Quote from: Emma1017 on November 19, 2018, 03:50:38 PM
Hi Moonflower:
I selfishly wish she could accept me as I really am and that is a lot to ask for.
I couldn't disagree more! First, you must accept yourself, and what you want, so I've heard. What do you think?
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Right now I enjoy her love but I know that she hopes that HRT will be enough for me.
How do you feel about committing to nothing more than HRT right now, at this moment? Or taking one step at a time? Or... It's got to be tough, weighing the driving urge to be who you are against all that you might lose if you are who you are. I've been there, done that, and it happened to work out really well. I understand the struggle to allow one's inner self to release; to become unable to live up to others' expectations and demands, and to let one's life become entirely shattered. In my case, I'm so glad that the tsunami-strength wave of events forced me into it. The disruption worked out better than any fairy tale.
But back to what you want, vs what you have now at this moment:
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Part of me wants that too but there is a part of me that has wanted to go shoe shopping with her and trying on dresses and playing with make up and to sit around girlfriends and feel their acceptance.
Totally selfish. Its a hope that I would love to occur but I appreciate how difficult it is to realize.
I feel your yearning for such warm, fuzzy, fantastic experiences. I feel great sadness that your wife isn't ready to do these things. I wish that she could see how my spouse and I interact, so she could see how much fun we're having discovering and enlivening the woman who has been hiding.
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In fairness to my wife I intend to patiently find what I need for us both to be happy.
I wonder if this is the key to the whole mess: you patiently finding what you both need so you can both be happy. What could be better than that? I must admit that sometimes when I think that my spouse (@BlueStar) doesn't want something that I really want, I state simply something like, "so, I understand that you don't want me to (insert whatever)." I'm stunned when she almost always expresses her support, when put on the spot like that. For her, supporting me is more important than her objections. That has been an incredible discovery, but I realize now that I should never expect less.
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Wishing you love and strength on your path,
Emma
You too, dear Emma! Thanks for sharing your path with us here.