Problems in a relationship

[sweetjudge]

How do you deal with problems in a relationship?

[KathyLauren]

Hi, SweetJudge!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

I doubt if there is one answer for all possible problems.  If I had to pick one, it would be to talk about it.

Perhaps you could tell us about the relationship and the problems.  That would make it easier for the members to answer your question.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[Northern Star Girl]

How do you deal with problems in a relationship?

@sweetjudge
Dear Sweetjudge:
    I am very happy to see that you decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    I see that our lovely member  @KathyLauren   has already welcomed you to Susan's Place.  Please allow me to also welcome you here.
    Thank you for writing your posting and sharing your photo... as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  KathyLauren  included in her welcome message to you.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

How do you deal with problems in a relationship?

@sweetjudge
Dear Sweetjudge:
IMPORTANT NOTE: As @KathyLauren mentioned
in her Welcome Message please make a point to stop by
the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself and therefore be able
to receive and to give more suggestions and shared thoughts.

Now, after all of this Official Greeting stuff you can have your thread back !!!!

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

[DawnOday]

In my first relationship I learned communication was the key. You can't let things fester and get hopeless. No matter how much someone loves you this is a real test. So I used the lessons I learned in the first relationship and my second wife of 35 years talk everything out. Never go to bed angry. Talk it out.  I told my wife before we married I cross dressed. I didn't tell the first. I could not admit to being transgender because it was not a word in use until the 90's. Lastly make yourself as educated on the subject as you can get.  You will learn the only choice we have is either live depressed, angry  and suicidal or find a way to live with it. The only real solution is transitioning. I can not even tell you the relief of telling people you have been living a lie. I'm going to attach a couple of publications and I hope you take the time to read through them as it will open your mind and help to understand. I hope you can work things out as the person you married is still the same person just more relieved and in most cases far happier. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19403051
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

[confusedfairy]

Hey SweetJudge- I'm an SO, albeit a soon to be divorced SO, so I will say this about a thing that made our marriage worse, because I've seen it in other people's complaints when I read about them:

It will save both of you a lot of heartache to take some time to figure out what you actually want from your marriage, and be both kind, and honest about that.  Also, be understanding about the fact that both of you might need time to figure out what you want.  This goes for BOTH sides, btw. 

My ex went back and forth, and back and forth about what she wanted for our future.  Eventually, I could see what it was she wanted, even if she couldn't admit it to herself:  She wanted to be single again, to explore her true self, without me there to remind her of her old life. 

Although the divorce papers have been signed, I get the impression that she STILL cannot admit that this is what she wanted.

It would have been a far less hurtful for me if, right from the beginning, she told me that she honestly didn't know if she wanted to be married to me anymore, and that she needed time to think.  Instead, I got a bridge burning festival, with periods of being treated like a bird in a cage, expected to obey whatever commands my master made, without question.  It made for a nasty, messy divorce.   

On the flipside of this: I frequently encounter SO's who are reportedly trying to bear the changes their trans spouse is making, but are either 1. not attracted to the new form and trying to force their way to being a new sexuality (and probably need to admit this to their spouse, who could feasibly work with them on it) or 2. having serious difficulty accepting the new person in general, and angry and resentful of who their spouse is now (and again, seems like admitting this and letting marital counselors do their job might help here.)

Just my thoughts though... 

Love and hugs