Caucus with the men

[2.B.Dana]

Hello ladies,

I'm three days away from my one month anniversary of being out to my wife. Fortunately we are still together and making planning about sharing our life together. While we know its written in sand and life changes we are hopeful for our future even though it is different than we had originally planned 25 years ago.
When I came out I told her I would continue to caucus with the men at social events etc. Like independents in congress you have to choose a group to be in and at this point I agreed to stay in the guys grouping till we are farther along.
One of my favorite writers on this forum is Michelle_P who has provided me a lot of inspiration etc in her postings. One that I read was about her meeting in small groups of women and feeling accepted as part of them. Since deciding last October to "find out about the woman within" I have found being in groups of women to feel different. As I continue to distance myself from all that is "male" I find these interactions take on even more meaning.
This past Sunday we had a dinner after church and for the longest time my wife and I were alone at our big round table. I found myself impatient to go as I waited for my wife to finish and then women started sitting down next to us. In a few moments the table was filled with the sweetest ladies, all older widows just chatting away. We all talked about the sort of chit chat that women do and it felt wonderful. It gave me a hopeful glimpse of the possible future.
I think the way I carry myself and act must be changing as my 13 year daughter has said twice in the last week or so that she "keeps calling me mom" and doesn't know why. She catches herself but has let it slip a few times and is embarrassed. We have chosen to wait till school is out to tell her about my transition but it may happen sooner at this rate.

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Dana,

   I was glad to read this about your progress and relationship with your wife. All stories like this give hope and encouragement to others. It is good to see things are moving along for you.

  I have to agree with you about Michelle_P. She does provide inspiration, information, her personal escapades and milestones and most of all encouragement for those of us who follow.  She's a "good' one.
  There are also others here that do us all great service too. Another of personal inspiration to me is Tessa.James. I thank her too for being here for me as well.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Tessa James]

Good morning,

We all benefit from sharing our experience and you can be sure somebody is holding my hand still.  We have continual opportunities to reach out and create our own circles of support.  There is a fair amount of turnover here as some folks find what they need, or not, and move on with their lives.  Many people remain, come back and help inform and be virtual mentors to those along the way while continuing to learn.  Michelle is a rock star and seems to posses a keen determination and clarity I too admire.

Dana, you describe a fun and revealing look at traditional gatherings where we can feel that sea change of gendered behavior begin to shift for us.  After coming out i found many of my friends self segregated that same way.  While I love the acceptance and small intimacies many women share it sometimes feels like a bit of a loss that some guys have become aloof or perhaps less comfortable with me.  Stands to reason that birds of a feather flock together?

Coming out need not be a formal declarative statement and your daughter's behavior does suggest that we can telegraph a message of self acceptance as we shed strictures and let more of our true selves shine.