my past

[natalie.ashlyne]

Well today I was Just told that I may have a daughter, I am so over whelmed I am super happy and sad. I am happy in the fact that yes I may have a daughter I am sad that I am not in her life I so wish I could have been for the last 6 years. I knew this girl and loved her but I knew she was to good for me, I never valued my self highly, I thought I could not give her what she needed. We both had a partner at the time and she did ask me to live with her, I feel so bad for saying no to her because I did not feel that I could provide for her I knew I loved her with my whole heart and would do anything for her. I knew she was pregnant but thought it was her husbands, yes we both cheated and I hate myself for that, but I so love her, I offered to do a paternity test and she did not want too and I understand, I wish I could go back in time and just say yes, there is not a day that goes by that I do not regret my discesion. I always wanted to have my own kids I did  try to get any girl pregnant that I slept with yes I was stupid and selfish. When I had the chance I turned it down how stupid am I. It was never that I never loved her, I wanted to be with her from the day I met her I would have died for her I wanted to marry her but I never that I was good enough for her. I always knew that it was a possibility that I have a daughter but but her mom just told me that she looks so much like me now and she likes things I like and her parents don't she drinks pepsi like me she has my habits her face is so similar to mine now that I am looking female she has some medical problems that I have she has my eyes my smile. I wish I did not think of my self as a loser and wish I would have said yes to her mom I so wish I could be in my daughters life. sorry for this just frustrated and emotional i am mad at myself 

[Megan.]

Wow. I'm sure you have alot of mixed feelings about this. But in your life or not,  I still send my congrats on this discovery.
I know I'm more fortunate than many here to have children and to have them in even a little bit of my life. Simply knowing she's out there may change your priorities and values. X

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[Charlie Nicki]

 If she's indeed your daughter then this is a blessing. You can still be part of her life and build a relationship with her.


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[natalie.ashlyne]

Thank you for responding yes my out look on life has changed I am very happy and sad. I want to be in her life so much I want to be a good parent. The problem is I don't want to split up the family that she knows I know that the dad that she knew from her birth would leave her mom and than may treat her and her sister differently. Yes I am still mental physically and emotionally attracted to  the mom and would want to marry her but she does not see herself with me as a full female and I get her point. I am just stuck in my options I want nothing but the best for the whole family. I just do not want to be a dead beat parent I want them to be the best they can be. What made the mom fully tell me that I may have a daughter is that for the last 15 months is that even at the age of 4 she has been saying that she is a boy she does not like girls stuff. So she was asking me if it is possible that it is hereditary. Because we have very similar interests likes and dislikes she does things that I do that she has never seen me do. I am very proud that I may have a daughter I just want to make the right choices so I don't ruin her life. I do love her and her mom no matter what.