Well. Lately i have been keeping up with a few trans people and I realize...wow they can be so dramatic. I have had one person hammer me on using my pronouns via facebook another telling me i should use the mens bathroom.
They seemed to take it personally that I wasn't using male pronouns despite being trans. Now I am pre T and yeah female pronouns sting a little but its tolerable which is why I am not fussy with it. Like until I grow a beard and pass for male where people will automatically start saying this young man. I don't let it get to me. Its a place where I don't want to go mentally because it will cause depression to get worse. I do however feel a bit pressured by I suppose you could call it an imaginary box to be confident enough to say. Male pronouns please people. Theres a few things about my journey so far that make me question if I am actually dedicated to this. I had trouble not using a bag of some kind to carry my stuff in so I got a mens satchel. Because my hips look like I am laden with eggs if i put stuff in the pockets.
I bind only when attending a Psyc appointment to avoid health issues and sore ribs and whatever plethora of other issues binding can cause. Mens underwear is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever worn. Havent tried breifs admittedly but those boxer type ones that go half way down your leg ride up badly. So I still stick to womens underwear.
Packing...well I have one but as I said before until I grow a beard or at least pass. Its just not something that will sit well with me. Iknow I am probably being a bit overdramatic with all that. I guess my mentality in this is comfort is better than rejection..
Honestly i see others going to some extreemes to pass and I worry...am I really trans enough because I am not making the journey painful and proving I can do it. I am cruising along with the current so to speak. I feel like i could bind more and do more on my journey but then think. I don't go out who am I trying to fool. T will do more for me than anything else appearance wise so I shouldn't stress. Somehow it feels like I am relying on the hope that T will fix all my problems and I won't need to do much beyond that. I know its not some miracle cure but I do think it will help. I will be on T in november after the Endo visit. I am hoping that it will at least help me as opposed to have me think well this didn't do much...i really don't want to be dissapointed by the results oddly because its been a long time I have been wanting to do this. Yeah sorry I rambled a bit. May just be anxiety over everything getting to me.
