgery. The longer I was on HRT, the worse my dysphoria grew, too...

Sorry to answer without an answer that is easier than surgery, but once I knew Brassard was the guy for me, for many,  many reasons, I developed laser focus on getting to Montréal.

I hope you do find some way in the meantime. Sounds like you have a great partner, at least you aren't alone like I was, that has to count for a lot...

Missy

[Jacqueline]

Allie,

I too can sympathize with you and your situation. I am not up to deciding on surgery yet myself. I am pretty sure an orchie would not do it for me. I have been here long enough to read and be able to verify what both Sophie and Missy said are true.

Coping is a challenge for any part of dysphoria. Are you still seeing a therapist(I am assuming you saw one in the process to go to and endo for HRT- depending on where you live that might be faulty). I think it is a good idea to ask others for coping mechanisms but would encourage you to discuss this with a therapist as well. They may not experience dysphoria but may have many coping mechanisms.

I can say more for general dysphoria staying busy seems to help the most. Work, hobbies, volunteering... It is a distraction and makes the time go faster. Sorry, that's all I got. There are subjects on dysphoria and coping in the archives. If you go to the forums top level then search for dysphoria coping, I bet you will find some of them.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

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With warmth,

Joanna