Hi Jenny, I can relate to many of your feelings. I'm 56 and just now started taking my long journey. I missed many opportunities early in my life with some regret. I also parallel your trying to compensate your inner feelings by trying to be that "uber masculine" superhero. I did the same growing up taking on predominantly male stereotypical roles. I too had to prove my toughness and my outlet was wrestling in jr high and high school and then lifting weights after that. It was a crazy time. Two inner lives in one body. Now, I'm trying to join the two into one through transition. It's working. I love what is happening to my mind, body and spirit. I hope you have this same experience. I would enjoy chatting with you anytime.
Take care,
Susan R🌷