I know this may sound strange, but, I'll continue. Surely I'm not the only person to confront this.
At this time, transitioning would be impossible in my life. Even if it were possible, bottom surgery, which is something I have thought long and hard about is very expensive as well. So, my problem? The bathroom.
When I was a child, one of the first things about being a girl I noticed was the way they urinate.
At age 3, I wanted to be a girl and was forced to hide it right away by my mother. That's another story.
My first encounter with a vagina was a young cousin around d my age. We were 3 and showing ourselves.
I immediately wanted to be like her. I liked hers a lot better than mine. I also really liked the girls cloths, but, never got to wear any. My second encounter was with a neighbor's daughter when she and her brother were taking a bath. I told her I wanted a "personal" like hers, and she said, " why?" I didn't answer, I was too embarrassed. Then, I would have to go in small, public restrooms with my
Mom and noticed her sitting down to urinate. Incidentally, they potty trained me sitting as most boys are and then trained me to stand. I resisted standing. I hated it. They made me do it though at least, as long as they were watching. I sat every chance I got when unattended. I also pushed myself back as most trans children do. One thing I hated more than anything was having to hold myself while I peed. I wanted to land in the toilet directly instead of possibly getting on the seat the way it would when I was little if I didn't hold myself. When I was little, I wanted to hear it splash, because, that was the way it was supposed to work in my mind. I know that sounds silly. However, you girls know exactly what I'm talking about I'm sure. I didn't like having to hold myself to urinate and I still don't. It didn't feel natural and still doesn't now. I hate having to hold myself down. Sitting and relieving yourself with a penis isn't that difficult, but, it doesn't seem right. I want things to operate differently than they do. It's as if my brain is screaming that something isn't right and it doesn't want to do it that way. I had an odd obsession with that as a child. I see now that it's a normal part of dysphoria. It's still something that bothers me.
A question here. I'm sure everyone has seen this question many times. Since I'm not transitioning, but, need to deal with dysphoria, is a urethral reroute a good option? Will the therapist or psychiatrist refer you to urologist if you meet the criteria? I know my days of avoiding nasty public toilet seats would be over, however, I think it would ease a burden. I also understand the increase UTI risk. However, having a vagina go es you about the same.e amount of risk. Thoughts?
I know this has been long and strange, but, surely I'm not the only one. Dealing with the dysphoria is not easy as we all very well know. Any other ideas to ease the pain?
