"You can surprise yourself today by speaking out about a sensitive topic that is close to your heart. Youre not one to reveal your feelings unless youve given it a lot of thought first. However, the energy could shift so quickly that you may be in the middle of a deep discussion before it actually dawns on you. But rather than emotionally retreating once you realize your circumstances, stay with the subject until the process completes on its own. Author Margaret Heffernan wrote, For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate." Horoscope for Virgo today (Yahoo news)
Ive followed my horoscope when times seem hard or Im in a good mood, its funny I know they are in someway suppose to speak to you, but this is just so accurate.
Today I talked to the VA, it was the walk in doctor (she was actually amazing). I feel amazing finally being able to get myself moving in a forward direction, I still have a long way to go but it finally feels like im at the front of the long line lol. We talked about getting me into some of the groups, going through and seeking council and get me started in group as well as get me safely introduced to the LGBT community ^^
I know we dont have active blogs, but I intend to use this thread as a journal so I'll have it saved on my signature.
My story may seem like many others but if I learned anything my story is my story I shouldnt have to fight to be happy. I wont be the unimportant NPC in my own story anymore lol.
I dont have strong memories of my childhood (minus the big events like all my broken bones lol) I do remember being in and out of therapist and psychiatrist from as early as four years old. I can't tell you why I was there but I do remember talking with my mom (many many years later) about it and all she could tell me was I was depressed... now why would I be depressed most if not all of my life... The best thing to date (I expect so many good things to happen ^^ ) was when I finally opened up to my friend, when I finally found someone I could talk to, since than so many things fell into place. I also learned why its called coming out of the closet (its not a bad term, but it does have a lot of baggage with it) because once you finally come out there is no going back in. I tried to go back to how everything was before I told my friend because well it was out there... I more or less almost put myself in the nut house since than I still havent told everyone I want to tell but some people need to be told once you are 100% ready and not a second earlier.
I might as well give some history about my military service and a few things that stuck with me even afterwards. So I served from 02/03/2009-02/03/2013. I had seen snow before boot camp but this... wow, it snowed the last weekend of my boot camp so bad we had a lock-down. Now boot camp I never expected it to be easy, but if it wasnt for some good friends (who I no longer have contact with sadly) I don't know if I would of made it. After boot camp I literally moved down the street to my new A school where I learned the ins and the outs of navigation and how to use the Radar system. When the 'dream sheets' came up I choose either Yokosuka Japan, or Hawaii both of which where literally dream locations for me. Maybe it was fate/destiny whatever I got Yokosuka Japan, onboard the USS George Washington (CVN-73) it may have not been the command I wanted but it was the location I wanted, we were about 2 hours max from Tokyo, I may have never actually made it to Osaka but Tokyo was... there are no words for how I felt about Japan as a whole, I will go back there and make it my home someday this I say in front of all of you.
While I was on carrier one of the worse days of my life happen... I may have not physically gotten hurt but the emotional damage and the damage to this planet will always be there... March 11, 2011 will always be a dark day for me... It was a friday I dont think I did but I dont remember if I had duty that weekend or not, I remember it was friday because we were in port and had a Captains call... about half way through the captains call it happen. All of a sudden in port, moored we hit heavy seas, it happen so fast and was over just as fast. The ship which as I said was a carrier moved 15 feet... moored... if it was just an earthquake it may have not been so bad but what I saw... (this is harder than I thought... let me just end with something that is also tied to this and still an issue) fukushima daiichi it may have not been so bad if it wasnt built on the ocean...
The other thing I want to get off my chest is back in 2015 I had a major medical incident, it was diverticulitis or something like that which cause my colon to rupture. They had to take out 15 cm's of my colon, it left me with a colostomy bag and six months to deal with it.
Not much detail in the last one because it gets kind of gross lol... but yeah, this is basically the major events that lead me to be in the situation I am now for the next step I know my body will be an issue but even as a women I dont have to show my stomach lol and I'll still be happy which will help me.
I will try to answer any questions that come up because I feel like not answering will be lying and Im not going to lie anymore not to myself and not to anyone else (not telling people is not lying its waiting for a better time to talk about it) but I intend to use this to keep up to date with everything going forward (saves space which will be nice ^^ ).
If nothing else thank you for listening/reading my rant I'll add more later and keep this thread up to date with all my progress ^^ The difference between a good day and a bad day might just be where you are looking, stay positive I know I will try my best too.