I hope this is the right place for this.
I had a weird dream last night, one that I think summons up alot of what I still feel. In this dream I was with a group a people, some how one of the female friends I was with was "curse" with The Mask on her lips. During that act we didn't know what would "trigger" her to become The Mask. Latter that even she got triggered and turned into The Mask. Becoming a The Mask(A him). It turns out it was lust/sex/being horny the triggered her to become The Mask. He wanted sex and when everyone else ran, I was like "yes, I'll do it", because I never felt what it was like to have sex as a post op woman and wanted to feel pleasure. He then proceed to screw me, like really good, but I felt nothing. I told this to him and he proceed to try to force an orgasm by shooting "magic" into me, still nothing. Frustrated and in shame and I asked him to try to focus a "male" orgasm in me, again nothing. After this attempt I felt broken and ashamed. He told me that after doing a "magical" scan, that my nerves were damaged during my surgery and that there was nothing he could do to change that. He said that it was done on purpose (remember this is a dream) because they know what they are doing to not do that. I felt shame and depression again. I do not know how we end up in a store, but I ask him "Do you have the power to change others, like you do yourself?" He looked at me, knowing what I was about to ask next and said "yes" I proceed to ask "Can you change me into a cis woman?' and he then proceed to do so. I felt it the change inside of me right away. I didn't have to run to the bathroom to check, I knew. I proceed to breakdown and saying thank you over and over again, finally being complete. At this moment I woke up, crying. Yes, I am post op but I do feel broken due to being Asexual and being Trans. I am proud to be who I am and am glad I am post op, being able to accomplish more then I could have every imagine before transitioning, but there is that part of me that knows I will never live as a cis woman. After I woke up crying, I went back to bed, resuming my dream. I proceed to ask The Mask, "how long I can stay like this?". He said, "As long as I am The Mask and don't revert back to your friend" Then it hit me, he basically was saying I could be the woman I was meant to be at the expense of never seeing my friend again. Honestly, I was considering agreeing.
Very very very powerful dream.
