Introduction

[WhoMI?]

Hi

So uh I wanna apologize in advance, I'm not very good with introductions so I'm sorry if this comes off either very sterile or nonsensical.

Anywhoozle I would rather not share my real name if that's okay. So, on to the why I'm here.

I'm a 20 year old male and I know I was born wrong, I've been in therapy(regular therapy not gender therapy) since I was about 6? years old. I look very male, like REALLY masculine, if I cut my hair short I would look like I am a part of the USMC.

So currently I live with my dad and step-mom and have stopped going to see therapists completely. I moved in with them when I turned 18 and over the past three years the issues have come more at the forefront of my thoughts. My parents don't know that I'm bisexual nor do they know about my dysphoria(I hate using this term because of the Tumblr SJW stigma it's gained). I'm very comfortable as a male though but I just...I know I was born wrong and I'm scared and confused as of late I've been feeling less comfortable as myself and I just need any and all advice before I make any rash decisions, be it as minor as coming out or as extreme as SRS.

[Jessica]

Welcome to Susan's!  I'm Jessica and hope you find some answers here. I see your new here so I'll post some links to help you get better acquainted with the site.

Things that you should read

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Something from your introduction "I'm very comfortable as a male" doesn't quite ring true. You wouldn't be visiting this site unless you are somewhat uncomfortable with your gender identity. The problem is gender identity is a spectrum and where on the spectrum will determine the type of life you will find comfortable. It's time you consider seeing a gender therapist and if one isn't available, start with your regular therapist. I have two links you might find useful that you can start your exploration with. The first is our WIKI where you can  learn more about transsexualism. The second link is "the transition channel" where you can explore your feelings. Feel free to ask us questions and we will do our best to answer them.

[V M]

Hi there 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Laurie]

Hi WhoMI,

  I'm Laurie. I agree with you, you do not want to do anything rash. Most of us here have had years of worry over how we felt. I'd venture to say none of us made a rash decision in coming to the conclusion that we are indeed transgender. No we agonized over it, questioned out every desire that was not part of what society expected of us. I know I lived with shame and guilt over my need to cross dress. I know I felt that way for something like 55 years. Then I came across a term I had never heard of before and it fit me well. I grew up with gender dysphoria which was kept in check by cross dressing. I finally knew why I was the way I am and did the things I do. At 64 yro I decided I needed HRT and so my journey began.
  You are obviously questioning things about yourself. You believe you are experiencing gender dysphoria. These days you best option is to talk to a gender therapist then go with what you discover there. They can help you with your questions and help you figure out what you can do next. They are a good way to get started finding your answers.
  Glad you found us and I hope we can be of help to you. Welcome.

Hugs,
   Laurie
 

[Roll]

Hi WhoMI!

Unfortunately, I will need your real name, social security number, all bank accounts, the name of your first pet and second grade teacher, and a sample of your urine before continuing. ... Sorry, I'm weird. Seriously though, you don't have to share a single thing you aren't comfortable doing so. (And it's actually recommended you probably don't, hence the warnings above about this being a publicly viewable forum!) Oh. I do that urine sample though. I have my reasons.

Okay, turning my idiocy off for a moment. I can relate with what you are saying for sure personally. I really hated the connotations I had built up in my head for certain terms due to the crap on social media and certain other sites, and have really fought using certain words because of the connections to those attitudes you mention. It took me a long time to realize that "cis" wasn't intended to be a slur 99% of the time because of the vocal crowds elsewhere. I also would have said I felt "comfortable" as a guy in a sense, in that I didn't actively hate being male or have any extreme dysphoria about being male. But turns out there is a bigger difference between comfortable and not hating something, and being happy and loving something than I could have ever have imagined. Plus, it turns out that I had loads of issues with being male I was just too ignorant of myself to realize without contrast. It's weird that way, and at times I felt it would have been better/easier and I would have been driven to start transitioning sooner if I had those readily identifiable feelings of hate towards being male or my male body(but then I realize by the same token, I would have also been driven into self harm and depression more severely as well most likely).

[Jessica]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Something from your introduction "I'm very comfortable as a male" doesn't quite ring true. You wouldn't be visiting this site unless you are somewhat uncomfortable with your gender identity. The problem is gender identity is a spectrum and where on the spectrum will determine the type of life you will find comfortable. It's time you consider seeing a gender therapist and if one isn't available, start with your regular therapist. I have two links you might find useful that you can start your exploration with. The first is our WIKI where you can  learn more about transsexualism. The second link is "the transition channel" where you can explore your feelings. Feel free to ask us questions and we will do our best to answer them.

Dena has some valid points here.  The most important is that you should talk with a gender therapist. Though I do think you can be comfortable as a male and still be transgender.  I have always been comfortable with my male persona, I didn't hate myself, I didn't have severe dysphoria but I knew something was missing.  What was missing was the freedom of expressing my feminine side, which was part of who I am on the gender spectrum. I identify as both genders, which is a form of ->-bleeped-<-.  Non-binary is the term.  I have found since starting HT that I'm happier being more on the feminine side but I still am comfortable with my male side

[elkie-t]

Think that as you build your life now, you'll have to shred it to pieces would you decide to come out / transition later in life. The sooner you start building your life being happy who you are, the longer you'll be able to enjoy it


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