questions, questions and more questions

[Aurorasky]

Hi everyone,

I had SRS, along with BA, 4 months ago, on 4th Sept. I am in nursing school currently. The thing is I am still having a hard time to focus. And I feel like I'm still not giving 100% of me to my studies. Crazily enough, my classes started on 18th September but I was only able to go on the 26th September and it still honestly felt it was too early. I could barely sit without feeling pain. Amazingly, my grades so far haven't dropped a lot, thankfully, but I'm much less studious than I was last year. My stamina has mostly come back but I still don't feel 100%, and there's various times I feel down and depressive. I have been trying to exercise everyday 40 minutes, and then walking for a about 15 minutes a day but after new year's and drinking a bit of alcohol, I had a total breakdown in energy and stamina and had to stay home. Is this normal? Am I pushing myself too far? How long did take for you girls to have all of your energy and focus back?

Also, because of all the blood discharge, I now have iron deficiency which is what caused my hair to fall out so much. I'm also having some minor acne appearing and weight gain in my mid section which doesn't go away easily, like really small pimples but annoying. I think I might be taking too much estrogen, could it be?

And lastly but not least I'm going out with a great guy who's seven years older than me, and we have already kissed and done some light stuff and he's so sweet and such a gentleman. We haven't had sex yet. I'm so nervous. How should I tell him? I don't say things like "I was a man", ugh, it just doesn't sound true to me and this is not about being manipulative, but wording things in a way he can better relate to me as a woman and understand. How did you girls tells? Should I? I have thought of being completely stealth but I don't know if I can make it. I wouldn't feel good doing this.

Also, dilation. I sleep with a dilator every night, but honestly it still feels a bit painful to dilate and I often bleed. Will I bleed like this after sex? I'm afraid sex will be painful. My clitoris is sensitive when I touch it, haven't orgasmed yet though, but vaginally the only thing I feel is a lot of pressure. Maybe I'm not dilating as much as I should. However, I thought sleeping with the dilator would be the best option for someone who has to study like me.

Thanks a lot everyone,

[Dena]

Like you, I also returned to work about 2.5 weeks after GCS and I believe that pushing my body that hard slowed the healing process. It's why I recommend 6-8 weeks recovery time before returning to your regular routine. Hair loss after surgery isn't uncommon and it's the result of the stress placed on your body. If that's the cause, given time your hair will regrow.

Estrogen will not covert to testosteron but testosterone will convert to estrogen so excessive estrogen isn't an issue. You should have a post surgical blood test for both testosterone and estradiol to establish a new baseline as your dosages may require adjustment. It is possible you might actually need testosterone added to your mix and from what I understand, sometimes the blockers need to be continued for a short while after surgery and a blood test will determine that.

At four months, if you are still bleeding and are anemic, you need to see a doctor. You could have healing issues and if you are unable to get your iron where it should be, you diet may also need to be changed. Low iron can cause you to feel exhausted and isn't normal for us that long after surgery.

[Julia1996]

When I told my boyfriend I just used transgender. I don't like that word but I figured he would know what transgender meant which of course he did. To be honest I was expecting him to reject me and I just wanted to get it overwith as quickly as possible. One way you could tell him is like this:

I have gender dysphoria. I was assigned male at birth but I have had surgery to correct it. He might say " so you used to be a boy/guy"? To which you say no, I was never a guy. I was born with male genitals at birth but I had surgery to correct that. Saying " I used to be a man" isn't correct anyway. You were never a man. You were just born with the wrong parts. I think it's a good thing that you're letting him get to know you before telling him. I did that with Tristan and it was for that reason he was able to accept me being trans. He tends to be very honest about things. I asked him if he had known I was trans when he first met me if he would still have asked me out. He said no, he wouldn't have. Like so many CIS guys he didn't know anything about trans women and he had misconceptions about us.

He thought a transwoman was a guy who physically changed to have a female body but would still think, relate and behave like a guy. But since he had spent time with me he knew I wasn't any different from CIS girls he had dated except physically. You also have an advantage in the fact that you've already had SRS. You don't have anything down there you shouldn't so your boyfriend won't have to worry about that. Another misconception a lot of CIS guys have about preop trans women is that we want to use our boy parts on them. You and I would NEVER think about doing such a thing but there are girls who like doing that. That was a concern for Tristan until I told him I would never do that. This stuff may sound stupid to us but guys think about this kind of stuff. But you don't have that problem at least and your BF won't have to wait for you to have SRS as mine is.

[SadieBlake]

Back in classes within 3 weeks is amazing, I didn't get back to work until 5 weeks and granted I'm older and my work is very physical, I also wasn't in great shape mentally and was still fatigued, needing lots of sleep right out to 4+ months.  I do think you'll pay a penalty in pressing your stamina -- healing period will be slowed some -- but sometimes we just have to do that.

At 8 months, I'm still a ways from orgasmic but definitely enjoying sex since maybe 4-5 months out. I sincerely doubt you're losing significant amounts of blood, very small amounts go a long.way in appearance. I would definitely stop dilating overnight, I doubt that's good for you.