I wasn't aware of how long this thread had become and the potential value it might be to others than just me and my needs until Kim pointed that out.
I am going to take the cue from Kim, Linde and all the veterans of this battle and share a more thorough summary of where I am and how I got here without dragging everyone through the 16 page thread.
I started therapy with a gender specialist in January, 2018. I was suffering from random panic attacks. It never happened to me before. I thought one session with her and I would be done. Absolutely wrong as this thread has proven.
I told my wife in February last year and blew her out of the water. We met in college and have been together 44 years. I have an absolute commitment to her but this process has put a maximum strain on both of us. I hope time and patience will be our savior.
Over the past year I have finally connected the scattered dots of my gender and started to form an undeniable picture that has forced me to accept, without question, that I am transgender. It took 62 years to get here.
Strangely, for 62 years I have never been depressed and could separate my "reality" from my "fantasies". Not realizing until now that I had them backwards.
With the therapy I started to take charge of me by changing my diet and increasing my exercise. I lost 35 pounds and I still eat pizza but my lunch is now yogurt and green tea. I do modified planks every day and stopped the Irish Catholic requirement of cleaning my plate.
I started finasteride in October and finally learned the courage from everyone here to start HRT. I use a low dose patch of Estradiol twice a week and take spiro once a day.
In the 3 1/2 months the big physical change is really soft skin and a slight growth beneath each nipple which are also more sensitive. Unfortunately no change in hair growth on my head. I hope over time it improves. sigh
Emotionally, a big change. I cry massively easier than ever in my life. I am more female aware, internally and externally. I find I hate men's clothing even more now. If you go back a month on this thread you will note that I have been an emotional wreck. I was NEVER like that 18 months ago.
I have decided to transition and will do everything I can, to go as slow and be as patient as I can to keep my wife with me.
Finally, yesterday I bought a GROUPON coupon for unlimited large and small area laser hair removal at a local shop. I can't do electrolysis yet for personal and professional reasons. I hope to at least get my eyes done in the Fall but that is very subject.
It's been a helluva year. I have learned that transitioning is definitely not boring...maybe I should have taken up golf
.
Hugs,
Emma