Another double standard that pisses me off!

[Julia1996]

Hi everyone. A double standard that really infuriates me is the fat guy/girl thing. If a girl isn't thin she's considered ugly, lazy or a slob. I'm not talking about an obese woman, I mean any woman who isn't model thin. But unless a guy is over 300lbs nothing is said about him. I was at the store yesterday in the checkout lane. In front of me there were 3 guys probably my brother's age. Two of the guys were jacked and one of them was a fat guy. In the lane across from me was a very pretty but overweight woman. She wasn't like circus fat or anything, maybe 25-30 pounds overweight. The fat guy starts calling her fat ass and cow. Then he said she was so fat even the tide wouldn't take her out. The other guys weren't saying anything but they were laughing. That poor woman heard that guy. I could just see the hurt on her face. She looked like she was about to cry. Then the fat guy said " MOOO" very loudly and was laughing.

I told him he needed to stop. He said " but she is a cow. It's not my fault she likes to eat". That pissed me off to the point I lost control a little. I said " I know you're not fat shaming someone . Hanging out with buff guys doesn't make you one of them.  You look like a beach ball with legs". That made his 2 friends burst out laughing. The guy looked like I had slapped him. I asked him how it felt to have someone make fun of him. He didn't open his mouth again. I know I shouldn't have said that and doing so put me on his level but I couldn't help it, I lost my temper.

This isn't the first time I've seen this double standard. In high school fat guys would make fun of overweight girls. And sometimes the guys making fun of them were a lot fatter than the girl! And girls were just as bad. They would be viscous toward overweight girls. But unless a guy was circus fat nothing was said to the overweight guys. Until about a year ago my uncle was overweight. He always had weight problems until my dad managed to teach him a workout routine. Once when he was at our house he was looking at women on a dating site. He was saying " no, she's fat" or "She's a whale".  I asked him if he was really rejecting overweight women and he said yes he was and that he wasn't into " fat chicks". I asked him if he didn't have mirrors at his house because HE WAS FAAAATTT!  He said he was a guy and that he was "stocky"  not fat. So an overweight woman is a fat slob but an overweight guy is stocky or husky? Then he said I didn't have any room to criticize him because Tristan was totally jacked so I was just as shallow as he was. But Tristan  was like that when I met him. I wouldn't have turned him down if he hadn't been jacked. I will admit that I like muscular guys but I never specifically sought out jacked guys and I wouldn't have turned down a guy who wasn't.

How did this double standard get started?  Girls are dying from eating disorders trying to be thin but if a guy is fat or flabby it's totally ok. That really pisses me off! It's just as bad as a promiscuous woman being a Slut but a promiscuous guy being a big stud. AGHHH!

[MaryT]

"... Hanging out with buff guys doesn't make you one of them.  You look like a beach ball with legs".

If you had said it without provocation, it would have been wrong but in the circumstances, I think it was wonderful of you to teach him a lesson.  It was brave, too, as a bully like that might have turned on you because of your albinism.

Although girls do get it much worse, fat guys do also get picked on.  In the UK, it got worse with the government's anti-obesity campaign which licensed everyone to pick on fat people.  A London borough even threatened to stop the benefits of fat people.  Not smokers or drinkers or drug addicts, just fat people.  A councillor in Yorkshire suggested that fat people should not be allowed to use taxis or public transport.  Whereas "fat" was once just a description, now cars slow down so that the occupants can shout abuse at fat people.

The fat bully was almost certainly picked on himself and was taking it out on someone else.  He had no excuse, though and I'm glad that you reminded him that he could be a victim as well as a bully.

[Lynne]

Our country is among the leaders in the world in the number of overweight people and I see the same thing all the time. That guy deserved what he got from you Julia.
I feel that women are usually held to a higher standard in regards to looks in general and that can affect trans woman even more. Our society still seem to think that women have to be the beautiful ones and if a women is not good looking enough then she is not even a 'proper' woman, and in turn guys who spend a lot of effort on their looks are usually labeled gay.
There are a lot of double standards like this one and people don't even realize it or they even defend them as "that's the way it's always been" when someone points them out.
I feel very strongly about these matters as well and I get why you are pissed off about it.

[MikeP]

I agree about the double standards.  The standard I got was opposite.  I was in an elevator in a senior home visiting and wearing my kilt and this gal lifted my kilt saying nice legs.  I smiled and said if I mentioned anything about your skirt I could be thrown out of this place!  She said it is different for woman but you are right.  Lots of issues we must deal with but surly cant remedy most of them.  I have been with some woman who would be so much in tears if someone called them fat.  It is a real big issue.  I would both male and female would do the best to take care of themselves and not get on others.   

[SueNZ]

Hi everyone. A double standard that really infuriates me is the fat guy/girl thing. If a girl isn't thin she's considered ugly, lazy or a slob. I'm not talking about an obese woman, I mean any woman who isn't model thin. But unless a guy is over 300lbs nothing is said about him. I was at the store yesterday in the checkout lane. In front of me there were 3 guys probably my brother's age. Two of the guys were jacked and one of them was a fat guy. In the lane across from me was a very pretty but overweight woman. She wasn't like circus fat or anything, maybe 25-30 pounds overweight. The fat guy starts calling her fat ass and cow. Then he said she was so fat even the tide wouldn't take her out. The other guys weren't saying anything but they were laughing. That poor woman heard that guy. I could just see the hurt on her face. She looked like she was about to cry. Then the fat guy said " MOOO" very loudly and was laughing.

I told him he needed to stop. He said " but she is a cow. It's not my fault she likes to eat". That pissed me off to the point I lost control a little. I said " I know you're not fat shaming someone . Hanging out with buff guys doesn't make you one of them.  You look like a beach ball with legs". That made his 2 friends burst out laughing. The guy looked like I had slapped him. I asked him how it felt to have someone make fun of him. He didn't open his mouth again. I know I shouldn't have said that and doing so put me on his level but I couldn't help it, I lost my temper.

This isn't the first time I've seen this double standard. In high school fat guys would make fun of overweight girls. And sometimes the guys making fun of them were a lot fatter than the girl! And girls were just as bad. They would be viscous toward overweight girls. But unless a guy was circus fat nothing was said to the overweight guys. Until about a year ago my uncle was overweight. He always had weight problems until my dad managed to teach him a workout routine. Once when he was at our house he was looking at women on a dating site. He was saying " no, she's fat" or "She's a whale".  I asked him if he was really rejecting overweight women and he said yes he was and that he wasn't into " fat chicks". I asked him if he didn't have mirrors at his house because HE WAS FAAAATTT!  He said he was a guy and that he was "stocky"  not fat. So an overweight woman is a fat slob but an overweight guy is stocky or husky? Then he said I didn't have any room to criticize him because Tristan was totally jacked so I was just as shallow as he was. But Tristan  was like that when I met him. I wouldn't have turned him down if he hadn't been jacked. I will admit that I like muscular guys but I never specifically sought out jacked guys and I wouldn't have turned down a guy who wasn't.

How did this double standard get started?  Girls are dying from eating disorders trying to be thin but if a guy is fat or flabby it's totally ok. That really pisses me off! It's just as bad as a promiscuous woman being a Slut but a promiscuous guy being a big stud. AGHHH!

Well done Julia, what fantastic courage to stand up and have your voice heard. Good on you as not everyone has your strength.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dee Marshall]

Check out "Fuller figure, Fuller bust" on Instagram or Facebook. She's a model, "overweight", and gorgeous! She spends a lot of time fighting fat-shaming.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Julia1996]

Check out "Fuller figure, Fuller bust" on Instagram or Facebook. She's a model, "overweight", and gorgeous! She spends a lot of time fighting fat-shaming.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

I've seen her. I've also seen some plus size models who are beautiful.  I recently saw a plus size model on some show when I was flipping channels. She was beautiful but I wouldn't label her as plus sized. She wasn't really overweight she was just a big woman. Big bones and not model thin. But I guess if you're not about to drop dead from anorexia you are labeled " plus size". It's awful. It causes young girls so much pain when they don't have the "perfect" body. No doubt transwomen suffer the same pain trying to be the "ideal" woman. I have noticed that if a cis person knows you're trans they expect you to be more "perfect" and "beautiful"  than they would expect of any cis woman.

[amandam]

A true statement for sure. I knew a NYC runway model. They had a joke, 8 is the new 12.

[Jin]

Thank you Julia, for being brave and standing up for your beliefs.
RWHC (Real Women Have Curves)

[Dee Marshall]

..  No doubt transwomen suffer the same pain trying to be the "ideal" woman. I have noticed that if a cis person knows you're trans they expect you to be more "perfect" and "beautiful"  than they would expect of any cis woman.

In the short term the "transgender tipping point" has certainly done us no favors. Between the "must be perfect" and everyone thinking they can "spot" us and the pushback against our very existence it's certainly exciting times in the Chinese curse sense of the term.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Paige]

Hi Julia,

In so many ways this type of masculinity is a learned skill.  I would suggest males do this because they've watched other males do this sort of thing and saw them get positive feedback.  With that being said there are many males that would never dream of saying such things.   Unfortunately it's the rude and obnoxious that get noticed.

It probably doesn't help when the President of the United States behaves in the same way as this person you encountered.  He's not handsome and very overweight and yet he's constantly commenting on the looks of women. 

I agree with the others, you probably taught this bully a good lesson.   

Take care,
Paige