Do you wish you had transitioned earlier?

[PurpleWolf]

Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? When?

Are you regretting not doing it back then; or do you just now have a suitable life situation for it?

Or are you those people who don't believe in regret? Do you want to view it the way that you'll take full responsibility for you actions/inaction and are just okay with how your life went?

Or are you content you transitioned at the time you did? Or are doing it? Is this just the perfect time for it? Why?

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As for me...
Well, I sorta kinda regret not having to... Though I very much tried at 16. But faced some transphobia etc. and couldn't blah blah... It really hit me hard back then. And dramatically affected my life, not gonna deny that!

But I do take full responsibility for my inaction since then. I've been planning to transition whole this time - but just didn't/couldn't for a variety for reasons.

So I wouldn't say I regret per se... After all that was my decision! I more of wish I had had more resilience back then plus support to work things out at the time. I don't like to view myself as a victim of any kind. I take full responsibility. And I don't believe in regret. I understand I made the decisions I made with the knowledge I had at the time.

Overall though not having transitioned has hugely affected my life and well-being in general. So don't recommend it...! If you in any way can, just do it! So in general I do wish I had transitioned earlier, at 16+, at the time I wanted to. But I didn't, so I just didn't, as simple as that. Regretting it doesn't help at least!

On the other hand I didn't for so many reasons... one of them being that I've just now come to a point in my life I have many things sorted out. I'm just in a completely different place right now than I used to be back then. So in a way I guess this is the right time for me then.

At least I don't get to say, 'what if I had enjoyed living as a woman after all; now I'll never know' or something like that!

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Just saw this:
https://www.inc.com/benjamin-p-hardy/what-happens-when-you-take-full-responsibility-of-.html

Four realities exist:
1.Indecision is potentially your greatest threat.

2.Most people are "drifting," which means they haven't taken command of their mind or their life. Drifting is when you let external circumstances determine where you go in life.

3.Just before any substantial breakthroughs, you will experience darkness and defeat.

4.When you take control of your mind, you realize the quality of your thinking reflects your current potential.

[Deborah]

I don't believe in regret because it simply serves no purpose other than wasting brain cells on what can't be changed. 

If people were to live the best they can for today and stop crying over a past that no longer exists they'd be a lot happier.


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[Kylo]

Well it would have been better to transition earlier from a career and life standpoint. I wouldn't be where I am now which is starting over in my 30s and having to give up long term bonds. I wouldn't have taken the path I did with either of those if I'd transitioned earlier.

But the reason was I hadn't figured it all out until I did, and I didn't know you could even do anything about it until I did. So I don't blame myself for not knowing what I didn't know and what wasn't readily available information at the time. I still tried my best to chase some kind of happiness in every place I could.

In some ways this is a good time for it. I'm not as stupid as I was when I was young, and I've had time and enough failures in life to get to know exactly who I am and what I want. So maybe this is the right time, the best time. Who knows.

[Gertrude]

I don't believe in regret because it simply serves no purpose other than wasting brain cells on what can't be changed. 

If people were to live the best they can for today and stop crying over a past that no longer exists they'd be a lot happier.


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I heard a saying from an addict once that goes something like this: if you keep one foot stuck in yesterday and one foot stuck in tomorrow you end up crapping on today. It's sort of about momentum. It'll happen when you get to that place where you can't live with your false self anymore.


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[Devlyn]

I'm pretty proactive when it comes to not having regrets. I transitioned pretty soon after figuring myself out. In female mode at 48 I remember thinking "If I had done this at 24 I would have really been an eyeful!"  That's as close to regret as I ever got.

Hugs, Devlyn

[TonyaW]

I don't believe in regret because it simply serves no purpose other than wasting brain cells on what can't be changed. 

If people were to live the best they can for today and stop crying over a past that no longer exists they'd be a lot happier.


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Excellent way to approach it.


Reminds me of the the only thing worth remembering from a 3 day corporate rah-rah thing I was forced to attend about 12 years ago. 

Worry is wasted imagination.

I'll adapt the two for this thread

Don't regret or worry about the past which you can't change. Imagine the future which you can. 



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[stephaniec]

yes

[AnnMarie2017]

I think the thought, "If I knew then what I know now," is familiar to lot more people than our community.

I don't waste time pining after might-have-beens. But, sure, it would have been nice to know when I was younger, and still had hair.  But I also think things happen in our lives for a reason -- broad strokes, mostly, not the little details -- and I think for some reason I wasn't supposed to know before I did.

I'll have to ask Someone about that, someday ...

[Bari Jo]

Sure absolutely, not only did I know I was trans at a very young age, I even attempted DIY transition three times and failed. I couldn't commit, was still in denial and the shame so overbearing.  With age comes wisdom and the fear lessened enough for me to commit and out myself to loved ones.  This transition won't fail.  I may be old but I can still be happy.

Bari Jo

[Northern Star Girl]

The question that I asked myself when I was in the middle of my transitioning is:
"Why did I wait so long?"
I am certain that many transgenders lament waiting so long to finally do what they had to do.... but transitioning is a big deal and it affects our relationships, our job, our families... not just our bodies... so it is the biggest decision you can make for yourself and it certainly requires deep thought and counseling...  and therefore that is why most of us had delayed the inevitable.

[LaRell]

Absolutely!  I wish so bad the option had been there for me back before I went through male puberty.  I wish I could have stopped my voice from deepening, and all of the other nasty effects that disgusting T word does to our bodies.   But it just was not an option for me given the environment I was in at the time with the family I had and things.  I did not know back then that there was even anything that could be done though.  I just thought I was some weird freak with this strange, abnormal draw toward girly things and feeling like I was a girl when I clearly could see I was a boy.

  As for later when I learned there was something that could be done.........Yes.....I absolutely wish I would have jumped on it then as well.  I would be like 10 years into my transition by now!  Would have gotten so much more life to live as the girl I am instead of being forced to put on my man suit every day :-(

 

[Allison S]

I always tried to take care of myself. As messed up as I was mentally because of depression and anxiety, I knew something had to change... I looked at so many before and after pictures of peole on hrt. I saw some great results. Finally, I got a wig and did my makeup when I was alone at home or at my friends house. Then I started liking what I saw. I've always had very bad self esteem issues and was angry. But I didn't know why since people would tell me I'm handsome and good looking.

Do I regret not transitioning earlier? Sure. Will it stop me. Of course not because nothing can unless I die. [emoji4]

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[Barb99]

Do I ever! Transition is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish I had done it 40 or 50 years ago.
I figured out what I was back in my mid 20's and had we had the internet when I was 10 or 12 I probably would have figured it out then. Yes I wish I could have transitioned before puberty and testosterone could do it's damage or had the courage to do it in my 20's. Ignoring it, hiding it and running away from it was not a great or sustainable solution.
 

[DawnOday]

As Rod says in his song Ooh la la. "Wish I knew, what I know now, when I was younger"  It was a much different time.

[Julia1996]

I do actually.  I was really scared my dad was going to reject me because of the lies my mom told me so I didn't transition until I was 17 and he actually outed me. If I had known he would be ok with it I would have told him sooner and could have transitioned sooner. But though it would have been cool to transition at like 12 years old Im still satisfied with my transition.

[invisiblemonsters]

nope, i don't think it would have made a difference for me to transition earlier tbh because i started my transition at 18, finished by the time i was 23ish. i might have gotten a few things sooner (a job, license, etc.) but it doesn't change anything for me imo. i might have felt different if my transition took longer though. actually it was my own fault on why i didn't finish my transition by 20. i started T then a year later had my top surgery. if it took longer to go through that, yeah, i probably would have regretted it.

[SammyHatesGreenEggs]

I have mixed feeling on this.  In some regards, I wish I had transitioned when I was a teenager to improve the physical result and have more time to live as a woman.

However, my emotional state is much better now than what it is then, and I'm in a much better financial position than I was in then too.

So I consider it a wash.  As others have pointed out, there's not much you can do about the past, so regret is a waste of time unless it motivates you to do something different in your life going forward.

[JeannieLuv13]

I do wish I had started sooner.  Now I feel like I should have been born 5-10 years later.

I joined the Army and when I deployed and saved most my money, I promised myself when I got out in 2015, I would find a therapist and hopefully start soon after.  But I still had unfounded doubts and I do feel like everything happens for a reason, so I understand why I couldn't.

I feel having regret is natural, what matters is how you choose to use it.

[KathyLauren]

At age 63, I certainly could regret not having transitioned earlier.  I understand where that thought comes from.  I could have saved myself so many years of pain, I could have had a beautiful body and face.  Yada, yada, woulda, shoulda, coulda.  I could think that way, but I don't.

The bottom line is, I wasn't ready.  It took me that long to strip away the heavily entranched layers of internal transphobia and insecurity.

I certainly don't regret where I have ended up.  I am in such a wonderful place in my life now that I don't think I would change anything even if I could.  Every decision and non-decision that I ever made brought me to this place where I get to be myself, married to an amazing, supportive woman, with understanding and accepting neighbours, no obligations, and decent health and adequate finances to enjoy it all.  How can I regret that?

[Corax]

Certainly!
I wish someone had known about the condition, had seen the signs and had taken me to the doctors as a child so that I could have gotten puberty blockers that would have prevented my body from developing into a disgusting monstrosity.
If puberty would have gotten prevented my life would have been so much better and it wouldn't have gone to complete >-bleeped-<.

I started transitioning as soon as I learned about the condition and that it was possible for me to not vegetate in such a miserable state anymore but that my body could be changed so I didn't waste more time.
However I still wish I would have known earlier or someone from my family would have, it would have spared me of so much and I could actually have had a life worth living which I hadn't have before transitioning as I just vegetated but was kept by that body from actually living.