My back up plan for Hallmark was Emma's yaboos but she insists on no pictures. Maybe I can talk Kim into it. (Any pump updates, Kim?)
Emma and Tessa, this is a whole semantic debate which I wasn't planning on, but I don't think what I did was courageous. I think it was extreme desperation reacting to something I could no longer deal with. I am no different than the average person who wants to but hasn't transitioned. There is no special quality in me. When people get desperate enough, in general, they make the move. All the million times I ran from this, I wasn't a coward, and when I went ahead it wasn't bravery. I mainly say this because anyone reading this thread who hasn't moved forward should not beat themselves up for hesitating. They shouldn't think they are any less 'worthy' (may not be the right word) than anyone who does. Maybe they are in a different position or are more concerned with those around them then I was. No, I don't see it! I do think that part of the difference between someone who goes forward and someone who holds back, has to do with recognizing and facing fear. I think some who hold back don't see that fear will never go away. They might not see that whenever they proceed, fear will be just as big. I know some, like Emma, have legit reasons to wait. I think there is, for some, a thought that if they can only wait long enough, the fear will be less. This only creates anxiety on top of the fear. Also, I think knowing that a good result is possible is big for facing the decision. A big boost for me was looking at a defunct website called Wehappytrans. It showed me happy transitioners, and I started to believe maybe I could be happy too. Oh crap, am I rambling. Okay back to the yaboo conversation!