It sounds very grim, rose! I think you should concentrate your efforts on getting out. A number of countries are open to granting asylum to trans people who face persecution at home. In the past, the USA did this, but honestly, under this current administration, I think USA is not a good option. The US government is turning against trans people at present, and there are attempts to restrict travel by people from Muslim countries. You might explore seeking asylum in Canada, or Sweden, or Norway.
In some countries where Shariah law prevails, the social attitude against gay or lesbian people is intensely hostile, but transition through SRS is somewhat tolerated under the theory that a gay man, through surgery and transition, may become something like a straight woman, and therefore might conform to social and religious expectations. It's a very cruel choice that those societies force. Transition and SRS should be the free choice of the individual, not something forced on him or her by society under threat of persecution or even death.
You might want to put off SRS in your current country. If you can escape to another, freer country, you will be able to make a fuller and more careful decision about whether you really want to transition or not. At present, where you live, SRS seems like the only way forward for you. But it might not be what's really best for you. And once SRS is done, it's difficult to reverse if you should later change your mind.
No, I won't pray for you, because I'm an atheist like you are. Prayer doesn't do anything to help people. But I hear what you are saying. I sympathize, and I understand how much pressure you are living under. We American trans folks come to this site and talk about our problems and worries, but they are nothing compared to what you face.
