Being expected to be a guy

[Larisa]

Okay so yesterday at work, I had to move a bunch of folding chairs and a table. It took me awhile more to get it done. I only weigh a 155 to 160 but my normal weight is more 135 or around that.

So well anyways, I was moving the table and got it further than I thought but could not lift it myself. A guy there came along and lifted it with no problem and wondered why I couldn't. He told me he weighs about 190. My dad could lift easily this table like it was 3 books in his hands. No joke.

Me however that is not the case. Anyways yesterday I was asked by another person why I don't go to the gym and get some bigger muscles as Ive been asked a few times before. When I got asked by her I kind of just like thought um no. It felt awkward and I did say "um ya um..... no" to her. She looked confused like um your a guy type of look.

I realize they dont know but still. I would never want big bulky arms or anything like that. Ive written here before that parts of my body are more female like my shoulders, my hands, arms and my hips in a way. Those parts Im lucky to have and would never want to change that.

While it's understanding their thoughts, I also do know I could never live that way and have zero interest in looking like a guy yet people think I should cause they see a guy in their eyes.

Im fine not being the strongest and Im fine with my weight being a 155 or so and even more if it were at 135 or so where I normally weigh. It doesnt bother me. Yes I may not be able to lift heavy things as easily but Im okay with that and wish I were not expected to think differently.

[elkie-t]

I lost a lot of body weight and strength last 2 years and when someone asks me why won't I go to gym, depending on my mood, I'd either say 'no money' or 'too much muscles would slow down my pistol draw', or just simple plain 'no time', or 'too lazy' or 'medical condition, had bad injury' or anything. Think a good answer or two in advance and stick to it


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[Dena]

A simple explanation is that some people don't build muscles. Even on testosterone, I couldn't chin myself or do more than a few pushups. The only thing I could do was sit-ups and that may have been because my upper body didn't weigh that much. Also consider that I was 140 pounds at 6'2" tall. There just wasn't any place to put muscles on a frame like that.

[Jenny94]

Pffft. Stupid bloody machismo and bravado. The whole thing just comes down to vanity. We're hardly living in caves and hunting for food every day any more. Societal expectations suck, and especially sucky that you got multiple instances of it on the same day =(

I hated the social gender expectations when identifying as a bi guy and as a trans girl it's just a hundred times worse. As a guy, I was occasionally self-conscious about my arms being too weak: essentially, I wasn't masculine enough. Now that's my favourite thing about me - my arms are weak because they're thin, and therefore feminine - and I'm freaked out about other parts of me being too masculine. Can't win. 

L x

[Jamie Xu]

Yes, I know how you feel. I don't have much muscle. Sometimes when I need to lift something at work it's totally obvious I'm not as strong as the males, or at least it seems that way to me. I feel good that I'm not like a male but at the same time it's a little upsetting that once again I'm expected to be this normal male figure like everyone else.

[Ryuichi13]

I have to admit that this week I started doing pushups to bulk my arms up more.  However, that's about all I really want to do.  I hate doing crunches, even though I have a small spare tire. *pats gut* [emoji6]

I suppose I don't mind being a guy with strong arms, broad shoulders and a spare tire! [emoji23]

Ryuichi

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[Deborah]

You don't need to be huge to be strong.  My bicep is slightly smaller than the average American female and I can pick up 285 lbs.  Being weak is simply unhealthy.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

[Raina]

I have the opposite problem, I am fairly large and muscular..desperately trying to lose weight and muscle mass. It kills me me when something heavy around the office needs moving, I get sought out. It further reinforces my dysphoria I am struggling with.

[Deborah]

If you're on HRT then the muscle will decrease, but it takes a while.  Mine took close to 18 months before I could really see the difference.  Losing the weight will make a much bigger difference in the short and mid term.  Fat by itself adds a lot more mass to the body than you would expect.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

[RobynTx]

Been there, done that. Since I have testicles  I am automatically supposed to know how to fix cars, plumbing, AC units and  other things. I only went to school to fix people.

[elkie-t]

Been there, done that. Since I have testicles  I am automatically supposed to know how to fix cars, plumbing, AC units and  other things. I only went to school to fix people.

Specialization is for insects, and learning is not limited to school

[RobynTx]

Specialization is for insects, and learning is not limited to school

I don't have an issue learning, I just hate it when people assume I already something that I don't.

[Larisa]

I have the opposite problem, I am fairly large and muscular..desperately trying to lose weight and muscle mass. It kills me me when something heavy around the office needs moving, I get sought out. It further reinforces my dysphoria I am struggling with.

This is how I felt like the other day. Made me feel horrible after what they wanted.

[Julia1996]

You don't need to be huge to be strong.  My bicep is slightly smaller than the average American female and I can pick up 285 lbs.  Being weak is simply unhealthy.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote
[/quote

I'm very weak.  According to my Dr I'm healthy. When I asked her about being weak she told me I started hrt young so I never developed male muscle tone and because I'm a small person anyway, I shouldn't expect to be very strong. I can't lift heavy stuff at all. My dad or brother have to take the vacuum cleaner upstairs for me because I have trouble getting the beast up there. I'm no help at all moving furniture. But the thing that really bothers me is how a guy can hold me down with no effort. If it's my boyfriend playing or my brother being a ->-bleeped-<- that's one thing.  But it makes me realize that if some guy wanted to do something to me or hurt me there wouldn't be anything I could do. I would be totally screwed.  Being weak sucks . I would love to be stronger but I guess that goes on the pile with wanting to be tall and having a gorgeous tan.
Julia

[Deborah]

About a year ago I worked with a CIS woman who trained as an Olympic lifter.  She was about 5'5" and looked like she might weigh 130 to 140 lbs.  she was not big but she could deadlift 305 lbs.  Anyone can get strong but it takes a lot of sweat and time.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

[RobynTx]

You don't need to be huge to be strong.  My bicep is slightly smaller than the average American female and I can pick up 285 lbs.  Being weak is simply unhealthy.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote
[/quote

I'm very weak.  According to my Dr I'm healthy. When I asked her about being weak she told me I started hrt young so I never developed male muscle tone and because I'm a small person anyway, I shouldn't expect to be very strong. I can't lift heavy stuff at all. My dad or brother have to take the vacuum cleaner upstairs for me because I have trouble getting the beast up there. I'm no help at all moving furniture. But the thing that really bothers me is how a guy can hold me down with no effort. If it's my boyfriend playing or my brother being a ->-bleeped-<- that's one thing.  But it makes me realize that if some guy wanted to do something to me or hurt me there wouldn't be anything I could do. I would be totally screwed.  Being weak sucks . I would love to be stronger but I guess that goes on the pile with wanting to be tall and having a gorgeous tan.
Julia

I would look into some self defense courses.  Sometimes it's not a matter of strength but a matter of know just where to hit a person.

[JoanneB]

I never had any major muscle strength. Hands and finger the weakest of all and the likely limiting factor in most "physical feats". I often needed to rely on leg power and levers to get the job done. Impact wrenches nail guns and 5 lb sledge hammers are my best friends. My grandfathers, both big bulls. In fact one's favorite line was "Strong like bull" (sounds even better with a Hungarian accent). Yet both always told me "Work smarter, not harder". Doing oft time menial labor for much of your life gives you perspective.

TBH - I don't know of many people where a totally awkward 150lbs would be easy as a 1 man lift. Smarter is a bit at a time lifting and moving one end and then the other if you insist in not showing weakness and asking for help. Second best is setting up everything you can so several things can be done by asking for some help once. But I am a city slicker. Farm boys tend to think nothing of tossing monster sized bales of hay up towards the barn's loft where another is playing catch.

Since I started HRT, which included a T-blocker my strength has taken a hit. But then, I am even less physically active and an aging dinosaur. Chicken or Egg?

[Julia1996]

I would look into some self defense courses.  Sometimes it's not a matter of strength but a matter of know just where to hit a person.

I am. My dad is teaching me some self defense and he gave me some cop strength pepper spray.
Julia

[RobynTx]

I am. My dad is teaching me some self defense and he gave me some cop strength pepper spray.
Julia

Great to hear. That's where I learned most of my techniques.

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