Post top surgery dysphoria

[whitdog]

Hi everyone,

I had top surgery about 5 days ago, and I'm feeling very happy that it's done and cannot wait to see my chest when it is finally recovered. However, I've been having lots of dysphoric feelings every time I look in the mirror because of how swollen my chest is and also because it seems as though my hips are more pronounced since having surgery. I've been on T for about 8 months now and pre-surgery had a very masc body and no hips. But since surgery my hips are very much visible again and I've been having a panic that the testosterone isn't working and I'm like reverting back to a more feminine face and figure.

I know it's common to feel a bit uncomfortable in your body post-surgery, but is it common to get an increase in dysphoric feels about the whole body post-top surgery? I know the likely explanation is that the swollen chest is making my hips look more visible and my brain is picking apart all the other things that "might not pass" about my body now, but have any of you had any experience with this? If so, what did you do to help?

Thoughts?

Thanks for reading! 🙂

[Elis]

Haven't had top surgery yet but I think your theory is most likely what's happened. Similarly how on T you find parts of your body like hips more dysphoric because they don't match up to how masculine the rest of your body now looks.

Probably not much you can do until you heal up. At least when the bandages come off you'll have your flat chest to focus on  instead 🙂

[FTMax]

Post-operative depression is a very real thing, and I would guess that is playing at least a small part here.

It will probably take a few months for your body to "even out". I didn't have any swelling in my chest but I did have a lot of bloating so suddenly felt much fatter than usual. In a few months, it slowly went away.

I will also say that my dysphoria shifted after top surgery. I didn't have any genital dysphoria prior, and with my chest sorted out, those were the one thing left to hate. And I'm not an isolated case. So that could be what you're going through as well.

[Axolotl]

Your hips are just one part of your body.  Your real concern is your entire body as a whole.  Once you are healed, you will be able to better assess where your entire body is.  I'm guessing that if you felt it was masculine before, you can feel that way again.  Some steps feel like they move backwards, but you will eventually be moving forward again.

[whitdog]

Thank you everyone for your comments 😀 They've all been super helpful and comforting! I think it's probably just really easy to get lost in the dysphoria a bit when one is weak, recovering and still a bit wonky from pain killers lol

Really glad I found this site!

[Jacqueline]

Hi and welcome to the site.

I am so sorry you did not get a welcome before this. I hope the info you got was good and reassuring.

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With warmth,

Joanna

[emptyspiral]

I had a very similar experience but with my stomach. Ive always been a little chubby and with the post op swelling/bloating in my stomach I had convinced myself I looked pregnant. The swelling went down after about 5 days and I was back to feeling excited about my new chest. I hope everything's better for you now. Ive definitely heard of post op depression or post op dysphoria happening but it's mostly just temporary while our brain re-maps our bodies (that's how my psychologist explained it to me before surgery)