Hello,
My name is Brianna, I live in the Milwaukee area, I was born intersex as Brian back in 1970 (Klinefelter Syndrome 46 XXY). I had a pretty normal childhood, except a few things .. I was more interested in the toys my sister's got for Christmas, and my mom and dad just figured I would get over it. Which when video games started becoming popular with the old Atari 2600 and Colecovision, that was where my main interest laid.
In 1990, when I was 20, I joined the US Army and barely made it through basic training. (I could do sit-ups and run forever, but push up's.. I had a lack of upper body strength). So throughout my 3 years of military service, I always had to do the remedial PT (Physical Training). During Operation Desert Shield/Storm, I injured my hip badly, so for the rest of my military career I had a profile against running. In December 1993, the US Army decided to medically discharge me under honorable conditions. Because I was a disabled veteran, I ended up getting a lot of treatment from the local VA and actually got a job as a medical clerk at the VA hospital. That is kind of when I became under the microscope of some doctors.. They thought it strange that at 27/28 years of age, I looked like I was about 13/14 years old. That is when after all the test's were said and done, I learned I had Klinefelter Syndrome (my body didn't produce testosterone and instead produced a small amount of estrogen). Now, this was in 1997/1998 time frame, the VA doctors didn't offer to send my for psychotherapy. They decided that it would be in my best interest to start testosterone injections, they actually said that if I did not do it, my life would be shortened due to medical reasons. SOO.. I ended up taking them, every 3 weeks, for less then a year. I remember my sister went to the VA to learn how to administer the IM injection, and she would mark the calendar.. She would bug me about my next inection, and I would come up with an excuse, "We can do it later..", etc.. etc.. I did not like testosterone injections, hated the way it made me feel, I just didn't feel like me any more.
Now, during the time while I was getting the injections, I somehow managed to become highly addicted to IV use of heroin. I was highly suicidal, always pushing my luck. Always thinking that the next shot will kill me, and if it didn't, I would up my usage the next time. I know that once I stopped the testosterone injection's, I went into treatment for opiates and was than put on Methadone daily maintenance. It was during this time I did a lot of soul searching and thinking, and trying to figure out how I got to where I was, and WHY?
I always had vivid dreams of me living as a female, every part a female. People would label me odd, because I would mix and match clothing, male and female clothing. After finally sitting down and talking to a therapist did I realize that I was transgender. I cleaned up, started on electrolysis hair removal for the little facial hair I had, that is when my past caught up with me in 2003. All the crime I did in order to get high and stay high in my past, hit me with a 5 year prison sentence. Which was a good wake up call, a little excessive, but was a great learning experience. Prison was like a damn drama soap opera television show, and I learned how to not give a hell what other people think or say about me.
Okay, so when I got out of prison in 2008, I tried to get back on the road to where I was, but seemed like I was blocked at every path, bad luck kept following me and I ended up getting Kidney Stones and guess what, the VA just prescribes me percocet's and antibiotics and tells me to drink a lot of fluids.. Bad thing, because the drug bug popped up again, but at least this time I didn't fall down too hard before I stopped it. I NOW have in my VA medical records that I am a opiate addict and they are not to give me any kind of opiates unless it's life threatening. So now I have been drug free for 7 years, and trying to get back on the road to transition. All my old friends are either still using drugs (which I will avoid) or moved away. The old transgender support group I use to go to, doesn't exist anymore. Every day that goes by, it feels like I just get lonelier and depressed.. Wishing I could go back in time and not take the testosterone injections AMA (against medical advice). So I figured I would attempt to make new friends and/or contacts and go from there. That is why I joined this forum. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!
