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Stopping being scared

Started by alisontaylor, December 28, 2007, 02:43:51 PM

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alisontaylor

I have been full time for 6 months and start HRT next year. I kind of like it when truckers and cabbies honk on the street and construction guys whistle. But what about a guy who offers me a lift at a bus stop and when I decline circles the street and asks again? Or a guy who just walks up on the street and asks for my number? Pretty scary. I would like to find a comfortable way to meet men to decide whether I like them before I have to tell them the big news. Any suggestions?

Alison
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Sheila

Alison, I really don't know where to meet men but I do know this. Stay away from the two scenarios you discribed. Too, dangerous. I'm married and I'm not looking.
Sheila
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IsabelleStPierre

Hum...

Not sure just what to tell you on this...I get approached by men a lot and there doesn't seem to be any one particular place...although the two that you listed are ones you really...and I mean really...stay away from. Never put yourself in a dangerous position...never accept a car ride from a stranger...as for the constructions guys....just tell them they could never handle you...

One thing you need to be extremely aware of is that woman get raped...it happens more than you think and since you are trans the likelihood that it could turn violent is extremely high. I know how great it is to get the attention, all I am saying is that you need to be careful.

Now, as for places to meet men...all you need to do is use a bit imagination. There are bars, clubs, cafes, the gym, anyplace really...well anyplace where there are men that is ;). What usually happens is when your not really looking is when you'll find that perfect guy...and it could be anyplace. There are dating sites too, but you need to be careful there too...

The tricky part for me is...when do I tell them??? Do I tell them right off...do I wait until after a couple of dates?? or what??? For me that is the hardest part, but I always tell them in a public place or as with one guy over the phone...but I always make sure I have a way out and other people around because you can never be sure just how they are going to take the news...and having been raped twice myself I tend to be overly cautious about being alone with a guy in general (see my Transsexualism and rape... post for more details...note: visitors are unable to see this posting)...have fun and just be careful is all I'm trying to get at.

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre
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soldierjane

Quote from: alisontaylor on December 28, 2007, 02:43:51 PM
I have been full time for 6 months and start HRT next year. I kind of like it when truckers and cabbies honk on the street and construction guys whistle. But what about a guy who offers me a lift at a bus stop and when I decline circles the street and asks again? Or a guy who just walks up on the street and asks for my number? Pretty scary. I would like to find a comfortable way to meet men to decide whether I like them before I have to tell them the big news. Any suggestions?

Alison

Scary indeed. Stay away from that kind of men and stick to dating websites for now. If you are anxious about revealing you're TS, you can always go where it doesn't matter like queer bars or tsgirlfriend.com (a heavily moderated website for TS women to date men in a weirdo-free environment). Avoid >-bleeped-<s, meet any dates in public places and trust your instinct.
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Laura Eva B

QuoteI have been full time for 6 months and start HRT next year. I kind of like it when truckers and cabbies honk on the street and construction guys whistle. But what about a guy who offers me a lift at a bus stop and when I decline circles the street and asks again? Or a guy who just walks up on the street and asks for my number? Pretty scary. I would like to find a comfortable way to meet men to decide whether I like them before I have to tell them the big news. Any suggestions?

Alison

Hey .... welcome to the real world !

How many times have I been walking home late at night when a cabbie has pulled up, attracted my attention and asked "want a lift home love .... its for free !" ?

Gave my number to a guy I had a three minute chat with in my local corner shop .... didn't really fancy him and it was a bad move as he rang me twice a day for three weeks !

Bars are cool for meeting guys and from what you say I guess you'd be over-run by interested guys.  And they're safe as long as you don't go off alone with a guy you pick up.  Late night in bars guarantees results and you will find no effort "snogging" a really cute guy .... just that lone women in bars create obvious pre-conceptions.  But under the scenario I've met from hunky builders to eminent Professors of Molecular Epidemiology !

Here in London lots of pubs do really good food and if you go in to eat lunchtimes or early evening its quite "respectable" for a single woman, and the guys you chat with will be more sober and will not just look at you just as an easy lay !

I've been alone in half empty restaurants too and had guys ask me if they could share my table !

Meeting guys just happens if you're a lone girl in a public place ....

I'm post-op but I'm still looking for the special guy I'd be happy to reveal my TS history to.

Laura
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James-Alen

Hmmm well, you could try myspace. I know how that sounds but it is actually nifty for man hunting lol because you can find someone near you that you're interested in and talk online, which is safe. Then, if you feel that you like them and trust them enough you can meet them irl somewhere. Internet is a good way to meet people if you do it right. And yes, those two things you said are strange, guys can be pigs sometimes *eyeroll* 
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tekla

Like a kid, "stranger-danger" in that getting into a car with someone you don't know.  It's like Russian Roulette - yeah, five out the six chambers are empty, but there is that one.  So, if you would not play Russian Roulette, I'd suggest not getting into the car either.

Construction guys are not all that bad, they have an image to live up to, and like it or not, for every women who feels objectified there is one who enjoys it.  For the most part its harmless.  We do it all the time at work, and there are women who don't like it, I know that and I almost feel bad, but there are all these women who are dressed to the nines for the Big Show, and they did that to get noticed.  So it goes. 
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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soldierjane

Quote from: Laura Eva B on March 28, 2008, 07:47:43 PM

How many times have I been walking home late at night when a cabbie has pulled up, attracted my attention and asked "want a lift home love .... its for free !" ?


Come on baby, don't fear the Reaper :P
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tekla

That would be very funny if it were not true, but ya can always 'take it out in trade' eh?
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Suzy

Quote from: Laura Eva B on March 28, 2008, 07:47:43 PM
Meeting guys just happens if you're a lone girl in a public place ....
Laura

That's one thing that is obviously universal, then.  Since I do go a lot of places alone, I am very cautious about who I talk to and what I do.  Maybe it sounds cheesy, but one thing I did was to buy a cheap wedding ring.  When I want to be left alone I put it on.  Works around here anyway.

Kristi
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Lisbeth

"Anyone who attempts to play the 'real transsexual' card should be summarily dismissed, as they are merely engaging in name calling rather than serious debate."
--Julia Serano

http://juliaserano.blogspot.com/2011/09/transsexual-versus-transgender.html
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James-Alen

Quote from: Kristi on May 05, 2008, 07:10:17 PM
Quote from: Laura Eva B on March 28, 2008, 07:47:43 PM
Meeting guys just happens if you're a lone girl in a public place ....
Laura

That's one thing that is obviously universal, then.  Since I do go a lot of places alone, I am very cautious about who I talk to and what I do.  Maybe it sounds cheesy, but one thing I did was to buy a cheap wedding ring.  When I want to be left alone I put it on.  Works around here anyway.

Kristi

lmao I've heard about that before. I for sure wouldnt sit next to a man at the bar I thought was married so maybe it works the other way too
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tekla

I for sure wouldnt sit next to a man at the bar I thought was married

rings do come off

Many guys don't wear them

guys lie
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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