Jessica's Rose Garden

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks to everyone for the hugs and dark chocolate! I do feel much better today!!!

I contacted another therapist in Denver this morning. We talked on the phone for about 20 minutes, and she seemed to feel my emotions as I told her parts of my story. She had an appointment available in the afternoon, so I went to see her. She was smiling during the entire session, and said she would be happy to write my second letter (she has written them before). We have one more session scheduled for 15 Jan (Tuesday), and she said my second letter would be ready on 17 Jan (Thursday)!!! The remote therapist contacted me today and said she could have a Skype session with me this Friday and get a draft letter to me the same day, with the final letter by 18 Jan. I will keep my appointment with the therapist who promised a second letter on 24 Jan (the appointment is on 22 Jan) for now just in case something happens to therapist #1 and the Skype session falls through.

I just may have this covered, but I won't celebrate until the letters are at Dr. Ley's office.

[Jessica_Rose]

My session with the therapist in Denver was perfect. She wants me to come in for a follow-up tomorrow (15 Jan) and said she should have the letter done by the end of the week.

I also had a great time with the 'remote' therapist, who is in Spokane, WA. She is usually booked out six weeks in advance, but just had a cancellation when I contacted her. She mentioned she has sent letters to the Meltzer Clinic before, and that my insurance carrier is great to work with. Within an hour of our session on Friday she sent me a draft copy of the letter. I only noted one thing to correct, and about an hour later I received an email with the official copy! She also sent an original to me via snail mail.

Dr. Ley's office now has the first and second referral letters!!! I am going to check with Dr. Ley's office tomorrow to see if they think the letters I provided are sufficient for my insurance. I will not feel comfortable until I know that my insurance carrier has approved the procedure, which may still be several weeks out.

Since I am halfway through the process with the therapist in Denver, I am going to finish it. I figure having three letters can't hurt, as long as they all agree!

I had another electrolysis session this afternoon for my face and neck. There was a lot of 'peach fuzz' left over, so for the first time this year I shaved. Tomorrow afternoon I have another 'south pole' clearing, then more work on chest hair.

[Jessica_Rose]

For some reason after only seeing 'her' for months, I see 'him' in the mirror today. Now I am trying to work on a software issue with IBM and they just dead-named me. The day is not starting off well...

[sarah1972]

Congratulations on getting all your letters together. I just got my second one yesterday so I know how it feels.  Big step forward for you!

Hope the bottom hair removal was not too painful.

So sorry to hear about him being back. I have the same happening every now and then, over the holidays I only saw him. I am finally back to see seeing Sarah. It comes and goes. It hurts and is disturbing but I have started to accept it since I have learned it is only a phase.


Stay strong, look again in a day or two and I am sure Jessica will be back.

Hugs.

Sarah

[Rayna]

I'm sorry you saw "him". Maybe it had to do with shaving yesterday. Habits lead to other habitual behaviors...

You know who you are, however. Take care.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

[Northern Star Girl]

For some reason after only seeing 'her' for months, I see 'him' in the mirror today. Now I am trying to work on a software issue with IBM and they just dead-named me. The day is not starting off well...

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
It has been well over 2 years since I officially and legally changed my name and I still on occasion get important mail, emails and documents addressed to my dead name.   While I can expect that the SPAM email and junk mail advertisements will be coming in my dead name for years to come, it is so very discouraging to get the important stuff that should be in the correct name come with the wrong gender and wrong name...... hang in there, it is a work in progress for sure.

As far as seeing "him" the the mirror instead of "her"  .....  you are probably the only one seeing "him" .... remember we are our own worst critics.   This important thing at this point is that you see "her" more often that you see "him"

Thanks for your posting your updates, your followers are always interested in your transition life events....
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Donica]

Congratulations on your letters Jessica. I hope everything goes well with your insurance.

I know how it feels to see him in the mirror. With time and HRT, I am beginning to see more of her.

Stay strong girl! Hugs!!!

[ChrissyRyan]

My session with the therapist in Denver was perfect. She wants me to come in for a follow-up tomorrow (15 Jan) and said she should have the letter done by the end of the week.

I also had a great time with the 'remote' therapist, who is in Spokane, WA. She is usually booked out six weeks in advance, but just had a cancellation when I contacted her. She mentioned she has sent letters to the Meltzer Clinic before, and that my insurance carrier is great to work with. Within an hour of our session on Friday she sent me a draft copy of the letter. I only noted one thing to correct, and about an hour later I received an email with the official copy! She also sent an original to me via snail mail.

Dr. Ley's office now has the first and second referral letters!!! I am going to check with Dr. Ley's office tomorrow to see if they think the letters I provided are sufficient for my insurance. I will not feel comfortable until I know that my insurance carrier has approved the procedure, which may still be several weeks out.

Since I am halfway through the process with the therapist in Denver, I am going to finish it. I figure having three letters can't hurt, as long as they all agree!

I had another electrolysis session this afternoon for my face and neck. There was a lot of 'peach fuzz' left over, so for the first time this year I shaved. Tomorrow afternoon I have another 'south pole' clearing, then more work on chest hair.

Jessica Rose,

Yay!     for all the good news on the letters and therapists involved.

Oh my I still can't even think about the south pole hair stuff for me, but way to go girl on all this progress!

Chrissy

[Jessica_Rose]

Thanks @sarah1972 , @RandyL , @Alaskan Danielle , @Donica, and @ChrissyRyan for your words of support. I mentioned to a few other people that mirrors can be evil -- they only let you see what you are looking for. We all have flaws, the trick is to ignore them and concentrate on the beautiful parts instead. There was a post in another thread that triggered it, I began to look for flaws instead of beauty. I'm not sure why it hit me so hard this morning, probably a combination of the post and being dead-named by IBM. This particular ticket was opened before Jessica came to be. Although my IBM account has been updated, and the IBM support folks are aware of my name change, my dead name still appears in places. I commented about their lack of courtesy in the problem ticket, and I received an apology in return. If it happens again I will just close that ticket and open a new version of it, that way it will only be associated with Jessica.

I met with a therapist in Denver this morning, and she asked me a few questions neither of the other therapists had asked. The questions were about topics I had thought about from time to time, so I had at least partial answers for her. In some cases the questions really can't be answered until or unless the situation occurs, but she knows I had thought about those potential issues and not simply ignored them. I should have my third letter by Friday. Based on an email from Dr. Ley's office, the third letter was probably unnecessary.

I asked Dr. Ley's office about the first two letters:
'Based on your experience, do you think the letters are good? In trying to get the second letter quickly I wound up with appointments for three different therapists. If you think the existing letters are fine, then I will cancel my appointments with the other therapists.'

Their response:
I reviewed your letters and they look extremely thorough and well written. This will certainly suffice for our office. Unfortunately, we can't officially approve them with insurance until we hear back directly from the carrier regarding their decision. That being said, I do think it is safe to cancel your other appointments. Both of these therapists are qualified and informed providers so if a carrier comes back with an issue or requests additional information, we can just reach out and ask that they update the letters accordingly. We will submit to your carrier ASAP and we will keep you updated along the way!

Tomorrow I have a medical exam, an EKG, and a mammogram to finish off the requirements. Unless something comes up, everything should be a go for V-Day!!!

I will certainly not miss the 'south pole' electrolysis. Another hour there this afternoon, and all she is finding is one step above peach fuzz. At one point she was inspecting the area intently and said 'It looks really good'. I had to laugh, no one had ever told me that I had a good-looking south pole region before!

[ChrissyRyan]

For some reason after only seeing 'her' for months, I see 'him' in the mirror today. Now I am trying to work on a software issue with IBM and they just dead-named me. The day is not starting off well...

Jessica Rose,


I hope your day got much better!

I am not sure what to do or say about seeing 'him'.  Sometimes when you are looking for the smallest flaws or ways to improve, one looks too deeply at the matter at hand. 

It is like being a behaving like perfectionist instead of striving simply to do the very best high quality work possible, given the situation at hand.  It is like your work must be flawless, or more finely machined to a tighter specification the client just does not need, which requires more expensive tooling. 

It is like being really tough on yourself, and for the way you look, it is like seeing flaws that no one else sees.

I want to see that lovely smile on your face!   

Hugs,

Chrissy

[sarah1972]

Seems like your day ended on a better note than it started. So happy about for you. I agree, a lot is what we want to see.

Ugh on the South Pole comment. I doubt anyone getting ready for surgery would call it good looking. I am glad you made such progress, I still have many hours ahead of me. Mine today was pointing at a certain region and asking if I had shaved. I just replied: that is what you did last time... she was a bit confused today.

V Day will come soon for you! I keep my fingers crossed that all the remaining prep works out and that the insurance accepts the he letters

Hugs,

Sarah

[LizK]

....... mentioned to a few other people that mirrors can be evil -- they only let you see what you are looking for. We all have flaws, the trick is to ignore them and concentrate on the beautiful parts instead. There was a post in another thread that triggered it, I began to look for flaws instead of beauty. I'm not sure why it hit me so hard this morning, probably a combination of the post and being dead-named by IBM.


......Tomorrow I have a medical exam, an EKG, and a mammogram to finish off the requirements. Unless something comes up, everything should be a go for V-Day!!!

I will certainly not miss the 'south pole' electrolysis. Another hour there this afternoon, and all she is finding is one step above peach fuzz. At one point she was inspecting the area intently and said 'It looks really good'. I had to laugh, no one had ever told me that I had a good-looking south pole region before!

Hi Jessica Rose

You comment on mirror rang a bell with me, I saw my Psychologist for the last time on Monday and her opening question to me was "How are mirrors these days" Which I thought was a really good question because it certainly is an insight into how I was feeling. I understand you relationship with them. At my worst I covered any that I was likly to see myself in....for many years i would simply not look. LOL that seems like an eternity ago

Congrats on finsihing your prep for Vday...seeing the back of the electrologist is such a satisfying and rewarding moment.

Take care

Liz

[Jessica_Rose]

My checkup and EKG went smoothly, no detrimental health issues other than that dangly birth defect -- its days are numbered (79 and counting)...

The mammogram was a bit more memorable. A young lady named Gloria checked me in, she was awesome! Gloria mentioned that the scan of my drivers license was blurry and she wanted to do a new scan. A few minutes later she mentioned the real reason for a new scan -- their records still had 'his' drivers license. Then she asked what should be on file for 'Sex'? I resisted the urge to say 'yes' and told her it should be 'female'. Apparently it still said 'male', so she gave me a sex change right there in her office!

Next I was taken down the hall to the mammography clinic and was told to put on one of those lovely hospital gowns. While waiting, another lady wearing a similar gown came in and we talked until my turn came up. Once in the exam room the technician asked a few questions:

Donelle: Have you ever had a mammogram before?
Me: No
Donelle: Are you taking hormones?
Me: Yes, estradiol patches.
Donelle: Are you post-menopause?
Me: Um...
Donelle: When was your last period?
Me: I'm transgender.

Donelle then smiled and asked me to please let her know if she happened to say anything offensive, because she is still learning about transgender issues. She also congratulated me on having to courage to transition. We talked for a few more minutes, then came the mammogram. She started with the right breast, which happens to be the smaller one. Into the acrylic vise it went, and the jaws closed tightly. It didn't feel too bad. After crushing my right breast from two different angles we switched to the left one. Not too uncomfor... OWWW! Apparently my left breast is quite a bit more sensitive than the right one. Having it crushed twice was not a pleasant experience, and it still feels sore nearly four hours later.

Even with some freshly squeezed and aching breasts, I was smiling all the way home. It is done. The referral letters have been submitted, the doctor found no health issues to report, the EKG looks good, and the mammogram is over. Unless something unexpected pops up, I should now have a clear path to surgery!!!

[Donica]

Woohoo Jessica! Letters done! yay! Oh yes, the booby squish. ouch! I kept asking my Endo to put if off and off and off because they where still quite tender but after a year HRT she wouldn't put it off any longer. As I recall, they hurt for the rest of the day after that. 79 days will go by fast and then bye-bye dangly defect. 

Hugs!

[Jessica_Rose]

Grrrr. Apparently I have 'extremely dense breast tissue that requires additional imaging for a complete evaluation'. I sent a note to my doctor asking to get this set up as soon as possible. I am not looking forward to another round with the breast crusher, but this needs to get cleared up right away. Just when I thought I could finally relax a little.

Update: I found a little more information, it looks like they want to do an ultrasound. My HRT doctor appears to have put in an order for one, but no one contacted me about it. Hopefully I can get this cleared up tomorrow, but now I probably won't be able to sleep!

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
Congratulations on your welcome to womanhood mammogram experience.  It is always an adventure with the techs answering their questions which are clearly intended for cis-females.

My last mammogram I had last year went normally and produced a good report but my previous mammogram a couple years earlier had some unreliable results and my doctor, as your doctor did for you, ordered a further ultra-sound examination... and it turned out that nothing bad was found other than a small benign cyst that required no further action... when I talked to the ultrasound technician I found out that it doesn't usually mean that anything is neccesarily wrong, in some cases they just want to dig a little deeper than the standard mammogram test before they give you a report. 

Please try to remain calm... I am rooting for you.
I will be looking for your update report!!!
Please try to not get too worried about it... easy for me to say because my followup ultrasound came out OK.

Hugs, and as always, wishing you well.
Danielle

[sarah1972]

Ugh - this is always scary.
The tech performing my mammogram earlier this week already gave me a heads up. Especially since it is the first one ever, they have nothing to compare, so there is a bigger chance to be recalled for additional imaging or ultrasounds. Dense breast tissue is no surprise given that they are still growing.

I hope everything works out well for you.

Hugs, Sarah

Grrrr. Apparently I have 'extremely dense breast tissue that requires additional imaging for a complete evaluation'. I sent a note to my doctor asking to get this set up as soon as possible. I am not looking forward to another round with the breast crusher, but this needs to get cleared up right away. Just when I thought I could finally relax a little.

Update: I found a little more information, it looks like they want to do an ultrasound. My HRT doctor appears to have put in an order for one, but no one contacted me about it. Hopefully I can get this cleared up tomorrow, but now I probably won't be able to sleep!

[Donica]

I guess I was lucky in that department. They didn't have to call me back for more imaging. That would have scared the crap out of me.

[Jessica_Rose]

I called first thing this morning and was able to get an appointment for 1:00pm. The drive to Castle Rock should have taken 30 minutes at most -- except for the blizzard that showed up around 10:00am. I left work at 11:20am, it took me an hour to find an open road out of town. I called and told them that I would be late, but nothing would stop me from getting there. It took driving through a blizzard for 90 minutes, but I made it, and they performed the ultrasound. As I expected they found nothing, just dense tissue (I have always known that I am a bit dense). I talked to the doctor and the ultrasound tech about being transgender, and I told them part of my story. Both of them became tearful.

Right now I am stuck at the hospital. The main road home is a parking lot, something about a 23-vehicle pileup. I may just spend the night at a local hotel. I don't want to take any chances. I expect more issues may arise, but for now my path is clear. My smile has returned, along with some ocular leakage.

Update: The interstate highway from Castle Rock back to Monument (I-25) is closed. The forecast was for up to 2 inches of snow, we got 8. Looks like spending the night in Castle Rock is becoming more and more likely. At least I'm not stuck in Detroit!

[Anne Blake]

My first and only mammogram so far was scheduled by my OB/GYN with a 3D machine. The technician told me that they didn't need to squeeze or clamp so tightly and had fewer false positives. A win/win in my opinion.

Jessica, stay safe on your drive home!

Tia Anne