There is an old saying, when you come out of the closet to a loved one in private, you are bringing them into the closet with you. Some feel they will burden their loved one by bringing them into the closet with them, and it is true. Coming out of the closet to everyone is similar except you are bringing them out of the closet too, as a spouse of a Transgender person.
Many wives gain personal status from their husbands. I get it,most wives want to say "My husband the Doctor, the Firefighter, the Police Officer. Few want to say "My husband the cross dresser or My husband the Transgender person. They are then just as much a target for ridicule as the Transgender person. Then there is the whole shift to "Does that make her a Lesbian"? I am sure many believe it is something they did or didn't do. Some believe they aren't woman enough so their man turned feminine. Lord knows what thoughts they have trying to understand this rare condition. I feel for them, and I understand your dilemma as well. You are caught between hurting those you love and risking losing them and living while hiding your true self that was developed before you were even born. The feelings seem to get stronger causing chaos in your life, yet to cure this it will cause different chaos in your life and the lives of loved ones.
The problem is society's perception of a transgender person. The latest psychiatric guidelines point out that transgender itself is not a mental condition as if you are happy and comfortable being transgender it does not cause you distress. It is a mental condition because of the stress society creates on a transgender person simply because they are transgender. Only you can make the decisions, but I feel your pain and understand the dilemma. Darned if you do, Darned if you don't, and the dice you roll determines how many loved ones you may or may not lose. It also determines how much pain your loved ones endure as well. If we grew up on a liberal family with liberal friends this would not be near as difficult. I too grew up with conservative family, friends, and some are ministers in our family so that just adds to the problem since they are sure to discuss it with other family members and try to convince them I am a sinner in need of being "cured".