It's almost two years since starting HRT (690 days ago) and it's incredible what happened during that time!
I started low dose although after my ex-wife cheated on me I knew that their is nothing to salvage from our marriage and I spoke to my Endo that I now want to go all-in.
The outcome is that I lost some but I won much much more.
Let's start with the bad things so that I can write about the good things coming to the end.
OMG where should I begin, the most painful thing at the moment (literally) is the slow progress of my beard removal with electrolysis. This is keeping me from going 100% full time, due to the fact that she needs almost a week of beard grow to work effectively.
I try to make customer appointments with customers who don't (officially*) know yet in the weeks where I have to let it grow but I get super dysphoric in this weeks.
[*Maybe they know - it's a small world and everyone knows each other in this profession of mine.]
Another thing that gives me headache transition wise is my voice, I made progress but it could be better and I think the issue is, I like my original voice and I only want/need to change it because it doesn't fit the female picture.
My younger daughter still lives 2/3 of her time with me and we have a lot of arguments due to onslaught of puberty and the constant struggle with the upturned world of hers.
I read a book from Elizabeth Marquardt - Between Two Worlds The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce - and it was a revelation what children have to life with for the rest of their lives. It really made me sad that we found no other way.
My older daughter resents my ex-wife (her ex-stepmom) for always badmouthing her mother and then doing exactly the same she was always condemning her for.
Little one is also torn between loving and hating her mother. Her mother is showing her that the priorities lie with the boyfriend and I can't imagine how she must feel.
I removed some toxic persons from my life and the people I can't remove from it completely I try to do low contact as much as possible.
It took 1 1/2 year to finalize the divorce in June of this year and just a few weeks later I had my GCS (117 days ago) then again a few weeks later official gender marker and name change.
Truly a summer of change and renewal. Speaking about renewal, my most valued customer is aware of the changes now and extended the contract and is committed to support me in my transition.
They've gone so far to tell me if I encounter any issues with someone I shall let them know, they will not tolerate anything from their employees. WOW - that's amazing
I won some additional projects already as myself and I hope that it will stay the same for the years to come.
I mentioned in another thread that I had some issues with water gone wild and therefore my house looks more like a construction site than the home I want to provide to my daughter and myself.
On Friday I got the information that the damage is greater than anticipated and therefore it's very unlikely that work will be finished by Christmas - it's a downer but still there will be an end and it will be a new cosy home for us.
Since I can't speed up the process of drying the walls - I continue to declutter the house (again arguments with my daughter
) with increased speed and do some other things, like changing all room doors upstairs.
Wednesday afternoon I went on my first date with a man and it was a nice encounter although I think we will not see each other again.
I fluctuate between looking quit femme and on other days my masculine features are very prominent. Guess which won on Wednesday....
For me it was - what I already suspected - the confirmation that I can see a future with a woman or a man.
The week before that I finally bought my Dirndl (wrote about it in another post) and I will wear it next Sunday at the biggest Thanksgiving Celebration in Austria going back to a 15th century tradition.
I'm looking forward to it and I hope that the weather will be nice and dry.
I feel so good - most of the time - being myself. Finally I can do as I please no more hiding and suppressing my truth.
There is so much more on my mind, I plan to add more to this thread in the future but I need to go now (to the kitchen).
A big thank you to all the sisters and brothers in this forum who made my path easier to follow, with their guidance and encouraging words.
Big hugs to all of you, Thessa xxx
Numquam retro
